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NEW BULL 12/22/2005
On one sunny afternoon in a farm there are three bulls - elder,
middle-aged, and a young - talking to each other about a
new bull moving-in to their farm.
<br>
"I'm here in this farm for more than 50 years now.
And I earned my rights to have 50 cows during the years. I'm
not sharing one of my cows with that new bull coming-in."
grumbled by the elder bull.
<br>
"I've ...
0 Comments,
161 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Drinking Test 12/22/2005
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of
lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into
a breathalyzer.
<br>
"I can't do that, officer." <br>
"Why not?" <br>
"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma
attack if I blow into that tube." <br>
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the
station." <br>
"Can't ...
0 Comments,
190 Views,
8 Votes
,5.80 Score
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Blond Cop 12/22/2005
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red
sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer
(also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's
license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively
more agitated. "What does it look like?" she
finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's
square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally ...
2 Comments,
226 Views,
17 Votes
,4.96 Score
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The Prognosis 12/19/2005
Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told
his wife Alma that the
doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her
tears, he asked
her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made
passionate
love.
<br>
Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, "Honey,
now I only have
18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"
Alma agreed ...
3 Comments,
329 Views,
11 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Pete & Suzanne 12/19/2005
Pete met Suzanne in a nightclub.
They enjoyed each other's company very much and at
the end of the evening Suzanne invited Pete to her place,
where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and
energetic session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the
bed and snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Suzanne
began tenderly stroking ...
1 Comments,
259 Views,
14 Votes
,4.26 Score
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Fabric 12/19/2005
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter,
a pretty yet dominant woman asked, "I want to buy this
material for a new corset and skirt. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking
male clerk. "That's fine, " replied the
women. "I'll take five yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his
face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped ...
1 Comments,
216 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
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Elephant toes 12/16/2005
This is one of those jokes that are so bad that they make people
laugh. I use it at parties and it always breaks any ice. I'm
sure some of you will hate it though.
<br>
<br>
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
<br>
<br>
So they can hide in cherry trees. They're really good.
I mean, have you ever seen an elephant in a ...
1 Comments,
199 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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Sister in Law 12/15/2005
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over
a year, and so
we decided to get married.
<br>
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged
me. my girlfriend? She was a dream!
<br>
There was only one thing bothering
me, very much indeed. That one thing was her irresistible
younger sister.
<br>
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty ...
1 Comments,
398 Views,
18 Votes
,6.81 Score
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Ray & the Travel Agent 12/14/2005
Ray went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week
cruise for
himself and his lady friend.
The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and
reservations
were very tight at that moment, but that he would see what
he could
do.
<br>
A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said
he could get
them onto a three-day cruise. Ray was disappointed ...
0 Comments,
183 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Boots 12/14/2005
An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "snowbirds"
in Texas. Ray always
wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on
sale one day,
he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks
into the house and says to his wife:''Notice anything
different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope." Frustrated
Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses,
and walks back into the ...
0 Comments,
215 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
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Fisting anyone? 12/14/2005
3 women were sitting in a bar. The first woman said “my partner
can stick his whole hand inside me.” The second woman said
“my partner can stick his whole head inside me.” The third
woman said “that’s nothing”...and she start sliding down
the bar stool.
0 Comments,
392 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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Dr. You wont laugh will you? 12/13/2005
"You won't laugh?" asked Fred.
<br>
"Of course I won't laugh, " the doctor
said. "I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
<br>
"Okay then, " Fred said, and proceeded to drop
his trousers, revealing
the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't
have been the
size of a peanut.
<br>
Unable to control himself, the ...
0 Comments,
349 Views,
15 Votes
,4.66 Score
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If you only knew... 12/10/2005
According to a news report, a certain private school in
Markham, ON, Canada, was recently faced with a unique problem.
<br>
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick
and would put it on in the bathroom.
<br>
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they
would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little
lip prints.
<br>
...
0 Comments,
360 Views,
21 Votes
,5.85 Score
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Bus driver 12/10/2005
I used to be a long distance luxury bus driver.
Once I did a private hire for a party of fetishists.
They became a bit of a nuisance because they kept wanting
me to stop the bus so that they could have a "whip round"
for the driver!
0 Comments,
1043 Views,
7 Votes
,1.77 Score
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Welcome to mc hell 12/9/2005
Welcome to Mc Hell! How may I torture you today? Ways to torture
yourself and the customers while working at Mc Donald's
<br>
While working one morning at my fabulous job *smirk* with
a new manager on duty, some one made the comment "welcome
to Mc Hell". This got me to thinking; what could we
do to make our jobs all that much more enjoyable? Hope you
enjoy and think of this the next ...
1 Comments,
512 Views,
11 Votes
,2.05 Score
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Natures Law for MEN 12/8/2005
Nature has many laws that hold fast and true.
<br>
For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape;
likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon.
A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig.
A baby jackass will always become a jackass.
A puppy quickly matures into a dog;
a mongrel pup develops into a cur.
<br>
Yet oddly enough, women say a young ...
0 Comments,
269 Views,
11 Votes
,2.05 Score
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Painting the House 12/8/2005
One March day my wife said that the house needed painting.
"It's still winter, " I replied. "Forget
it." <br>
In April, she told me she had bought some exterior latex.
I said that it was still too cold to paint.
<br>
In May, I heard her outside one day yelling for help, and
we set up the ladder so she could start painting. Then I went
inside to get a beer. As I sat in a ...
0 Comments,
241 Views,
8 Votes
,2.09 Score
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Nasty Poison 12/8/2005
A pissed off wife was complaining about her husband spending
all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along.
<br>
"What'll ya have?" he asked.
<br>
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose, "
she replied.
<br>
So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and
threw his down in one go. His wife watched him, then took
a sip from her glass and ...
0 Comments,
320 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
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Who's the Boss? 12/6/2005
Little Adam and and his sister Chase were about to eat with
the baby sitter when Adam said, "You can't sit
in Daddy's chair!"
<br>
"Your daddy's not home, " the baby sitter
replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while
your parents are gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the
boss."
<br>
Chase, the younger one, quickly piped up, "Well if
you're the boss, then you better sit ...
0 Comments,
459 Views,
15 Votes
,3.13 Score
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WOMAN AND TORNADOS 12/6/2005
Why is a woman and a tornado a lot alike?
<br>
Because the scream when there coming and take the house
when there going!
0 Comments,
258 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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smart blond 12/6/2005
A blond is driving by this wheat field way out in the country,
when she see's this blond in a dingy trying row accross
this wheat field. Furious, the blond gets out of her car
and walks to the edge of the wheat field and screams "
YOU KNOW IT'S BLONDS LIKE YOU WHO GIVE THE REST OF US
BLONDS BAD NAMES, AND IF I COULD SWIM I WOULD KICK YOUR ASS!
0 Comments,
321 Views,
17 Votes
,3.27 Score
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Tickle Me Elmo 12/2/2005
I'm sure you're all familiar with the Tickle Me
Elmo toys. The toy Sesame Street character that laughs
when you tickle it under the arm.
<br>
Anyway, a new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory
and he reports for his first day promptly at 8:00am. The
next day at 8:45am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door. The foreman from the assembly line throws open the ...
0 Comments,
163 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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Quickie 12/2/2005
What did the 0 say to the 8 ?
<br>
Ooooh, nice belt
0 Comments,
236 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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junior 11/30/2005
One day mom was cleaning juniors room and in the closet she
found a
bondage S+M magazine. This was very upsetting for her.
<br>
She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed
it to him. He
looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.
<br>
She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about
this?" <br>
Dad looked at her and said, "Well ...
0 Comments,
311 Views,
21 Votes
,5.11 Score
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Dick Tracy lives! 11/29/2005
Two private detectives were secretly watching a young
woman through a bedroom window. The two detectives recognized
the woman as their 's wife and she was having
wild sex with a strange man.
"This is what I suspected, " detective number
one said, "Let's go in after him."
"Terrific, " detective number two said, "How
soon do you think he'll be finished."
0 Comments,
151 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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A very touching sign of respect. 11/29/2005
Four gentlemen were getting ready to tee off at the golf
course. As they were preparing to start the first round,
a funeral procession passed the golf course. One of the
men turned toward the procession, took off his hat and put
it over his heart.
"Why did you do that Harry?" Asked one of the
other golfers.
Harry replied, "It's the least I could do for
my wife."
0 Comments,
134 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Gotcha! 11/29/2005
There was a guy who, although married, liked to keep bachelor's
hours and, at the same time, demanded complete fidelity
of his wife. Every friday and saturday he would leave his
wife at home with the . His goodbye for those nights
was always the same: "Goodnight, mother of four!"
Then, one night, she called after him, her tone light and
cheery, "Goodnight, father of one."
(He ...
0 Comments,
151 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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Could be! 11/27/2005
"You've got the wrong number, " said the
sleepy eyed man into the telephone receiver, "you're
gonna have to call the weather report for that information."
"Who was that?" The beautiful young wife asked.
"Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear!"
0 Comments,
152 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
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Very true, if unpleasant for men! 11/27/2005
I have discovered that the most effective oral contraceptive
is the word "NO!"
