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rosaenaluin 65F
9924 posts
1/24/2020 1:38 am
Standards,


Having standards that arent met, does not mean they are too high.

It just means that you did not meet people yet, with the high moral standards.

Somebody once told me that, someone on , after i had been nagging about the low standard of most men on .

rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 1:39 am

Curious about your view on this.....

Having a moral compas is not standard, anymore, it seems.....


martinc2004 62M
145 posts
1/24/2020 1:47 am

mmmm. You are making us all wonder what has happened. Nothing too awful, I hope. Integrity is a key word.


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 2:29 am

martinc, All? of you? Hmm, Really?

Nothing happened, i just cleaned out my Phone, and saw this writing, wich i wanted to share with you all.
You know that song? From Randy Newman, i believe?
Ooh, it is lonely at the top?


camperdude_69 63M
599 posts
1/24/2020 2:36 am

You must be upfront and honest with who you chatting with. What are you looking for, what do you expect. Having high standards is OK. One must have them and earn the trust of others. Open communications first would be a very good start.


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 2:40 am

TieOrBeTied,
Wow, you impressed me! that is not something that happens often, for sure not by a man! LOL
Really? too far to walk? on her high heels?
poos silly stupid girl, who forced her to wear high heels?

Riding a bike? Yeah, that is too bad! poor man!
If he is hungry, The Man needs to eat! who cares, as long as he has table manners?!

I get what you are saying, And i believe you have a very big point there, too!
I agree on that too!
See what happens!

When the first sentence is; what do you like? what makes you horny?
That is the lack of standard i am talking about.
Dé humanizing, making mé a object.

That is fine, if that is your kink, but it is not mine!

Why would, should i want to tell a totall stranger my deepest desires?
Whát is thát?


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 2:43 am

camperdude, Thank you, since i am not here, to get kinky fucked, by someone i dont even know, or like? ..... my entree is a bit different from most on here, i believe...


Daddyslilpunkin 47F
3470 posts
1/24/2020 2:59 am

I personally believe shared morals and values are important in any relationship, be it romantic or friendship.Issues can arise through how those values/morals are articulated or expressed through actions.

When my friends suffer a break up I always end up reminding them, that with each relationship we learn what is and isn't acceptable in our relationships. We learn our boundaries, what we will accept and not accept from others for us to feel fulfilled in our relationships. We also bring that baggage into our next relationships. The little nagging fears and doubts, until we are proven wrong and trust can develop.

I do think you have to be open minded though and you have to explore the other person's moral compass and values. You can't make judgments based on presumptions. If you look at Sir and I, hell he is the opposite of me on many issues. Outwardly it would appear that we would not have commonalities in our values and morals, but the truth is, they match very well. It's in the articulation of those values/morals where we differ. By digging deeper, and having conversations we discovered how truly similar we are in those areas.

I think that Tie is saying above does not address moral or value systems, but extraneous things that are used to justify not liking someone or not going on a second date. Many people, will use the excuses they listed above, rather than admitting the truth. What if you just did not feel a spark? Or you just weren't physically attracted to them, or they seemed so articulate and witty via messaging but in person not to much? What if there was just something "off?" Some times when you can't articulate what was not right about the situation, or if you do not want to appear vain, or you do not want to focus on your own self doubts (such as you thought the other person was WAY out of your league, or they were stand-offish cause they were not attracted to you) you make up inane justifications as to why you will not see them again. Providing a "concrete" reason, as invalid or flimsy as it appears, is still better than admitting the truth.

You need to find the person who meets, or better yet surpasses, your standards. There is nothing wrong in rejecting others until you find that person. Why return to what you already know you do not want? There are crappy people regardless of gender no matter where you look, it's not just on the internet.

You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.


BDSMbedroomslave 46T
104 posts
1/24/2020 3:01 am

Its true, Standards have dropped sharply over the last few years.

Men are not the only culprits, they are the ones we mostly notice.

On this site, I have "not looking for women" yet I am constantly plagued by these 25-35 Female Dominatrixes, spamming me with their, contact my private email to go forward, like they are my only option to get some sexual action.

On IM I would get a lot of men, with a "You already belong to me bitch" attitude, but they were 9 out of 10 always standard members, so the new points system there has wiped out most of the harrassment for me. I read complaint after complaint on these blogs about not being able to contact people on IM anymore, and its usually 99% of the time, Men who have standard accounts.

