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Insane Ramblings

Random thoughts, concerns, and ideas.

Contacting me - IMPORTANAT please read
Posted:Jun 25, 2018 7:56 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2019 7:33 am

So here we are, my first post to this blog. I consider this particular topic modestly important so I I'll be pinning it to the top of my blog as I start to create other entries.

For those of you who are interested in contacting me, I thought I'd give you a little help in writing. Ok, so this post is going to be part rant, part helpful suggestions. What can I say, I'm a multi-talented girl.

So, I'll start with the rant part. One thing that really annoys me is when someone sends me a message to contact me and it's a sentence or worse yet just a phrase. If you're not going to make an effort to impress me, why make the effort at all. I'm not saying one has to write a novel, but say something more than, "Hi there," or "I want you." Anyone who writes so little either doesn't really expect me to respond no matter what they write, an incorrect assumption I might add, or they don't respect me enough as person to be bothered with an honest attempt at contact. That is definitely not the way to get me to respond back.

That ends the rant portion of this post. Now for something constructive.

So, if you really want to contact me, and want me to respond you need to write more than a line or two. Lets face it there are dozens of things you can say in your first message. All it takes is a little thought. I'll give you a few possibilities to start you off.

1) You can start off with a little about yourself. I'm not just talking about your age, height, weight, hair and eye color. Though those are useful. I'm talking about things like what you like to do in and outside the lifestyle, your hobbies, maybe something about your personality. You may or may not have put this in your profile, but putting it in you message will make it more likely that I will go peek at your profile to find what you didn't mention. Not to mention increasing your chances of getting a response from me.

2) You can tell me what it is your looking for. How am I supposed to gauge whether I'm right for you (or you're a good fit for me) if you don't tell me what you seek: what you like? Hmmmm? I'm not a mind reader (and if I were I wouldn't admit it).

3) You can tell me some of the things you found interesting about my profile. What about my profile prompted you to to write? This also gives you a chance to say why we might be comparable. Neat, huh?

Now if you've done just that little bit, you have a first message that is at least 3 paragraphs, probably more. I know, it requires a bit of thought and effort, but let me tell you, I am worth it. Actually, if you do just that much contacting most anyone on here, you'll be more likely to get their attention.

Oh and one last thing that will get you noticed, use correct spelling and grammar (do not use text speak), and proof read your message before sending it.

You shouldn't need to be too concerned about the space either. I've sent messages of 10,000 characters before on here, and to give you an idea of the space you have this post is a little over 3,000 characters with spaces.

It doesn't have to be perfect, but it will show you care about how you come across. It's like taking a shower and putting on a clean shirt for a first date. It's presenting a good first impression.

See, I told you I would help. Everything I've said here doesn't just apply to contacting me. Anyone on this or other contact sites you're wanting to send a message to will be much more impressed by this than by, "Hey there, let's fuck." Really.

Take care
1 comment
Wishful thinking
Posted:Oct 9, 2019 1:33 am
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2020 1:42 am

I'm not sure today's topic will make any sense to anyone but me. If it doesn't, I'm sorry to seem so confusing: I don't try to be. It's all pure talent.

As you can guess from the title of today's entry I'm going to write on something for which I often wish. This is probably going to sound weird to some of you, maybe all of you, but I often wish I could find someone I could sleep with. I know what you're thinking, and I'm not talking about sex, though I would hope that would be included in there, but isn't as necessary as you might think (but, that's a topic for another time I think). No, I'm talking about someone that I could actually sleep with.

I guess I should explain a bit. I have certain problems with trust. One of the side effects of that is that I can't sleep with anyone else around. I just don't feel safe. I've got to have locked doors and windows between me and anyone else.

There have been 2 people in my life over the years I felt safe enough to sleep while they were in the room. Both of whom I loved — no surprise there. In both cases it took a while before I could sleep around them. Ok, part of it was I liked watching them sleep, but part of it was I didn't yet trust them enough to relax and sleep. So, I guess you could say that it's the height of trust for me to sleep with someone in the room. I'll let someone tie me up before I'll sleep while they are around. Found that out with the second of the two I mentioned, since we were playing before I was able to sleep with her near.