0 Comments,
160 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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What should've been an obvious answer! 11/27/2005
During a friendly talk at the church picnic a young man asked
the elderly preacher "Is it really a sin to sleep with
a girl?"
"Not at all, " replied the man of the cloth,
"but you youngsters don't sleep!"
0 Comments,
125 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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And who needs help? 11/27/2005
The young man pulled the car to the shoulder of the deserted
road and stopped. He turned to his beautiful girl and asked
"If I try to make love to you will you call for help?"
"Only if you need it!" She replied.
0 Comments,
141 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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A smart student! 11/27/2005
The Vice-Principal of the elementary school stopped by
the room of the new third grade teacher. This was her first
day and he wanted to make sure she was adjusting adequately.
"There is one problem, " she whipsered to the
Vice-Principal, "the little tyke in the first row
should be in the second grade but he's so smart I would
really hate to send him back."
"Now really, he can't be ...
0 Comments,
206 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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A lawyer Joke with a riddle for the ages. 11/25/2005
A high-priced lawyer, a reasonably-price lawyer and the
Easter Bunny were playing cards one night. Suddenly, someone
threw a bag of money in the center of the table. The lights
went out momentarily and when they came back on the bag of
money was missing. Who, of the three sitting at the table,
took the money and an explanation of why that person took
it.
<br>
The high-priced ...
0 Comments,
217 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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A zinger and a half! 11/25/2005
"Why oh why do you have to buy bras that cost so much, "
said the angry husband as he looked over the credit card
bill, "You don't have much to put in them!"
"If we are going by those standards, " replied
the wife, "then you haven't needed a new pair
of underwear in decades!"
0 Comments,
134 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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Always listen carefully. 11/25/2005
"Hey jerk-off, " complained the young woman
to her boyfriend, "You promised to take me to Florida!"
"I never promised you any such thing, " insisted
her man friend, "All I said was 'I am going to tamper
with you'!"
0 Comments,
135 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
|
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I guess he thought he left her out! 11/25/2005
A young man entered a drug store and walked up to the counter
currently tended by a prudish, elderly woman. "Could
I please have three condoms, Miss?" He asked politely.
The elderly clerk became snippy and retorted "Don't
you 'Miss' me!"
"Alright, " the young man said, "make
it four then."
0 Comments,
127 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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A truth about our legal system. 11/25/2005
In case you didn't know it, a jury is a group of twelve
people chosen to decide who has the better lawyer!
0 Comments,
113 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
|
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Whisky 11/25/2005
Woman walks intoa bar, and asks bartender for 5 whiskies.
<br>
The bartender asks why so many?
<br>
Woman replies I've just given head for the first time
(blowjob)
<br>
Bartender replies congratulations have the sixth one
on the house.
<br>
Woman replies no thanks if five won't kill the taste
I don't think extra one will either.
<br>
<br> ...
0 Comments,
196 Views,
12 Votes
,2.27 Score
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Hook, line and sinker! 11/22/2005
"Honey, " the wife said sweetly to her husband
at the breakfast table, "do you remember the bass
you spent a weekend fishing for a couple of months ago?"
"Yeah, of course, " muttered the husband putting
down his newspaper.
"One of them called to tell you you're going to
be a father!"
0 Comments,
212 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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He may have discovered an important clue. 11/22/2005
Did anyone ever hear about the guy who never worried about
his wife's fidelity? He never worried about it until
he moved from Baltimore to San Diego and found out he had
the same postman!
0 Comments,
159 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
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A true business man! 11/22/2005
Two very successful retauranteurs were talking business
when one sadly announced, "I just found out my married
is having an affair."
"Oh really, " replied the other, "Who's
catering it?"
0 Comments,
219 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
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That'll teach him a lesson! 11/22/2005
The mild mannered Civil Servant returned from work early
one day. When he entered, he found a topcoat, hat and umbrella,
none of which belonged to him. He walked into the bedroom
where he found his wife on the couch being made love to by
a handsome man. The Civil Servant, crazy for revenge, picked
up the umbrella and broke over his knee. As he threw the broken
pieces of umbrella to the ...
0 Comments,
194 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
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Did he just prove her point? 11/22/2005
A business man returned home from a trip to find his wife
in bed fornicating with a handsome young man.
"Just what the hell do you two think you're doing?"
The husband asked indignantly.
"What did I tell you?" The wife said to the man
in bed with her, "didn't I tell you he was an idiot!"
0 Comments,
116 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
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Righteous Indignation! 11/21/2005
The hotel manager picked up the phone only to have a woman
scream into his ear. "I'm in room 210, "
the female guest raved, "and you should know that
there is a man walking around his room, just across the way,
completely naked and his drapes aren't drawn and,
well, I'm just totally shocked by the management of
this hotel!"
"Ma'am, " the manager replied, "I'll
have Security come up ...
0 Comments,
132 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
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It's all in how you phrase the question! 11/21/2005
"I take the next turn, don't I?" The driver
of the automobile asked. The muffled, female voice from
the back seat replied, "Like hell you do!"
0 Comments,
114 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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A lady too smart to fall for the old routine! 11/21/2005
The pickup truck coasted to a stop by the edge of the road.
"We're out of gas, " said the young man,
smiling wickedly.
"Yeah, I though you just might be, " the girl
replied, pulling a flask from her purse.
"Yeah baby, " the young man exclaimed, "what
have you got? Vodka? Gin? Whiskey?"
The girl smiled wide. "89 octane unleaded!"
0 Comments,
133 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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A slight variation on an old routine! 11/21/2005
George's Ford Mustang coasted to a stop at the edge
of the road.
"Please don't tell me you're going to pull
that worn out routine of 'we're out of gas'
are you." Said his date.
"Not a chance, " George replied, "I use
the 'here after' routine."
"What is the 'here after' routine? Asked
the young woman.
"If you're not here after what I'm here after
then you're going ...
0 Comments,
123 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
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Uh-uh. 11/21/2005
A young man was trying to pick up a lovely young lass in a bar.
"First, I'm gonna but you some drinks and get
you a buzz going, " said the young man.
"No you won't" replied the woman.
"Next, I'm gonna take you to a fancy restaurant,
get you a great meal and buy you some more drinks."
"No you won't."
"Then, we're gonna go to my place and I'm
gonna give you some ...
0 Comments,
155 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
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The WORST BDSM joke of all time! 11/21/2005
QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?
<br>
ANSWER: Because she was a masochist and wanted to get run
over.
<br>
(I warned you)
0 Comments,
303 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
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Is he really listening? 11/21/2005
After an entire evening of warding off the sexual advances
of her blind date, the young woman finally put her foot down
and said, with great indignation, "Look buddy, this
is the absolute last time I'm going to tell you NO!"
"Terrific, " exclaimed the young man, "now
we're getting somewhere!"
0 Comments,
101 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Reflections on life past... 11/21/2005
An elderly gentleman considered his past and reflected,
"If I had my life to live all over again, I'd make
the same mistakes-only I'd make them sooner!"
0 Comments,
80 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
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Sage advice! 11/21/2005
A very wise old man once told me "Never put off until
tomorrow what you can do today-because if you enjoy it today
you can do it again tomorrow!
0 Comments,
103 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
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That would be one way to handle the situation. 11/21/2005
I know a guy who has read so much about the horrible effects
of smoking that he has decided to give up reading!
0 Comments,
76 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Really bad joke of the day! 11/18/2005
The experts of zoology at Yale, after many years of research,
have shown definitively why mice have small balls: Apparently,
not many of them know how to dance!
0 Comments,
145 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
A question for the ages. 11/18/2005
Being that basketball players are all so tall, do you suppose
their girlfriends have to go up on them?
0 Comments,
87 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
|
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How romantic. 11/18/2005
The young woman asked her doctor to perform a rather unusual
procedure and that was to remove a large chunk of purple
wax from her belly button. Looking up from the procedure,
the doctor inquired, "Just how did this happen?"
"Yeah, well doc it's like this, "the woman
replied, "my boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight."
0 Comments,
126 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
|
|
Wonders of pharmacology! 11/18/2005
A brand new and highly effective erectile disfunction
pill for men is now on the market. One side effect is that
if you swallow it too slowly, you get a stiff neck!
0 Comments,
80 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Corny joke of the day. 11/18/2005
A beautiful young girl stolled along the beach in her brief
bikini. She stopped in front of a couple of young surfers
and struck a pose. The beauty asked the boys, "Do you
like bathing beauties?"
The least intelligent of the two surfers replied, "I
don't know, I never bathed one."
0 Comments,
98 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
The sounds of love? 11/17/2005
The young couple parked in a dark area at lover's lane.
The pretty young woman whispered romantically, "Isn't
it lovely here tonight-and listen to those crickets."
"Those aren't crickets, " her young man
replied, "they're zippers!"
0 Comments,
105 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
This is not really true...is it? 11/17/2005
The woman came storming into her apartment after her blind
date and complained to her roomy, "What a character,
I had to slap his face four times tonight!"
"What did he do?" Asked the roommate.
"Not a thing, " mumbled the girl, "I had
to see if he was awake!"
0 Comments,
118 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
|
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ALLLLLLrighty then! 11/17/2005
"What, " the beautiful young woman asked her
date, "is hotblooded, passionate, daring, submissive
and hums?"
The young man thought for a few moments, shrugged his shoulders
and replied "I don't know."
