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"Elements of an Apology" Rudeness is inexcusable in both dominants and submissives. Even if a master orders his slave to get refreshments, the slave cannot push aside people in her way or cut in line. And a dominant may not touch someone else's property -- or even an unattached submissive -- without permission. A dominant or submissive who is rude should apologize -- truly apologize. In "Elements of an Apology" at http://alt.com, the late Tammad Rimilia describes a proper apology: ... the elements of an apology are these: 1) A restatement of what it was that you did that was wrong, 2) A statement that you regret doing that wrong thing, and 3) A promise to try not to do similar things wrong in the future. The first element allows the recipient of the apology to feel confident that the apologist is actually thinking about the same event or act that they are. The second element conveys that the apologist is keenly sorry for what they did, and the third element gives hope that the future will proceed better. ... an apology does not feel sincere unless it incorporates all three elements. In addition to the elements which Tammad Rimilia lists, etiqutte expert Llewellyn Miller offers the following: Acknowledging the offense Recognizing your responsibility Explaining why you made the mistake Acknowledging the pain or discomfort you've caused Showing sincere regret and genuine concern over the injury Apologizing for the pain or discomfort Attempting or offering to rectify the situation A real apology does not put the blame on the injured party or someone else. A real apology does not emphasize the excuse over the regret. A real apology is not delivered in a manner that trivializes the offense. Marsha L. Wagner offers an excellent illustration on the difference between a poor apology and a proper apology: The New York Senator Alfonse M. D'Amato mocked Judge Ito on the radio by referring to him as "Little Judge Ito" and adopting an offensive stereotypical Japanese sounding accent. The senator was widely criticized for what seemed like racial slurs and he was encouraged to apologize. In his first attempt, he issued a brief written statement through his office: If I offended anyone, sorry. I was making fun of the pomposity of the judge and the manner in which he's dragging the trial out. That only made the situation worse so he apologized again. This time he made the following statement personally: here on the Senate floor to give a statement as it relates to that episode. It was a sorry episode. As an Italian-American, I have a special responsibility to be sensitive to ethnic stereotypes. I fully recognize the insensitivity of my remarks about Judge Ito. My remarks were totally wrong and inappropriate. I know better. What I did was a poor attempt at humor. I am deeply sorry for the pain that I have caused Judge Ito and others. I offer my sincere apologies. The second apology was acceptable where the first was not. In summary, a full apology consists of the following: Acknowledging the offense Admitting that the offense was wrong Explaining why you made the mistake Recognizing your responsibility Acknowledging the pain or discomfort you've caused Showing sincere regret and genuine concern over the injury Promising to try not to make the same mistake in the future. (Or in the case of major betrayals, never to make the same mistake again.) Apologizing for the discomfort or pain Attempting or offering to rectify the situation |
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Queen I hope many read and learn from this and other excellent posts of yours A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Today's blog is How to accept an apology,I found it to be quite useful also. Enjoy
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