Come to think of it, since I'm thinking about trust and some of what I throw out here is more stream of consciousness than willful writing, once I'm restrained I find my worries about trust slip away. I guess once I'm bound, I don't have to be concerned about trust. It's too late by then, the choice is sorta out of my hands. Yes, there are safewords and such, but really, what guarantee do I have that once bound the person I'm with will honor a safeword? Like most of life there are no guarantees, and to a degree that's part of the fun of being bound: you never know. It's like riding a roller coaster, the sense of danger while you can tell yourself you're relatively safe. But, in spite of that once I've allowed myself to be bound, I tend to feel strangely safe. Weird huh? Of course, I've never played with someone I hadn't met at least once before hand to see if my “Eek! Weirdo!” alarm goes off, and that may be part of it.

Random related thought. . . I wonder if while bound I'd be able to sleep with someone in the room I normally would remain awake around. Hmmm, sounds like I have the makings of an experiment, since I normally don't sleep around someone else, but there is a sense of comfort and safety in being bound. Which would win out. Obviously, the bondage would have to be in a position comfortable enough to sleep in.

Ok, so back to the topic at hand. So yeah, I wish I could find someone that I trusted enough to sleep while they're around, and that I were “interested” in enough to want to be sleeping with them. I know it will take time to get there, should I find someone I wanted to sleep with, but I really would like to find someone I trusted that much.

Who knows, I might even trust them with my heart too. I did with the other two. Then again, the last one broke it, and it's been nine years since, and I haven't allowed myself to be that close to anyone since, so maybe not. The worst part, is I still love her, and probably always will. Just because someone breaks your heart doesn't mean you stop loving them, does it? So far, nope. Then again, I can safely say I still love everyone I've ever fallen for. All in spite of not still being with them. I won't say it's proof of the infinite capacity of the heart to love, because there haven't really been that many people I can say I've been in love with. I can count them on one hand. I spend more time in emotional limbo than I do having someone in my life. Go figure.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble a bit, so I think I'll stop here. Before I scare all my readers. All 0 of you. Lol

Take care
1 comment
Pride vs Eeeew
Posted:Sep 12, 2019 2:00 am
Last Updated:Sep 12, 2019 9:35 am

Howdy Gentle Readers,

It's been a while since I added a blog entry, so I thought it time to toss another one into the void.

Today's post is about pictures. It's always tricky knowing what pictures to someone when contacting someone new. Should you start off with a face picture or one of you nude. Should you a picture of you "in action," or something less dramatic. I'm going to give you my thoughts on this. Does this mean everyone thinks this way? Hardly, so you're still going to have to struggle with deciding what to when dealing with anyone else, but when you me, at least you'll have an idea how to proceed.

In my humble (or not so humble) opinion, when sending someone a picture for the first time, you should try to show yourself in the best light. Start off modestly, with a face picture or two and a full body picture dressed. That lets the person your contacting get an idea of what you look like and let's them know you have a sense of propriety. You can also include a picture or two of you doing something you enjoy. Enjoy with your clothes on (keep your mind of the gutter).

If after you've sent a few "PG" pictures the person with whom you're corresponding asks for a nude picture or an action picture, then you can some, or if you've been corresponding for a bit and it seems appropriate to do so. They just shouldn't be your lead off set of pictures.

And guys, never lead off with pictures of your penis. I know you're just sooooo proud of that thing, but such pictures are in such bad taste generally that you more likely to turn off the person your talking to, than get them to jump your bones. Sorry, I know this comes as a blow to your precious ego, but if your best feature is that dangly little thing, you're in real trouble.

As I said, with anyone other than me your mileage will vary. I'm but one voice, and lets face it some of the people you would be perfectly happy to see more adult oriented pictures to start off with. Use your best judgment. And good luck.