The gorgeous woman smiled and replied "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm..."
0 Comments,
105 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
|
|
It's in the phrase...again. 11/17/2005
All he had asked for was a goodnight kiss, but his date rebuffed
him by saying, "I don't do that sort of thing on
my first date."
"Okay, well then, " the young man replied,
"how about on your last?"
0 Comments,
61 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Does this situation sound familiar to anybody? 11/16/2005
The wedded couple were attending their first session with
a marriage counselor when the wife barked at her husband,
"That's a lie-I do enjoy sex!" Then she
turned to the counselor and added, "but this sex fiend
expects it two or three times a year!"
0 Comments,
288 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
|
|
Suspicious minds 11/16/2005
"My wife is the most suspicious person in the world, "
complained the harried husband to his sympathetic friend,
"If I come home early, she thinks I'm after something
and if I come home late she thinks I've already had it!"
0 Comments,
65 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Think about it! 11/16/2005
"I'm always worried when your away on a business
trip, " said the traveling salesman's young,
beautiful wife.
"Don't worry about me baby, " he replied
comfortingly, "I'll be back before you know
it."
"I know, " she said, "That's what
worries me."
0 Comments,
66 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
Talk about lousy timing! 11/16/2005
George and Phil, both expectant fathers, were pacing the
floor of the waiting room of the maternity floor of the hospital.
"Of all the rotten luck, " protested George,
"This naturally had to happen during my vacation!"
"You think you got problems?" Grumbled Phil,
"I'm on my honeymoon!"
0 Comments,
70 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
|
|
It's all in the meaning. 11/16/2005
The date for the marriage was set for July and the good Christian
bride-to-be cuddled with her husband-to-be and said,
"sweetheart, I want to make love before we get married."
"It's not long until July my darling, "
the man replied.
"Oh, " she exclaimed, "and just how long
will it be then."
0 Comments,
106 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
Always do what mom says! 11/15/2005
"My mommy, " said the beautiful young woman
to her handsome date, "says there are some things
a girl should not do before twenty."
"Your mom is right, " replied the handsome
young man, "I don't like a large audience either."
0 Comments,
117 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
Always be careful how you say things! 11/15/2005
The nice young man approached the older, snooty woman on
the dance floor.
"I am sorry, " she said in a superior tone, "But
I couldn't possibly dance with a !"
"Oh I am sorry, " said the nice young man, "I
didn't know your condition."
0 Comments,
163 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
Is this a lawyer joke or a politically incorrect dumb blond joke? 11/15/2005
The high-priced lawyer (is there any other kind?) was in
his office when his receptionist said a new had arrived.
The new turned out to be a beautiful blond and a very
sexy mother of a little boy.
"I want a divorce from my husband, " the blond
announced.
"And for what grounds?" Asked the attorney.
"Infidelity, " replied the beautiful blond,
"I don't believe my husband ...
0 Comments,
105 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
He should've been sure in the first place. 11/15/2005
After being married for just over a year to one of a set of
gorgeous identical twins, the young man found himself
in court seeking a divorce. "It's like this your
honor, my wife's sister visits us a whole lot and sometimes
I'd come home and make love to her by mistake."
"But surely there must be some difference between
the two women." The Judge said.
"You bet there is, " ...
0 Comments,
82 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
|
|
You gotta hate it when that happens! 11/15/2005
One sad drunk was crying in beer, telling his bar buddy his
sad story. "I had everything a man could possibly
want, " said the sobbing drunk, "Money, a terrific
home, the love of a beautiful and rich woman. Then, boom,
one morning my wife walked in!"
0 Comments,
85 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
This one is a real groaner... 11/14/2005
NASA is about to enter the next phase of space exploration.
They are planning on putting five hundred head of cattle
into orbit around the earth. It'll be the herd shot
round the world!
0 Comments,
72 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score
|
|
A little bit of philosophy. 11/14/2005
A man who likes to lie in bed will usually find a woman willing
to listen!
0 Comments,
94 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
Good morning class. 11/14/2005
At the beginning of the first class of the day, the professor
told his students, "I find the best way to start the
day is to exercise for fifteen minutes, take in deep breaths
of fresh air and then finish with a long, warm shower. Then
I feel rosy all over."
The sleepy voice of a freshman from the back of the classroom
said, "Tell us more about Rosy."
0 Comments,
132 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
|
|
A political joke that rings true! 11/14/2005
None of us should be surprised to learn that Democrats have
more than Republicans. I mean, have you ever heard
of anyone getting a good piece of elephant?
0 Comments,
76 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
It's the truth! 11/14/2005
A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it
does an equally good job of stopping circulation!
0 Comments,
81 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
The penguin and the mechanic 11/12/2005
A Penguin was driving along in his car when it starts spluttering
and smoke start belowing out of the exsaust. The Penguin
pulls into a garage and the mechanic says leave the car with
me and come back in an hour. So the penguin waddles off down
the street, see's an icecream parlour and goes in to
buy an icecream. Now because the Penguin hasn't got
any hands it takes him nearly an hour to ...
0 Comments,
132 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
|
|
Rocky 11/12/2005
Rocky, a mafia wise-guy, just had gotten paid a plentiful
sum of money. He decided to improve his image and have a swell
night-out impressing the ladies. So he went and purchased
a custom tailored Armani suite, a Forzieri shirt, and a
pair of $500 Gucci shoes. After being well suited for his
night on the town, he started out at his favorite night club;
where he new the ladies were hot and ...
0 Comments,
129 Views,
8 Votes
,0.23 Score
|
|
That's why only the bride gets a shower! 11/11/2005
The main reason no one ever gives the groom a shower is that
everyone figures he's all washed up anyway!
0 Comments,
94 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
|
|
Be careful how you phrase your comments... 11/11/2005
"Oh baby, give me a kiss, " the young man commanded
his beautiful date.
"You'll have to make me, " came her teasing
reply.
"Not so fast, " the young man protested, "All
I want now is a kiss!"
0 Comments,
126 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
|
|
Fool proof birth control 11/11/2005
I have discovered that the most fool proof method of birth
control is the common aspirin tablet. The woman simply
holds it firmly between her knees!
0 Comments,
77 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
|
|
This is a little Johnny Joke when he was very little! 11/11/2005
Little Johnny came home after his first day of 1st Grade.
He walked up to his mom and dad and asked "What is sex?"
After the parents got over being embarrassed, they explained
the birds and bees to little Johnny.
Looking confused, Johnny pulled a questionnaire from
his pocket and asked "How am I going to put all that
stuff in this little space marked 'Sex'?"
0 Comments,
88 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
|
|
What comes from the mouth of ... 11/11/2005
At Sunday school, the teacher asked her class of tikes if
they could name the ten commandments. One little five year
old boy stood up and proudly proclaimed, "Thou shalt
not omit adultery!"
0 Comments,
75 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
|
|
The Woman and the Panda 11/10/2005
A Woman picks up a Panda in a bar and takes him back to her place.
She takes off her clothes and is now spreadeagle on the bed.
The Panda goes down on her, fucks her then heads for the front
door. the Woman asks "where are you going" and
he replies "i'm a Panda, look it up in the dictionary.
PANDA:- EATS SHOOTS AND LEAVES".
0 Comments,
162 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
|
|
Be careful what you suggest... 11/10/2005
"I've got a terrific idea honey, " proclaimed
the beautiful wife to her husband, "let's go
out tonight and have some real fun!"
"Sounds great darling, " replied the husband,
"If you get home first, leave the hallway light on
for me."
0 Comments,
96 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
|
|
I would have never thought that! 11/10/2005
Some husbands are so interested in their wive's continued
happiness that they hire private detectives to find out
the reason for it!
0 Comments,
94 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
The philosophy of someone! 11/10/2005
A man is incomplete until he is married-then he is really
finished!
0 Comments,
108 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
What a thing for a boss to ask! 11/10/2005
After his two week vacation had ended, George asked his
boss for two more weeks off so he could get married.
"I just gave you two weeks vacation, " said
the enraged boss, "why didn't you get married
then?"
"What, are you kidding, " exclaimed George,
"and ruin my vacation!"
0 Comments,
114 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
|
|
You're only as old as you feel! 11/10/2005
While interviewing the sixty eight year old champion rodeo
rider from Houston Texas, the newspaper reporter remarked,
"You are really an extraordinary man, I mean, a rodeo
champion at your age."
"Hell, taint nothin'" replied the old
cowpoke, "I ain't nearly half the man my Pappy
is. He just now got himself a contract to play linebacker
for a pro football team and he's eighty nine ...
0 Comments,
94 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
|
|
Makes sense to me! 11/9/2005
I have just been told about two nudists who decided to stop
dating because they both felt they had been seeing too much
of each other.
0 Comments,
62 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
|
|
Okay then... 11/9/2005
The morning after a drunken orgy, the great god of war awoke.
He stretched and yawned and noticed a beautiful Valkyrie
standing near a window.
"Greetings beautiful one, " he said, "I'm
Thor!"
"You're Thor?" The Valkyrie replied,
"I'm tho thor it hurth to thit down!"
0 Comments,
67 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
Yummy! 11/9/2005
Two cannibals were talking over dinner. The first cannibal
said, "You know, I just can't stand my mother-in-law."