But this site is not alone, I am a member of other sites similar to this in nature, where there is not a premium requirement to read and send messages, but yet, MEN mostly but some women and some TV/TS and couples who still jump the gun. They use the systems flirting mechanic or just send random friend invites, their intention is to get at your private pics to perv without any effort or commitment. The flirting system would make sense, if like on ALT you had to pay for the privilege of reading a profile fully or make an approach via messaging.

Its like they've gotten to the point with a site like ALT and think *if you can call it thinking* they have to follow the same protocol to get laid.

Another Standards issue, is the constant amount of Men, who make approaches on those from the Bisexual/Gay community (I can never get the acronym for LGBTwhatever right). Their profiles claim they are straight, their interests are usually Woman and Couples (M/F) (F/F) only but yet they are messaging a TV/TS with view to having a sexual encounter and the messaging them with the attitude that its ok to put down on your profile you are not really interested, because if they did, real girls wouldn't touch them.

My last issue regarding Standards, is the amount of people, again mostly Men, who are on a site of this nature but not interested in the base content or reason for why most are here. Yes, I mean they are open on their profiles about here on a BDSM dating site and all they want is sex. They don't want anything BDSM related whatsoever, just sex as though sex in itself is a BDSM kink. its not, its a by product of the other kinks and not always an essential part of this activity. But these people again, mostly men, are here in their 1000s only looking for sex.

I will read a profile before i determine if this person sounds like someone I want to spend my time with, whether sessional or longer term. Sometimes i feel I am perhaps the only human being on the planet with this approach, because i get so much bullshit, again from mostly men, who approach me as said above with a "You already belong to me Bitch" attitude, or I can see in the way they have opened their messages that they took one look at my pics, their cock got hard and they AUTOMATICALLY assumed i was going to be interested in the size of their cock or whether they repeat so often it could be reclassified as a machine gun. You've had it girls, "I have read your profile (no they looked only at your pics) and think you and i should get together (for sex, not the reason you are mostly here for*, (then they prove they didnt in their first line) 1) What are you into?, 2) I am gunna fuck you raw like the whore you really are, (Profile says no bareback, wanker) 3) Hi, how are you... (erm profile says put in some fucking effort) 4) Hi *whatever your name is* (like we're old fuck buddies who haven't hitched up for a couple of weeks, but we've never actually spoken before, let alone had sex together). The list can go on forever


wifeabuser67 57M
10 posts
1/24/2020 3:11 am

standards are not for the inexperienced


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 4:28 am

Daddyslilpunkin, I see what you are saying, i too did not go on a second dates, with men, who only wanted to talk dirty with me.
Also, I was not attracted to them, before the talk, at all.

One had a shirt with some non commercial lyrics on his shirt, i hate that!

Also, the other guys, it must have been 7 or 8 over the years, i just did not have any connection with, because they only wanted to know what i was into....
sex, sex, kinky sex, a slap on the behind, a twist on the nipple and they call that SM... NOT
They were never ever interested in whó i am, just what they could 'do' with my body.

In my view, you need to have more in common than some common sexual interest, thát is kinky fuckery, not sm as a part of a power/Authority transfer.
Shared morals and values are very important if you want more then just a fuck buddy, and even then.
I can not give myself without that emotional connection. I dont understand "the play thing", at all.
Thank you! punkin! i can learn from you!


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 4:45 am

BDSMbedroomslave, i totally agree with you, also the females of this world can act like morrons, claiming things they dont have any idea about, it is all play and make believe.
As a standard member i can not read profiles, but most of the time their intro at their profile tells enough about their "orientation"... cough....

I am NOT into humiliation, at all!
If you want something from mé, you 'should' be first, interested in mé, not my nipples, ass or vigigi, that wont get you any were near those body parts!
That is my standard, i am also NOT first interested in his Willy, but in his personallity, character since SM is about TRUST. STABILITY OF CHARACTER.
I want to be able to laugh with him, have the same standards!

I hope for him, that his Willy is in working order.

Yes, there are a lot of socalled hetero men, who are very interested in any kind of homosexal actions, but are very afraid to say that out loud, because of the stigma, if you want to use that word.... but every one has homosexual tendencies in them....
You dont eat Brussuls sprouts every day!? That does not make you a sprouts hater! or gay, and even then? who cares? self acceptance is also key.