Happy hunting
Have I, would I...
Posted:Sep 13, 2018 3:35 pm
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2020 1:42 am

Greetings Gentle Readers,

Today, I'm going to touch a little on the personal side of things. From time to time I get asked if I have ever or would ever consider becoming a transsexual. The question comes in many forms, but that is the gist of it each time it comes up. I will usually answer it, and I will do so here, but... There's always a but, isn't there. There are somethings you should know.

The path to becoming a transsexual, is not just about taking a few hormones or getting breast augmentation surgery. Certainly that is part of it, but being an informed individual, I know there is more to it. I'm going discuss a bit what one is really looking at if one wants to switch sexual characteristics.

Lets look at breast augmentation first, shall we. Now first off, no reputable surgeon is going to do breast augmentation on a male without some assurance that it is warranted. That means the subject should be involved in some form of counseling or psychotherapy addressing their gender issues. Yes, there are a number of surgeons who will do the surgery without taking such precautions, but one has to wonder about the ethics od such surgeons. Lets face it if you're letting someone cut open your body and put foreign objects in there, you want to be able to trust them, right? So, we're talking seeing an ethical surgeon, so we can expect months (maybe years) of counseling first.

Now hormones, are another matter. Again they have a lot of risks involved like increased chances of cancer, organ damage/failure (especially the liver) to name a couple. So if you're going to decide to take hormones you definitely want to do so under a doctors supervision. Again, you want it to be a trustworthy doctor since the complications and kill you. Which means counseling again. Another thing to consider is that breast development takes around two years to complete, which means you have to wait a couple of years to know what you got before you can decide if you should use breast augmentation to improve it. In addition, you never stop taking hormones, it becomes a lifelong regimen, and over the years that can add up to a hefty financial investment.

Speaking of financial investment... I should mention that transition is not a cheap process. Over ones lifetime it can cost upwards of a hundred thousand dollars. With inflation the way it is, probably more if I were to start now. That's a hefty expense. By the same token, if one is driven to transition, it is well worth it. And given the outlay is over many years, it is not as terrible as it sounds. You're not plunking down $100,000 and saying make me a woman. Sometimes it trickles, for the cost of hormones and counseling, then there are moments of torrents when you lay out for whatever surgery is needed.

So, we are looking at the entrance point being counseling. And in my case, that really is where things should start. I'll be the first to admit a make a much better woman than a man, and probably would have been better off being born a woman. But, you'll not the probably in there. Counseling would assist me in sorting out my feelings about myself and what/who I feel I should be. Now there is always the possibility that I'll find I don't feel it appropriate to tinker with my biology. On the other hand, there is every chance that I'll be even more motivated to transition. It's not really something I can predict at this time.

In addition to what I've mentioned, there are a few "minor" cosmetic procedures I feel that would also be appropriate if I were to decide to transition. Just minor stuff to help with a more female appearance: trachea shave, hair transplants and such. Nothing that other such women haven't had done in their search for femininity.

And what about sexual reassignment surgery (SRS)? Again you want to look at using a reputable surgeon, which puts one back to counseling. You need to consider the type of procedure. Yes, there's more than one way to create a vagina, and you need to consider carefully since each has it's own potential complications. Not to mention the type of procedure will determine which surgeon you seek out to do it. Then again, most of those who ask about transitioning, don't consider this part because they are usually looking for a "chicks with dicks" not a re-manufactured woman.

I think by now you already know what my answer it to those who ask. Just reading the above tells you that I've not only considered it, but I've done some homework on it as well. So, when asked, I usually explain that yes I've considered it, and the factors I've discussed above. Would I transition, I don't know, but I certainly would start with the counseling to help decide if it's right for me. If it is, then yeah, I'd transition. If not, then I'll remain a guy in a dress.

So now you know, and won't even need to ask me, huh?