"Forget about her then, " replied the second,
"just eat the rice."
0 Comments,
96 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
An observation. 11/9/2005
If you want to avoid a hangover, just keep drinking!
0 Comments,
76 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
Good idea! 11/9/2005
Two drunks were in a bar at closing time. "I've
got a great idea, " said one of the drunks, "lets
have one more drink and then go get laid."
"No man, " replied the second drunk, "I've
got more than I can handle at home."
"Great, " said the first drunk, "lets
have one more drink and then go up to your place."
0 Comments,
90 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
That explains a lot. 11/8/2005
The new employee at the zoo went to the experienced zookeeper
and asked "how do porcupines have sex?" The
old zookeeper replied, "carefully, very carefully."
0 Comments,
66 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
|
|
Ask a stupid question... 11/8/2005
"How is it I find you sleeping with my , "
screamed the father in rage, "I ask you you of a
bitch, how is it?"
"Well, it's just great sir, " answered
the young man calmly, "just great."
0 Comments,
98 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
|
|
Even in another part of the world... 11/8/2005
I was recently told about a Japanese in Toyko
who went broke because no one had a yen for her.
0 Comments,
55 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
Celebrate good times!!!! 11/8/2005
A young man enters a bar and asks the bartender for two fingers
of scotch. The barkeep pours the drink and the young man
downs it in one swallow. "Let me have another please."
Said the young man. The bartender again pours the two fingers
of booze and the young man downs it again in a single swallow.
"Another please, " said the young man. "Don't
you think you better slow down young ...
0 Comments,
60 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
Can you help a gal out... 11/8/2005
Bernice and Vanessa, two professional "Ladies of
the Evening" were talking. Bernice had recently
been in a car accident. Bernice asked Vanessa, "Can
you loan me a hundred bucks, just until I can get back on my
back"
4 Comments,
266 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score
|
|
Fun puns 11/7/2005
We are beings of pleasure. Yet, we live in a sex-and-pleasure-
negative culture. Most of us are very fragmented and wounded
around sexuality. We often have a very limited experience
which leaves us feeling deeply unsatisfied. We know that
there has to be more to sex and we want more.
<br>
Sacredness is not used here in any conventional religious
sense. It refers to natural ...
0 Comments,
99 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
Dumb slave-girl joke #7 11/7/2005
A Mistress takes Her slave girl to her first bondage convention.
In their hotel room, they unpack their suitcases and dress
in their finest fetish wear, lacing each other's corsets
very tightly.
<br>
<br>
The slave has been ordered to make a grand entrance when
finished
dressing and is thrilled at the prospect. The Mistress
saunters down
to the convention hall to ...
0 Comments,
136 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
|
|
Dumb slave-girl joke #6 11/7/2005
Question:
<br>
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb slave girl, and a smart
slave girl are walking down the street and see a $20 bill
laying on the ground. Who picks it up?
<br>
<br>
Answer:
<br>
The dumb slave girl, because theres no such thing as Santa
Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart slave girl.
0 Comments,
88 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
Dumb slave-girl joke #5 11/7/2005
Two slave girls are walking in the woods when one looks down
and
asks, " Look, is that poop?" <br>
<br>
The other bends down and smells it,
"Smells like poop." <br>
<br>
They both stick there fingers in it,
"feels like poop." <br>
<br>
They taste it, "Tastes like poop." <br>
<br>
One girl says to the other, "Sure glad we ...
0 Comments,
95 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Slave-girl joke #4 11/7/2005
Question:
<br>
What is the difference between a slave girl and a bowling
ball?
<br>
<br>
<br>
Answer:
<br>
You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
0 Comments,
101 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
stupid slav-girl joke #3 11/7/2005
A librarian, a construction worker, and a slave girl all
died and went
to heaven. God says that if they jump off this one cloud and
said what
they wanted to be in the next life, that He would grant their
wish.
<br>
The librarian leaps off the cloud shouting "fox"
and becomes a
beautiful fox roaming a lush green forest.
<br>
The construction worker swan dives from the ...
0 Comments,
104 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Stupid slave-girl joke #2 11/7/2005
80, 000 slave girls meet in the Baltimore Ballpark at Camden
Yards for
a "Slav Grrls R Not Stewpid" Convention.
<br>
The elder slave leader announces over the loudspeakers,
"We are all
here today to prove to the world that sub girls are not stupid.
Can I
have a volunteer?" A corseted and handcuffed slut
gingerly works her
way through the crowd and steps up to the stage, ...
0 Comments,
114 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
|
|
Dumb slave-girl joke #1 11/7/2005
This guy just started at his new job, working at a sex toy
shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave
for a while, and asks "can you handle it?" The
new employee is somewhat reluctant, but finally agrees.
<br>
So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a pretty
house wife in a flowered dress and sensible shoes comes
in.
She asks, "How much for ...
0 Comments,
101 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
|
|
heaven 11/6/2005
joke written by steve martin.
<br>
What if you died, and you woke up, and you were in heaven.
And there were lights and pearly gates. Wouldn't you
feel stupid. "Oo no. This is what they were.. ahh.
In college they said this was all bull-shit. Well i'll
just go in now. What? You'v been keeping records on
me. Oo I wasn't so bad. How many times did I take the lords
name in vane? ...
0 Comments,
78 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Little Johnny's Good Manners 11/6/2005
During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach
good manners,
asks her male students the following question:
<br>
If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
<br>
She first picked Michael and he said, "Just a minute
I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would ...
0 Comments,
154 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
|
|
adam and eve 11/5/2005
when god made adam he put him on earth and told him here is
a new place check it out tell me what you think ill come back
and ask you later, so 2 weeks go by god asks adam how he liked
it.adam said its great but kind of lonely .so god created
eve and left them together for 2 weeks and one day he came
upon adam lying by a tree he asked adam how he liked his new
friend.adam said oh it was ...
0 Comments,
147 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Little Red Riding Hood 11/5/2005
Little Red Riding Hood was skipping through the forest
one day when she saw the Big Bad Wolf crouched behind a tree.
She stops by the tree and says to Big Bad Wolf, "what
big eyes you have". Big Bad Wolf replies "fuck
off, cant you see i'm having a shit".
0 Comments,
99 Views,
3 Votes
|
|
superman feeling horny 11/5/2005
Superman was flying over the rooftops one-day feeling
rather horny, when he spots wonder woman naked and sunbathing.
He thinks to himself 'I could swoop down there now give
her one and fly off again before she even realises. So quick
as a flash he swoops down gives her one and shoots off again.
Wonder woman jumps up and says, What the fuck was that.
I dont know but my ...
0 Comments,
127 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
|
|
A visit to the city 11/3/2005
An Amish family went to the city. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw in the mall. The young boy and his father
were especially amazed by the silver walls that opened
and then slid shut again.
The boy said "What is this father"?
Having never seen an elevator before the father replied
"I have never seen anything like this in my life, I
don't know what it is ".
...
0 Comments,
123 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
A little advice for the guys... 11/2/2005
This is a little piece of advice I was given years ago. When
you find yourself exhausted, pooped out from too much fun,
when wine women and song become too much for you. Give up
the singing.
0 Comments,
151 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
|
|
This is probably a true story... 11/2/2005
The highly distraught woman patient cried to her psychiatrist,
"I don't have any talent! I can't act! I can't
sing! I can't dance! I can't tell a joke! I want
to quit show business!"
"Then, why don't you?" Inquired the doctor.
"I can't, " she replied tearfully, "I'm
a star!"
0 Comments,
156 Views,
7 Votes
,1.51 Score
|
|
I say old chap... 11/2/2005
Two Englishmen were riding a train car out of Chicago when
they struck up a conversation with an American.
"I say, " asked the younger Englishman, "have
you ever been to London?"
"It was my home for two years, " replied the
American, "I had some truly wonderful, if not wild,
times in that old city."
The elder Englishman was hard of hearing and he asked the
younger "What ...
0 Comments,
97 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
|
|
So that's how you can tell if you can trust a woman! 11/2/2005
"If I learned anything about women, I've learned
this, " said the experienced man to his drinking
pal, "you can not trust a gal with brown eyes."
"Oh jeez, I just realized, " said the slightly
inebriated drinking buddy, "I've been married
for three years and I don't know the color of my wife's
eyes." He then slammed down his drink and headed for
home to check his wife's eye color. ...
0 Comments,
105 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
|
|
Define "uncouth." 11/2/2005
A young man had invited his fiancee to meet his parents over
dinner and drinks at a very posh retaurant night club. After
the young man's mom and dad departed, the woman wanted
to know if she left a good impression on his folks.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart, " the young man
said, "but while you were in the powder room, my mom
said she considered you to be, well, rather uncouth."
"Did ...
0 Comments,
119 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
|
|
lorana 11/1/2005
did you hear that lorana bobit got killed in a car crash yeah
some dick cut her off
0 Comments,
138 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
cheating couple 10/30/2005
A man is diagnosed with a terminal condition and is given
1 day to live givin the advanced stage of his aillment. He
snuggles into bed and confesses to his wife that he had had
an affair once and only once a long time ago. She responded
to this be telling him that she had also had cheated on him
but 3 times. He was taken aback and asked for more details.
"Well the first time, remember when ...
