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A Drunk 10/13/2018
A drunk walks out of a bar with akey in his hand and he is stumbling
back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help
you Sir?' 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man
replies. The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw
it?' 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down ...
1 Comments,
38 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
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Three Little Pigs 10/12/2018
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter
came and took their drink order. <br><br>
'I would like a Sprite, ' said the first little
piggy. <br><br>
<br><br>
! 'I would like a Coke, ' said the second little
piggy. <br><br>
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer, ' said the
third little piggy. ...
3 Comments,
32 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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Flowers 9/5/2018
One sunny day a blonde and a brunette were passing by a flower shop on their way to work. The brunette happened to see her hubby buy a bouquet of flowers
and overheard him say to the clerk "Have the card say,
to my beatiful wife"
The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Damn, now
i'm going to have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air!"
To which the blonde replies ...
3 Comments,
275 Views,
20 Votes
,5.55 Score
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Disappointed... 8/11/2018
A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me,
which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?”
<br><br>
Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can
you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re
going to get you fired!” <br><br>
The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to
ignore it. She asked the ...
4 Comments,
38 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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The Silent Treatment 8/10/2018
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am"
and left it where he knew she would find ...
0 Comments,
49 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH....... 8/8/2018
Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days
in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her
lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't
help but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was.
She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this
had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered,
"I know what you must ...
2 Comments,
19 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
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What did the duck say to the ? 8/4/2018
Put it on my BILL!
5 Comments,
38 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Main Vice President 7/19/2018
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President
of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to
his wife for weeks on end. <br><br>
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him,
"Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president
of peas at the grocery store!". <br><br>
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was ...
1 Comments,
22 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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No more a Virgin 7/19/2018
No more a Virgin <br><br>
The family is at the dining table. The little 10-year-old
girl does not eat and has her nose in her plate…. <br><br>
After a few moments, she says, “I’ve something to tell
you people” <br><br>
Silence around the table. “I’m no longer virgin”,
and she begins to cry. A long silence again. <br><br>
And then… ...
2 Comments,
36 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Little Sally 7/13/2018
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face,
and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his
weenie today at the playground!"... Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to
say, "It reminded me of a peanut... " Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked,
"Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom ...
3 Comments,
25 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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Honesty 7/11/2018
A girl says to her mother "I know where babies come
from Mummy. Sarah told me." Her mother replied "And where is that, dear?"
The girl says "She said that you put Daddy's thing
in your mouth, and stuff comes out, and goes in your belly
and that's where babies grow." Her mother corrected her "No dear, that's where
jewelry comes from."
1 Comments,
28 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
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Italian Honeymoon... 7/11/2018
The Italian Honeymoon... <br><br>
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his
new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his barbershop
in Jersey to say hello to his old friends... Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"
Luigi said, "Everyting perfecto, except for da traina
ride..." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well,
we ...
2 Comments,
32 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
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Finally a sensitive man 6/16/2018
A woman meets a good-looking man in a bar. They talk, they
connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely
packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There ! are
three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds
of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering
the ...
1 Comments,
48 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
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Holiday Present 6/8/2018
Bob's wife is going off to Paris for a long weekend with
her girlfriends. As he drives her to the airport, she says
to him: <br><br>
"Is there anything you'd like me to bring you
back from Paris?" <br><br>
Bob thinks about it for a while, and then jokes, "How
about you bring me back a cute little French girl?"
<br><br>
Bob's wife ...
1 Comments,
39 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
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YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH....... 5/30/2018
Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days
in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her
lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't
but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was.
She suspects of a relationship between the , and this
had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered,
"I know what you must be ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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THE BOTTLE OF WINE 5/30/2018
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were
married, or wish you weren't married, this is something
to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on
the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet ,
she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman ...
0 Comments,
25 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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THE CORK 5/30/2018
Arab terrorists were in a locker room taking a shower
after their bomb making class in Toronto, when notices
the other has a huge cork stuck in his arse. If you do not mind me saying, " stated the second,
"that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't
you take it out?" I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It
is permanently stuck in my arse." "I do ...
0 Comments,
34 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Underwear dust 5/30/2018
evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said
to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes
in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your
butt!' <br><br>
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
let such a comment go unrewarded. <br><br>
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out
of his drawer. ...
2 Comments,
49 Views,
9 Votes
,2.14 Score
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Photo on the night stand 5/30/2018
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. <br><br>
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. <br><br>
'No, silly, ' she replies, snuggling up to him.
<br><br>
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. <br><br>
'No, not at all, ...
1 Comments,
28 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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A smart blonde! 5/29/2018
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute
blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know, " he says, "I've heard
that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly
and says to the guy, "What would you like to ...
2 Comments,
40 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR 5/28/2018
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the
entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left
was taken by a well> dressed, middle-aged, French
woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may
I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular
'Americans> are so rude. My little Fifi is using
that seat.' The ...
1 Comments,
35 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
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:P pointless 5/28/2018
Baka la a derka derka
1 Comments,
6 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Cowboy 5/28/2018
Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. <br><br>
CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG SIR? <br><br>
Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!
1 Comments,
17 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
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WHEELIE BIN 4/19/2018
A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheelie
bins and emptying them into his dustcart. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out
so he has a quick look for it, (unusual I know), goes round
the back but still can't see it, so he knocks on the door.
There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... "Harro",
says the ...
1 Comments,
22 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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The Vicar's Salary. 4/16/2018
The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within
the congregation. No one wants him to leave. <br><br>
Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships, stands up
and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide
him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda
mini-van to transport their !' ...
1 Comments,
32 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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Disappointed 4/16/2018
A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me,
which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?”
<br><br>
Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can
you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re
going to get you fired!” <br><br>
The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to
ignore it. She asked the ...
1 Comments,
33 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
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Blowjobs 4/16/2018
A husband comes home to find his wife packing a suitcase
<br><br>
"Where are you going?" He asked <br><br>
"Las Vegas" she said' " You can get
$400 for a blowjob there, so i figured i would get paid for
something i give you for free" <br><br>
"Hold on" He said " im coming too, i want
to see you survive on only ...
1 Comments,
20 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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THE SPOON AND THE STRING 4/14/2018
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference
for an organization. <br><br>
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant,
and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little
strange. <br><br>
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed
he Also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I ...
1 Comments,
17 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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everyone has limits... 3/21/2018
'Of course I won't laugh, ' said the nurse.
'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've
never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then, ' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop
his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy'
the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't
have been bigger than an AAA battery.
Unable to control herselff, the nurse started giggling,
then fell to ...
1 Comments,
132 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Crabs... 3/3/2018
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of
frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take
care of them for him. <br><br>
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.
<br><br>
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible
for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner
that he was a lawyer and ...
4 Comments,
36 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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