Take care
Are we there yet...
Posted:Aug 7, 2018 7:24 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2019 7:33 am

Ok, I understand that you're going to find the title of today's post a little misleading, but I hope you'll understand why I chose it once you've read this.

Now, when someone local contacts me, especially when someone finds me in a messenger or chat, they don't seem to realize just what it takes to become Brianna. I'll admit this is most prevalent with guys than it is with the ladies. Let's face it women getting dolled up is pretty similar to what I (or most crossdressers who go all out) do to just be presentable. So, let me give you an idea what I do every time I crossdress. I'm not going to go into detail about what I do, this isn't a discussion of makeup techniques or a transformation guide, just a quick rundown to explain why it takes 3+ hours to become Brianna.

First off, I have a male body, that means mean old testosterone, which means HAIR almost everywhere. Fortunately, I was blessed in that I'm not extremely hairy, but I didn't get lucky enough to have no body hair. And don't get me started on facial hair. So, I have to start with shaving. So, if I've been out and about, I've already shaved my face once, but if I haven't it starts there. Then I'll either take a shower or a bath and shave the rest of me. Now we all know the Ladies shave their legs, but keep in mind, my body is not the same. I have a lot of area to shave. I usually work from the top down, so arms, underarms, chest, dangly bits and rear, and legs. Now keep in mind I'm 6'2" and these days close to 200 lbs. and that means those areas comprise a lot of surface area. If I don't want to lose too much blood it usually takes about 40 minutes to shave all that. I consider myself lucky that I have yet to need to shave my back. Don't know how I'll accomplish that should it ever become an issue.

So, I'm done shaving and showering, probably an hour and a half total. So, if I'm in a hurry, I'll simply put my hair up and move immediately to doing the makeup. I hate doing things this way. I mean what's the point of having long hair if I'm going to wear a wig. So, most of the time, I use hot rollers to do my hair.

While my hair sets, I get started on doing my face. And that means shaving again. I know you're going, "Huh? Wait, you shaved already." I shave a second time, because no matter how close you think you've managed to shave you leave the barest of stubble. I let the stubble relax while I shower and then go back over my face to get what's left. It leaves the face smoother to the touch, and it is less difficult to hide the beard shadow, as I don't have that stubble trying to poke through my makeup.

Once I shave my face a second time, I start in on my makeup. The first thing I do is try to hide the beard shadow. Now for those of you who don't know, the beard shadow is the darkening of the face where the dark beard hair is visible through the translucent outer layers of the skin. The darker your natural hair color the more pronounced the beard shadow. Now, there are a number of ways to handle the beard shadow. Some foundations provide the kind of coverage to do it, but most consumer foundations don't. I actually use a product used to hide scars, heavy discoloration and blemishes. Once I've got the beard shadow hidden, I apply a normal foundation to even out my skin color.

Now the fun begins, I start with contouring. That is I apply a darker makup to to assign areas of highlight and shadow to my face. This is used to tweek the face, make more prominent cheeks, more depth to the forehead, help hide the adam's apple and such. After going over the contouring with a blending brush I move onto my eyes. So, we've got eyeliner to apply, at least two shades of eye shadow, mascera, and and defining the eyebrows. If I got my eyes the way I want, then I can apply rouge to my cheeks, and lip liner and lipstick. Now the face is done, but I'm not.

It's time to take the curlers out of my hair, brush it out and spritz it with hair spray. And that finishes everything above the shoulders for another hour and a half to two hours (sometimes longer if I'm doing something really elaborate).

The rest is just a matter of putting on the clothes and shoes I selected to wear. You can figure another 10 to 20 minutes. More if I'm wearing something really crazy.

My point in all this is, Brianna does not spring forth from whole cloth, I am meticulously created. That creation takes time. Sometimes lots of it. Fortunately, I'm patient enough to go through it all. One day I might find some shortcuts to speed up the process, but for now it's a time intensive work of love. You can like it or not, but I hope now you'll at least appreciate the amount of work that goes into it each time Bri is free.