0 Comments,
219 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
|
|
What the butler saw 10/29/2005
Her Ladyship goes into her butler's living quarters
and says,
"James, take my dress off for me!"
"Very well your Ladyship."
"James, take my suspenders and stockings off for
me!"
"Very well your ladyship."
"James, take my bra and panties off for me!"
"Very well your Ladyship."
"James ...(sigh) .... don't wear them again!"
0 Comments,
134 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
|
|
beautifulness 10/26/2005
My best friend is married and his wife owes all of her prettyness
and beautifullness to him. His wife picks cherrys for fun.
One day his wife fell from the tree and rolled all the way
down some hill. Her face was all tore up and brused and cut.
But she didn't drop a single cherry. She had to do some
skin graphting to repaire and replace the missing skin
on her face. Her husband donated the ...
0 Comments,
160 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
What a zinger! 10/26/2005
There was a young wife whose grouchy husband had become
neglectful. The woman decided to try one last time to awaken
his sleeping interest with a little attempt to make him
jealous.
"Sweetheart, " she whispered one night, "the
young, handsome doctor I saw today told me I had the most
beautiful face, the most firm and round breasts and the
longest, shapliest legs he had ever seen in ...
2 Comments,
190 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
|
|
Well Mom... 10/26/2005
Kathy, her face streaked with tears, went to her mother.
"Mommy, " she confessed, sobbing softly,
"I'm pregnant."
"Oh my poor Kathy, " Mom lamented, "who
is the father?"
"How should I know, " Kathy cried harder, "you
never let me go steady!"
0 Comments,
310 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
|
|
Oh yeah... 10/26/2005
"You know, the trouble with Gus, " Jayne complained
to her roommate Janice, "is once he starts kissing
you, he just never knows where to stop."
"That's odd, " countered Janice, "the
last time we went out he found a terrific place to stop!"
0 Comments,
175 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
A woman who really cares... 10/26/2005
The beautiful super model looked very despondent, so the
photographer inquired as to what the problem was.
"Oh, it's my poor boyfriend, " she explained,
"He was destroyed, wiped out by the stock market,
he lost everything-all his money, you know."
"You must feel terribly sorry for him, " observed
the photographer.
"Yes, yes I do, " replied the super model, "he'll
miss me ...
0 Comments,
109 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
A has to make a living too! 10/26/2005
After spending the entire evening with the gorgeous young
, the married businessman was shocked by the
small amount of money she requested for her services. "It's
really none of my business, " said the businessman,
"but you're not really doing yourself justice
and I can't understand how you manage to survive on
fees as small as these."
"Oh, it all works out pretty even, " the ...
0 Comments,
130 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
The question that may never be answered! 10/25/2005
A young lady tourist was visiting Scotland. She saw a man
in the traditional kilt and her curiousity overcame her.
She approached the older Scotish gentleman. "Excuse
me for being blunt, " she said politely, "but
is there anything worn under your kilt?"
"Nay Lassie, " the Scot replied with a smile,
"It's as fir as it ever was!"
0 Comments,
127 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Welcome to Camp Sunshine. 10/25/2005
"So, how did you like your first visit to a nudist camp?"
One young bachelor asked his friend.
"Yeah, " replied the buddy, "the first
three days were the hardest!"
0 Comments,
120 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
A star is born! 10/25/2005
"Do you really think I can become a star?" Cooed
the beautiful young wannabe actress, as she cuddled closer
to the producer.
"I most certainly do, " answered the producer,
"why, you're already starting to make it big!"
0 Comments,
102 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
|
|
Always buy at Victoria's Secret! 10/25/2005
The lovely woman had just bought some lingerie at Victoria's
Secret. An advertisement said that the company would be
glad to embroider any special messages on any undergarments
for no charge. The young woman asked the clerk "Can
you embroider 'If you can read this you're too
damn close'?"
"Yes, certainll ma'am, " replied the
clerk, "would you like that in script, italics or
block ...
0 Comments,
112 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
When riding an elevator, a girl should... 10/25/2005
The crowded elevator had just started to go up when a beautiful
young woman screamed and cried out "I've been
geesed!"
"I think you mean 'goosed'" said an
elderly male passenger.
"Excuse me sir, but I do know how to count!" the
groped woman replied.
0 Comments,
174 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score
|
|
Okay... 10/24/2005
I have a friend who wanted to get something for his wife...unfortunately,
no one would start the bidding.
0 Comments,
72 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
Well he is trying... 10/24/2005
Samantha was very upset when she came home from her bridge
club to catch her husband Charlie in bed with a midget.
"Charlie you promised that you would never cheat
on me again!" Samantha cried.
"Charlie just shrugged his shoulders and said, "well,
surely you can see, I am tapering off."
0 Comments,
74 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
Never drink on an empty stomach! 10/24/2005
The two drunk pals were planted on their favorite bar stools
in their favorite bar.
"I think I'll get a bite to eat, " said the
first intoxicated man. He downed his drink and then plucked
the olive from the glass and ate it.
"Well now, " said the inebriated bar buddy,
"that calls for an after dinner drink!"
0 Comments,
92 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
Say it with flowers... 10/24/2005
One day a young man, for no particular reason, decided to
buy his girlfriend a dozen long stem roses. When he arrived
at her apartment and gave her the flowers, she immediately
took off all her clothes and fell to the floor with her legs
wide open. "This is for the flowers, " she said
sweetly.
"Don't be silly, " said the young man,
looking around the apartment, "you've gotta
have ...
0 Comments,
78 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
An easily understood misunderstanding 10/24/2005
"My wife's an absolute angel, " said the
young man to the older man sitting next to him in the bar.
"You are very lucky, " replied the obviously
unhappy older man, "my wife's still alive!"
0 Comments,
68 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
The political commentary of the day. 10/24/2005
Personally, I think the biggest problem with political
jokes is that they sometimes get elected!
0 Comments,
85 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
A little play on words maybe... 10/24/2005
A muscular body builder was showing off one day at the beach.
He was lifting two bikini wearing beauties into the air,
one with each arm.
"Look at that, " said a surfer to his pal, "check
out the girls on that boob!"
0 Comments,
123 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
A real groaner.... 10/24/2005
Many people are not aware of the fact that I was the first
person to be cloned. The duplicate looked like me, sounded
like me, acted like me, was exactly like me except he couldn't
open his mouth with uttering the most vile, obscene and
vulgar language imaginable. My clone followed me everywhere,
always cursing and swearing. Folks around began to think
my foul mouthed clone was me. I ...
0 Comments,
66 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Fly the friendly skies! 10/24/2005
With the airlines laying off so many workers, there was
a flight attendant who decided to turn to .
The only problem was she continued to greet her clientele
with a cheery "Welcome aboard."
0 Comments,
100 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Order in the court! 10/24/2005
"The charge against you is a serious one, "
declared the judge, "you are charged with assault
and battery upon your husband. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, " said the beautiful young woman,
"I only struck him because of the foul name he called
me."
"What, exactly, did he call you?" inquired
the judge.
"I don't know if I can, it's so terrible-he,
he called me a two-bit ...
0 Comments,
71 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Freudian Slip... 10/21/2005
A patient says: “Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip,
I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to
say: “Could you please pass the butter.”
<br>
But instead I said: “You silly cow, you have completely
ruined my life”.”
0 Comments,
151 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
|
|
Alsatian and a post office... 10/21/2005
An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form
and wrote:
“Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
<br>
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog:
<br>
“There are only nine words here. You could send another
‘Woof’ for the same price.”
<br>
“But, ” the replied, “that would make no sense at all.”
0 Comments,
88 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
|
|
Doctor, Doctor ... prt 2 10/21/2005
A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse
news'.
<br>
'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.
<br>
The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.
<br>
'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How
can the news possibly be worse?'
<br>
<br>
The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact
you since yesterday'.
0 Comments,
94 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
The time will come... 10/21/2005
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
<br>
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
0 Comments,
156 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
Dangerous City... 10/21/2005
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was
mugged by a gang of snails.
<br>
A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle
if he could explain what happened.
<br>
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look
on his face and replied
<br>
"I don't know, it all happened so fast."
0 Comments,
109 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Doctor, Doctor... 10/21/2005
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried
and all strung out.
<br>
She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up
this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my
hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and
pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with
me, ...
0 Comments,
96 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
all aboard the 171 to Bermondsey... 10/21/2005
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
<br>
The bus driver says: “wow, that's the ugliest baby
that I've ever seen.”
<br>
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: “That fucking driver just insulted
me!”
<br>
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead,
I'll hold your monkey for ...
0 Comments,
89 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Going a huntin' 10/21/2005
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one
of them falls to the ground.
<br>
He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled
back in his head.
<br>
The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency
services. He gasps to the operator:
“My friend is dead! What can I do?”
<br>
The operator, in a calm soothing voice ...
0 Comments,
71 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Another economist joke... 10/21/2005
Talk is cheap.
Supply exceeds Demand.
0 Comments,
53 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Go figure.... 10/21/2005
Economists do it with models...
0 Comments,
57 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
F U C K - a definition of a glorious word! 10/21/2005
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words
in the English language today is the word "fuck".
<br>
It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe
pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
<br>
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical
categories.
<br>
It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary)
and intransitive (Mary ...