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 4:51 am

Tie, i understand where you are going with that story... still i like to be treated as the human being i am, instead of a fetish dispenser for some random dude.

They just jump already into the sex game part, without any care for who i am.
Most of the time, they dont even care, as long as i can open my legs, mouth, you get what i mean....
That was not common on here, those geezers were not the standard guys on here, but lately all those 50 shade ignorant porn wankers... think they have a RIGHT on my body parts.


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 4:53 am

wifeabuser, really? thanks for your imput.


jenny14 75T  
90125 posts
1/24/2020 10:41 am

rosa

So well put and so true!!!


A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw

Jenny


bowler847 42M
4 posts
1/24/2020 11:04 am

Totally agree with you


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 2:14 pm

aggie_stiff, i totally agree with you, first trust, then kink and other things, life goals and such, right!


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 2:20 pm

CowboyRam, yes, indeed, also the life goals need to go in the same direction, Somehow.
Also you have to want to make compromises, when the core values are in line with each other.
That is the base of the relation. Love your wise words! thank you!


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 2:21 pm

jenny, thank you,


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/24/2020 2:22 pm

bowler847, thank you,


PicoTittle 44F

1/24/2020 6:34 pm

Well standards are difficult to define. Limits are sometimes defined for factors of risk or tolerance. It's best to communicate instead of push. No matter time period or financial status. I say no, I mean no. If my body says no. I'm saying no. Some just need to quit playing handicap. Or just be handicap accessible. I know many beyond mentally incompetent given too much access to everyday life and others privacy. It's disgusting. Dominants are just blinders and handlers these days. Ill arranged and ill equipped is a no.


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/25/2020 10:01 am

PicoTittle, Hmm, first it is a must to have somehow the same kind of standard, the life goals, the personal ethics and such , in line with each other.
If you want more then just a fuckbuddy...

if you are just here to get all your holes filled? who cares if he is a animal beater? or drinks and smokes way to much? Does not take his daily medicine, is just a social outcast. Does not give a f*ck about nature and the way we handle our planet, aka does not have a moral compas...

If you want more then just a fuck, once in a while, you have to be compatible on more then the SM levels.
And offcourse, the limits and hard limits are things you talk about, while getting to know each other.
negotiation, or just getting to know each other. Thank you for your reaction, much appreciated.


ammoncleveland 64M/64F

1/28/2020 8:24 pm

You can have whatever standards you want, but if they are not realistic, you are going to have difficulty finding a partner. If you are okay with that, go for it. As far as morality goes, it does not appear to be valued any more in our society. In fact, most people would view you as a sucker for having high standards. Personally I find our society pretty disgusting. and the kink world can be a refreshing respite from it. At least we value open communication, or we say we do.


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
1/29/2020 2:26 am

ammoncleveland, you are right, my standards are not that absurd, i thought.
just wanted to be treated like a human being? is not that extreem, i think?
Someone who has real genuine interest in mé? not my body cavities.

Indeed morality is nowhere, it is all about "having fun" and game playing and Especially nó responsibility please!
I have 1 fault, lol , i am too serious to play that kind of games.
It is the same on all dating sites, fet, so called vanilla, it is all instant gratification on the spot, how shallow.
Ah, well, it is what it is.
The things i read about dating horror, i am glad i am not swimming in that pool...
It is not worth it, to get killed for.....


daveisbad2 68M
6 posts
2/5/2020 5:08 pm

Standards are your own... find someone that shares those same standards


lordpawnscum 57M

2/13/2020 9:11 am

As men we are dogs.


drum572 76M
71 posts
2/16/2020 11:39 am

Enjoyed reading your post and all of the comments. There is nothing that can add by the responses you received..


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
2/16/2020 12:04 pm

daveisbad2, Yeah! And thát is just the problem!


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
2/16/2020 12:06 pm

lordpawnscum, Hahahah Nó! nót áll men! hihih


rosaenaluin 65F
10841 posts
2/16/2020 12:09 pm

drum572, I like it when other people enjoy my writings, thank you.
So, i am not alone! in my madness...
Glad you agree

Just a nice positive conversation would be like a miracle. Thank the Lord, that sometimes happens too.



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