Take care
Please check all luggage at the door
Posted:Jul 24, 2018 12:52 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2019 7:35 am

Welcome Happy Readers,

I don't know how many times I've seen personal ads or heard someone comment that they were looking for someone without baggage or didn't have drama - I've lost count. I always get a chuckle from that sort of comment. If you think about it the only ones without baggage or drama are and the dead - and if you believe in ghosts or some other afterlife then even some of the dead seem to still have them. Seriously think about it, the reason we have them is because we've lived life. (and some of them are sadly born with their own baggage or drama) usually haven't lived enough of life to be hurt enough to have any baggage yet. The dead, well who knows what they actually experience, if anything, and I'm not inclined to die just to find out. As for having drama, I think it was the cable network TNT that use to say "Life is drama." There is no escaping it. So, dear readers, if you are one of those who is looking for a lack of either or both, well you are either going to do without a life partner or... Eeewww! My advice if you don't want baggage or drama, do without. Oh, and as a clue, most who are seeking the lack do so because of their own baggage or drama. None of us who reach adulthood (chronologically at least) does so without picking up a bag or two, and you don't live without some drama. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

So what is there to do? Well, the trick is to learn what is excessive baggage or drama and to avoid those with it, but to use the usual daily life drama and baggage to get closer to your partner. You'll have to decide just what constitutes an excessive amount (though no matter what you decide, I probably fit in the excessive category). How much you care about the other person is going to go a long way to helping you decide just what is excessive. The more we care the more we are willing to put up with, but there are limits. You have to decide where yours are.

For those of us who are the drama/baggage carriers, we have to learn just how much to share, and more importantly HOW to share it. If you have a little problem with jealousy, going into a screaming fit every time your mate glances at someone else probably isn't the best way to express it. Ok, that may be an extreme example, but I have known more than one person who would react that way. By the same token, I've also met one or two who were insecure enough in their relationship, would do the looking just to elicit such a response just to confirm the other person is still interested. There are a lot of other examples of ways someone can improperly communicate fears or concerns that stem from our baggage and therefor results in excessive drama. I can't tell you the best way to find the right medium, but I would suggest talking with your partner in a rational manner. If you need to find an IMPARTIAL mediator to help keep things from getting out of control. It doesn't have to be a professional, a mutual friend will often suffice, just someone to keep things from going crazy. Communication is the key.

So, accept that as adults we all have baggage and experience drama, but rather than try to avoid it, try to understand it, and use it as a way to grow closer.

Take care and happy hunting

P.S. Ok, so maybe I'm full of shit, then again who knows.
To pass or not to pass
Posted:Jul 17, 2018 4:12 pm
Last Updated:Feb 22, 2020 10:47 am

Greetings Gentle Readers,

On occasion one or another person has commented that I'm attractive in response to my mentioning in my profile that I do not pass. I wish to clarify a few things, the primary being that being attractive and not passing are not mutually exclusive. There are a number of less than attractive crossdressers who manage to pass, just as there are those who are attractive who do not. Passing is about being able to "pass" for a woman in public. Being attractive is a somewhat arbitrary set of subjective standards for being visually pleasing. Actually, being attractive can work against one in trying to pass, as it promotes additional scrutiny.

So as I say in my profile, I do not pass (I'm not going to comment on my attractiveness one way or the other; you can decide that for yourself). You want to know why I don't think I pass? It's simple, it's something of a cascading process. First, we can start with I'm 6'2", yes there are tall women out there, however, women that tall are relatively rare. That starts the process of "outing" me, because it attracts and invites additional attention. That additional attention then allows someone to notice the little outpoints in my appearance that together belie the illusion: facial structure, adams apple, errors in makeup, etc. Put together I just don't pass. Add to that my untrained voice and bang, me = guy/male. I do wish I could pass, but for the time being, I have to accept that I don't.

So, am I attractive? I can't answer that one honestly, I'm biased. Do I pass? Definitely not.

1 comment

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