1 Comments,
102 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Don't metion the war.... 10/21/2005
The European Commission has just announced an agreement
whereby English will be the official language of the EU
rather than German which was the other possibility. As
part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known
as "Euro-English".
<br>
In the first year, ...
0 Comments,
49 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
a Chav at theJobcentre 10/21/2005
A chav goes into the jobcentre and says to the guy at the desk
"Aigh' mate, I wanna get a job coz me sick of dottin'
on innit? Wha' ya got"?
<br>
"Well" replies the man "It's your
lucky day because i've just had a job come in here for
the position of a bodyguard to a rich businessman. He wants
someone to look after his gorgeous, eighteen year old model
, all expenses paid for, ...
0 Comments,
124 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
More footie jokes 10/21/2005
Q) What is the difference between a hedgehog and Old Trafford........
A) On a hedgehog all the pricks are on the outside !!
<br>
Q) What is the difference between David Beckham and God?
A) God doesn't think he is David Beckham.
<br>
Q: How many Manchester Utd. fans does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb, one to buy the "1997
lightbulb ...
0 Comments,
66 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
virus alert 10/21/2005
The David Beckham virus - This affects newer computers
mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on
but nothing works.
<br>
The Roy Keane virus -
Throws you out of Windows.
<br>
The Alex Ferguson virus -
The computer develops a continuous whining noise and the
on-screen clock runs a lot faster or slower than all the
other computers in the building.
...
0 Comments,
57 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Hammers... 10/21/2005
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground
and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen.
<br>
The police are looking for a man
with a claret & blue carpet.
0 Comments,
49 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
scouse terror cell 10/21/2005
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has
been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool.
<br>
Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.
The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that
the terrorists Bin Thievin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin
have been arrested on immigration issues.
<br>
The Police advise further that they can find ...
0 Comments,
84 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Olympics 2012 - Liverpool's Bid 10/21/2005
Liverpool's Olympic Bid
<br>
Did you know that Liverpool had put a bid in for the Olympics?
Here is a section of their bid that was leaked from the IOC...
<br>
OPENING CEREMONY
The Olympic flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown
into the arena by a native of the Toxteth area of the City,
wearing the traditional costume of balaclava and shell
suit.
<br>
THE ...
0 Comments,
93 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
Lets sing a song!... 10/21/2005
Sung to the tune of
"You are my sunshine"
<br>
You are a scouser,
An ugly scouser,
You're only happy,
on giro day,
your mum's out thieving,
your dad's drug-dealing,
so please dont take,
my hubcaps,
away.
0 Comments,
74 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Scouser walking down the street... 10/21/2005
A man was walking down a street in the centre of Manchester
and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady.
<br>
He immediately ran over to the and started to struggle
in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got
his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until
it was dead.
<br>
A passing reporter commented: that was fucking fantastic
how you saved that ...
0 Comments,
78 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Football joke... 10/21/2005
Q/ Why did Gerard Houllier go to Argos?
<br>
<br>
A/ It's the only place he could pick up
Premier Points.
<br>
<br>
<br>
Oooh, harsh, eh?
0 Comments,
32 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
The Bob Hope fan club 10/21/2005
Bob Hope was on 'Surprise Surprise', and bragged
that despite his 97 years of age, he could still have sex
three times a night. After the show, Cilla said, "Bob,
if I'm not being too forward, I'd love to have sex
with an older man. Let's go back to my place."
So they go back to her place and have great sex.
<br>
Afterwards, Bob says, "If you think that was good,
let me sleep for a ...
0 Comments,
46 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
Tickets please... 10/21/2005
Three Americans and three scousers are
travelling by train. At the station, the three
Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three
scousers buy only a single ticket. "How are three
people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked
an American. "Watch" answers a scouser.
<br>
They all board the train. The Americans take their respective
seats but all three scousers cram into ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Liverpooool 10/21/2005
Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity
ward waiting for their partners to give birth.
<br>
The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations,
they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however
unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and
the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in
and identify their sons from any family ...
0 Comments,
67 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
I'm Chavin' It - Part Deux... 10/21/2005
Q/ What do you call a chavette in a white
tracksuit?
<br>
A/ The Bride
<br>
----------------------------
Q/ What do chavs use as protection during
sex?
<br>
A/ A bus shelter.
<br>
-----------------------------
<br>
Q/ What do you call a 13 year old chav
girl?
<br>
A/ Pregnant
------------------------------
...
0 Comments,
29 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Fancy a.... 10/21/2005
At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge Chav male, 6ft 5in
tall and 350lbs.
<br>
He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and
obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him.
<br>
After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage
to say something to the big Chavster.
<br>
Leaning over, he cups his huge ear "Do you want a blow
job?" ...
0 Comments,
108 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
I'm Chavin' It 10/21/2005
Q/ What do you call a chav in a filing
cabinet?
<br>
<br>
A/ Sorted
<br>
--------------------------
<br>
Q/ What do you call a chav in a box, with
a lock on it?
<br>
A/ Safe
<br>
---------------------------
0 Comments,
85 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
Chav's 10/21/2005
Q/Why are Chavs either round their mates or down the DSS?
<br>
A/ Becuase no Chav is Anti-social!!
0 Comments,
50 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Rotund Goth 10/21/2005
Q/ What do you call a fat goth?
<br>
A/ Vampire the Buffet Slayer
0 Comments,
43 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
G O T H 10/21/2005
Q/ How do you get a goth out of a tree?
<br>
A/ Cut the rope!...
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
An oldie, but a goodie!! lol
2 Comments,
69 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Little Johnny strikes again! 10/21/2005
Little Johnny's very stern father was taking the boy
for a walk. As they strolled through the neighborhood,
a honeybee landed on the sidewalk in front of them. Just
because he's Johnny, the boy crushed the honeybee
with a rock. Johnny's father scolded Johnny saying
"that was mean, and for being mean to the honeybee
you won't get any honey for the entire year."
As they continued ...
0 Comments,
73 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
Confucious also say... 10/21/2005
A woman's conscience does not really keep her from
doing anything wrong-it only keeps her from enjoying it.
0 Comments,
45 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Confucious say... 10/21/2005
Women who think they'll hate themselves in the morning
should learn to sleep until at least noon.
0 Comments,
49 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
A real gentleman wouldn't have said anything! 10/21/2005
A gorgeous red head stepped on the bus and discovering no
empty seats she asked an elderly gentleman for his, explaining
that she was pregnant. The man immediately stood and gave
the red head his seat. Looking at her he couldn't help
but say that she did not look pregnant.
"Well, " the red head said with a broad smile,
"it's only been about a half an hour."
0 Comments,
71 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
That little Johnny... 10/21/2005
The beautiful young teacher was worried about little Johnny.
She took him aside after class and asked "Johnny,
why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I just can't seem to concentrate, " answered
Johnny, "I think I'm in love."
"Oh really, " the teacher said, resisting
the urge to smile. "And with whom are you in love?"
"With you, " Johnny replied.
"Now ...
0 Comments,
84 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
The Way 10/20/2005
I was walking down the street the other day, when a woman
came up to me and said ( I have'nt had a bite to eat in a
week.) So I slapped her on her ass and told her to kneel and
beg me, and I might let her eat, but only after she worshiped
my body........lol how did you like my story? See I knew
I could get you to laugh. ....................Leather
0 Comments,
69 Views,
2 Votes
|
|
That'll teach her! 10/20/2005
"You creep! You monster! You pig!" screamed
the crying young woman, "I'm going back to my
mother!"
"Don't even bother, " replied the man,
"I'll just go back to my wife."
0 Comments,
123 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
What a part, until... 10/20/2005
Two sorority sisters were in an animated conversation
when the first sister asked, "How did you like the
bridge party the Sigma Delta Phi guys threw last night?"
"It was fine, " replied the second sister,
"until the campus police came and looked under the
bridge."
0 Comments,
214 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
That little Johnny... 10/20/2005
"Okay Johnny, " the elderly school teacher
asked the fifth grade student, "If you had twenty
dollars and you gave seven dollars to Samantha,
five dollars to Tracy and eight dollars
to Carol, what would you then have?"
Johnny smiled as he answered, "empty balls and a sore
dick!"
0 Comments,
116 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
Oh, that's what he meant... 10/20/2005
On the night of their wedding, the very pious man entered
the bed chamber to find his young bride laying naked on the
bed. "I expected you to be on your knees by the side
of the bed, " he said with a frown.
"If that's what you really want, " replied
the bride, "but it gives me hiccups."
0 Comments,
120 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
A good man... 10/20/2005
Before going to bed on his wedding night, the young minister
said to his bride, "Pardon me sweetheart, but I am
going to pray for guidance."
"Darling, " his wife replied, "I'll
take care of the guidance, you just pray for endurance."
0 Comments,
95 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
Oh what you should learn in college... 10/20/2005
Lecturing a class at a liberal women's college on the
anatomical structure of the erect male reproduction organ,
the frustrated professor proclaimed to the utterly stunned
women students, "I can't understand why you
girls cannot grasp this subject! After all, you have had
it pounded into you all semester!"
0 Comments,
71 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
Yet another politically incorrect blond joke. 10/19/2005
"His family was not at all happy about our engagement, "
complained the blond to her roommate, "as a matter
of fact, his wife was furious!"
0 Comments,
534 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Yeah, one of them kinda jokes... 10/19/2005
Two elderly farmers were walking slowly through a pasture.
One of the men stopped and said, " Right here is where
I got my very first piece of ass, and right directly over
yonder is where her momma stood." "Her Momma, " asked the startled companion,
"what the hell did she say?"
"Ba-a-a-a-a-a, " was the reply.
0 Comments,
67 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
I see in my crystal ball...a dummy! 10/19/2005
The gypsy woman looked up from her crystal ball at the male
customer seated before her. "I will answer any two
questions you ask me, " announced the gypsy woman,
"for fifty dollars."
"Isn't that kind of a high price?" Inquired
the man.
"It certainly is, " replied the gypsy, "now
what is your second question?"
0 Comments,
74 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Coffee does that to me too! 10/19/2005
An unclean, unshaven beggar approached a passerby and
asked, "Sir, could you spare $103.50 for a cup of coffee?"
"Huh, " replied the passerby, "Starbucks
coffee only costs three dollars and fifty cents."
"Yeah, I know, " replied the panhandler, "but
coffee always makes me horny, "
0 Comments,
97 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
A 's love for his father... 10/19/2005
With his last will and testament finished, the elderly
man in ICU told his only that all his money and property,
everything of value, a true fortune, would be his when the
end finally came.
"Papa, Papa, " whispered the sobbing ,
his voice choked with emotion, "I can never tell you
how grateful I am, how I am not worthy. Is there anything,
anything at all that I can do for you?" ...
0 Comments,
87 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
TAMPONS 10/12/2005
IF MEN NEEDED TAMPONS TAMPONS WOULD BE FREE- THERE WOULD
BE A HOLDER FOR THEM IN THE CONSOLE OF YOUR CAR- THERE WOULD
BE MONTHLY DAYS OFF FOR THEIR CYCLES!
1 Comments,
165 Views,
8 Votes
,0.47 Score
|
|
Speeding... 10/12/2005
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. An Illinois
State Trooper walked to her car window and flipped open
his ticket book.
<br>
She said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to
the State Troopers Ball."
<br>
He replied, "Ma'am, Illinois State Troopers
don't have balls."
<br>
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized ...
0 Comments,
204 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
|
|
Break Dancer 10/11/2005
What do you call a break dancer with no arms and no legs?
<br>
Clever Dick.......
0 Comments,
86 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
The Nudest Camp 10/11/2005
What is the most poupler man in the nudest camp?
<br>
The man who can hold two cups of coffee and ten donuts..........
0 Comments,
87 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Robert Downey Jr. 10/9/2005
robert Downey Jr. says, "I don't drink these
days. I'm allergic to alcohol and narcotics--I break
out in handcuffs."
0 Comments,
110 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
All in a Day's work 10/9/2005
Eddie and Tom work in a warehouse. Wanting some time off,
Eddie climbs up onto the rafters and hangs upside down from
his knees.
The boss comes in and asks, "What do you think you're
doing?"
Eddie swings back and forth yelling, "I'm a lightbulb!
I'm a lightbulb!"
"I think you need some time off, " his boss says,
"Go home."
As Eddie turns to leave, Tom follows him. "Where do ...
0 Comments,
85 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
name changes 10/9/2005
Everyone is on this low-fat craze now. The Mayo Clinic just
changed its name to the Balsamic Vinaigrette Clinic.
0 Comments,
51 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
|
be careful what you pray for 10/9/2005
Desperate for a , a couple asked their priest to pray
for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome, "
he replied. "I'll light a candle in St. Peter's
for you." When he returned three years later, he found
the wife pregnant, tending two sets of twins. Elated, the
priest asked to speak to her husband and congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, " came the harried
reply, "to blow out that ...
0 Comments,
134 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
couch trip 10/9/2005
A french poodle and a collie were walking down the street.
The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My
life is such a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having
an affair with a German shepard, and I'm as nervous
as a cat."
"Why don't you go see a psychiatrist? asked the
collie.
"I can't" said the poodle. "I'm
not allowed on the couch."
0 Comments,
82 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
oral 10/8/2005
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where
he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad
it is.
0 Comments,
99 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
|
|
faking 10/8/2005
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships.
0 Comments,
94 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
medical crisis 10/8/2005
Theres a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that
many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling. So whats the problem?
0 Comments,
81 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Sssssomething Sssssilly 10/8/2005
A baby snake goes upto his momma and asks,
"Mommy snake, are we poisonous snakes?"
"Why darling?"
"I've just bit my tongue!"
0 Comments,
159 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Religion on Shit...... 10/8/2005
05:27 06/10/05
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
...
2 Comments,
144 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
|
|
Dubya 10/6/2005
Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing
on the Iraq war.
He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, three Brazilian
soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's
terrible!"
<br>
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously
watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, " Exactly
how ...
0 Comments,
145 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
|
|
The Love Boat 10/5/2005
The beautiful young woman passenger approached the Ship's
Purser. "Can you possibly tell me where the Captain
is?"
"The Captain is forward ma'am." He answered.
"Tha's quite all right, " she said, "This
is a pleasure cruise, isn't it?"
0 Comments,
116 Views,
6 Votes
,0.52 Score
|
|
TEN-HUTTTT 10/5/2005
"I guess, " growled the tough Drill Sergeant
to the private, "that when you're Honorably
Discharged from the Army you'll wait for the day I die
so you can piss on my grave!"
"Negative Sergeant, " replied the soldier,
"when I get out of the Army I never want to stand in line
again!"
0 Comments,
107 Views,
6 Votes
,0.80 Score
|
|
Could be little Johnny! 10/5/2005
An elderly woman stood, shocked, watching a small boy leaning
up against a lamp post smoking a Marlboro and drink from
a fifth of Jack Daniels. The woman could not hold herself
back and walked up to the and demanded "Why aren't
you in School this time of day?"
"School? Hell Lady, " said the lad, taking
another belt of booze, "I'm only four years old."
0 Comments,
122 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
|
|
A really, really bad joke! 10/4/2005
Question: What is Smoreplay?
<br>
Answer: It's what Smurfs do before they smuck!
0 Comments,
71 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
A politically incorrect dumb blond joke! 10/4/2005
The blond complained to her Physician about the birth control
pills he had given her.
"What's the problem, " asked the Doctor.
"They can't be the right size doctor, "
she replied, "they keep falling out."
0 Comments,
123 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
You got to pay your dues... 10/4/2005
"Okay ma'am, " announced the bill collector,
"how about the next installment on that couch?"
The woman shrugged her shoulders and replied "Better
than having to give you the money I guess."
0 Comments,
124 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
|
What a good ! 10/4/2005
I know a young guy who scrimped and saved for years to buy
his mother a house, only to find out the Police Department
wouldn't let her run it!
0 Comments,
103 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
How come my shrink isn't like that? 10/4/2005
The last day of the psychiatrist's convention, one
of the doctors there noticed at the closing of his lecture
that an attractive woman psychiatrist was being groped
and pawed by the man sitting next to her.
"Is that young man bother you?" The lecturer
asked.
"Why should I be bothered?" She answered, "It's
his problem."
0 Comments,
94 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
Now that's persistent! 10/4/2005
I know a young guy that was such a persistent suitor. He spent
so much money on a beautiful young woman over a two year period
that he married her for his money!
0 Comments,
84 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Lawyers... 10/3/2005
The stockbroker flew into a rage and angrily demanded "Who
told you that just because I've kissed you a few times
you could loaf around the office and neglect your work?"
His pretty personal assistant replied "The Company
Attorney."
0 Comments,
77 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
|
|
Could this be called a shot in the dark? 10/3/2005
The human cannon ball wanted to retire from his job with
the carnival. "You just can't quit, "
protested the carnival owner, "Where else can I find
a man of your caliber?"
0 Comments,
89 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Makes perfect sense to me. 10/3/2005
A gorgeous professional girl we know gets a grand and glorious
feeling whenever a man has sex with her-but she always gets
the grand first!
0 Comments,
60 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
That was obvious. 10/3/2005
Bill was taking his friend from out of town, Ben, for a walk
through he city. Ben said to Bill "Hey, check out that
good looking blond over there. She just smiled at us, do
you know her?"
"Oh yeah, Jayne-a hundred dollars."
"What about the brunette with her, she's really
built."
"Of course, Nancy-two hundred dollars."
"But look at that one, she's the finest of ...
0 Comments,
63 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
Help a guy out! 10/3/2005
Walking along a dark alley, a man was suddenly approached
by a stranger who had emerged from the shadows.
"Please sir, " asked the stranger, "would
you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who us
hungry and out of work? All I have in the world is this loaded
gun!"
0 Comments,
208 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
It pays to advertise! 10/2/2005
I saw this sign in a Pharmacy window not too long ago: FOR
THE MAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING-PENICILLIN.
0 Comments,
62 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score
|
|
Watch what you say and when you say it! 10/2/2005
The man was determined to win his girlfriend's heart
that night.
"I have loved you more than you will ever know..."
he began.
"So, I was right, " she screamed, slapping
him hard across the face, "you did take advantage
of me last Saturday when I was drunk!"
0 Comments,
84 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
OOOOOOKay! 10/2/2005
Mrs Johnson was in tears, "Oh Marcia, " she
sobbed to her maid, "I know my husband is having an
affair with his secretary."
"I just don't believe it, " Marcia snapped,
"You're just saying that to make me jealous."
0 Comments,
76 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Not a good thing! 10/2/2005
There was loud, violent pounding on the hotel room door,
startling the two lovers inside.
"Quick, it must be my husband, " proclaimed
the terrified woman. "Jump out the window!"
"But we're on the thirteenth floor!" Protested
the Don Juan.
"Jump, " screamed the woman, "this is
no time to be superstitious!"
0 Comments,
79 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
The very first dumb question. 10/2/2005
Adam and Eve were strolling through the Garden of Eden.
"Do you love me?" Eve asked.
Adam replied "who else?"
0 Comments,
86 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
More of Philosophy according to studentbdsm101. 10/1/2005
An optimist is a man who looks forward to marriage. A pessimist
is a married optimist.
0 Comments,
53 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
Think about it! 10/1/2005
I once knew a man who was engaged to a gorgeous contortionist-until
she broke it off!
0 Comments,
64 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
That should've been obvious! 10/1/2005
Jayne just couldn't understand why she was so popular.
"Is it my long wavy hair?" She asked her girlfriend.
"No."
"Is it my adorable figure?"
"No."
"My sparkling personality?"
"No."
"Then I give up."
"That's it!"
0 Comments,
104 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Another bit of philosophy according to studentbdsm101! 10/1/2005
A woman can be poor on history but great on dates!
0 Comments,
67 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Maybe he didn't understand what you meant! 10/1/2005
"I told my boyfriend I didn't want to see him anymore, "
said the woman to her friend over after work drinks.
"And what did he say?" asked the friend.
"Not a thing. He just pulled the covers over his head!"
0 Comments,
84 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
That's not very nice! 10/1/2005
"Not that I believe in reincarnation, " complained
the man to his prudish date, "but what were you before
you died?"
0 Comments,
78 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
A philosophy according to studentbdsm101! 10/1/2005
Probably one of the most expensive things in the world can
be a woman who is free for the evening.
0 Comments,
70 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
He shouldn't ask that question. 10/1/2005
The college professor called on the attractive young lady
in his theology class, "Who was the first man?"
"If it is all the same to you Professor, " replied
the young student, "I'd rather not tell."
0 Comments,
75 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
A mild little Johnny joke. 10/1/2005
The teacher asked Johnny to spell "straight"
and Johnny spelled the word correctly. "Now, "
asked Johnny's teacher, "what does it mean?"
Without hesitation, Johnny replied "without water."
0 Comments,
68 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
Could be little Johnny. 10/1/2005
"Give me a damned double whiskey, " the small
boy barked at the barmaind as he entered the bar.
"Do you want to get me in trouble?" Asked the
Barmaid.
The boy answered, "Maybe later, right now I just want
a drink.
0 Comments,
71 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Some people just won't let others have fun. 9/30/2005
Did you hear about the two honeymooners who wanted to fly
United, but the flight attendant wouldn't let them.
0 Comments,
316 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
It's obvious to me anyway. 9/30/2005
Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through
his stomach is setting her standards too high.
0 Comments,
59 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Well, if you look at it that way... 9/30/2005
"I was wondering, is it a sin to have sexual relations
before receiving communion?" the young woman asked
her clergyman.
"Only if you block the aisle, " replied the
Pastor.
0 Comments,
46 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
It's all in how you say it. 9/30/2005
"I love you terribly, " proclaimed the young
man.
"You certainly do, " his girlfirend agreed.
0 Comments,
63 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
It does make sense... 9/30/2005
An aging playboy friend of mine once told me that he listed
a man's life in three steps: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly,
Try Weakly.
0 Comments,
53 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Bitch is a bitch 9/30/2005
hmm...where do i start... My friend Mairita...Shees a
really fuckin bitch...In the school she slept with our
Leiter 5 times!!! I don't think, that she's an
engel....so, what should i do???write me...my e-mail
is ALT.com I'll wait...
2 Comments,
258 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Ed Zachary Disease 9/28/2005
A woman who hadn't had a date in quite awhile decided
to make an appointment to see Doctor, to see if there was
anything wrong with her.
Arriving at the Dr.s' office, she was shown into a cubicle
and told to undress by the nurse. "Dr. Wong will be
in in a moment"
When the Dr. arrived, she explained her situation. Listening
intently, the Dr. instructed her to get on her hands and
knees ...
0 Comments,
101 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Jesus Joke 9/24/2005
Jesus is walking around the streets of Bethlhem one day
when he spots a mob. He wanders over and asks a guy standing
on the fringe of the crowd what's going on. The guy points
to the weeping woman standing at the front of the crowd and
says "That woman has committed adultery and must
be stoned to death."
Jesus just can't tolerate this, so he runs up to the
front of the crowd and screams ...
3 Comments,
240 Views,
19 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
Makes sense to me. 9/23/2005
When the good looking male gynecologist requested his
new patient to undress, the gorgeous young woman began
to blush. "Haven't you ever been examined before?"
Asked the Doctor.
"Oh yes, lots of times, " she replied in a whisper,
"but never by a doctor."
0 Comments,
141 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
Ego problems? 9/23/2005
According to Judy, she was the most popular girl on the face
of the earth. "You know what, " Judy said, with
her usual lack of modesty, "a whole lot of men are going
to be miserable when I marry."
"Really, " replied her date, holding back
a yawn, "Just how many are you going to marry?"
0 Comments,
149 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
|
|
He should've seen that coming. 9/23/2005
One morning, after receiving a phone call from his wife,
the full of crap office manager strutted into the break
room, his chest puffed out like a rooster, and loudly announced,
"My wife is pregnant!"
After a brief silence, a meek voice from the back of the room
asked "and who do you suspect?"
0 Comments,
129 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
|
|
My work or yours? 9/23/2005
The Physician and his wife were out strolling when a gorgeous
woman in a tight fitting top and mini-skirt smiled and nodded
hello from a nearby doorway.
"Who is that?" inquired the wife.
"That is a young woman I know professionally, "
replied the Doc, his face turning red.
""I see, " said the wife, "your
profession or hers?"
0 Comments,
129 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
I believe it's probably true! 9/23/2005
I have a friend who works in a mental hospital. He told me
the resident psychiatrist gave his mental blocks for
his birthday!
0 Comments,
90 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
She did ask. 9/23/2005
A woman discovered her husband had a mistress, so she demanded
"Does this mean you have had enough of me?"
"Not at all darling, " the husband replied
coldly, "It means I haven't had enough of you!"
0 Comments,
139 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
|
Okay Doc. 9/23/2005
"I'm sorry, but I just can't find the cause
of your ailment, " the Physician said, "But,
I think it's probably due to drinking."
"If that's the case, " the patient replied,
"I'll come back when your sober."
0 Comments,
92 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Ask a silly question... 9/23/2005
"How come you come home half loaded?" Inquired
the sleepy wife of her semi-drunken husband.
He replied, logically, "I ran out of money!"
0 Comments,
103 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Well, she asked. 9/23/2005
"Sweetheart, " the beautiful young thing
whispered, "will you still love me after we're
married?"
"The man pondered the question for a minute and then
answered, "I believe so. I've always had a thing
for married women."
0 Comments,
93 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
A twist on a traditional disagreement. 9/23/2005
Two small boys were having the ususal arguement small boys
everywhere always have:
"My father is better than your father!"
"No he isn't."
"My brother is better than your brother!"
"No he isn't."
"My mother is better than your mother!"
There was a long pause.
"I guess you got me there. My father says the same thing."
0 Comments,
112 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
This joke will bug you. 9/22/2005
"NO!" screamed the lady millipede, crossing
her legs as the amorous male millipede made sexual advances,
"a thousand times no!"
1 Comments,
107 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
Oh yeah... 9/22/2005
"We just got married and we would like a suite."
said the newly wed man to the hotel clerk.
"Bridal?" asked the clerk.
"Oh no, " interjected the bride, "I'll
just hang on to his ears until I get used to it."
0 Comments,
186 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
I got to know. 9/22/2005
"I have to know one thing, " the groom said to
his beautiful bride as she lay beside him in the bed of their
honeymoon suite, "Am I the first man to sleep with
you?"
"You will be, darling, " replied the bride,
"once you doze off."
0 Comments,
127 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
That's a problem? 9/22/2005
"You know, the problem with Freddy, " Jayne
commented to her roomy, "is once he starts kissing
you he doesn't know where to stop."
"That's really odd, " replied the room
mate, "on my last date with him he found a great place
to stop."
0 Comments,
131 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
To each his own. 9/22/2005
Two rodents were hiding under a dressing table in the chorus
girls dressing room in one of the larger hotel night clubs
in Las Vegas.
"Golly gee, " proclaimed the first mouse,
"have you ever seen so many round asses and beautiful
legs in your life?"
"Sorry, they don't do a thing for me, "
answered the second, "I'm a titmouse."
0 Comments,
101 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
Should've asked if anything was stolen. 9/22/2005
A husband returned from a trip and was told by his wife that
a thief had entered their home while the husband was away.
"Did he get anything, " the husband asked anxiously.
"Well, yeah, " answered the woman, "it
was dark and I thought it was you."
1 Comments,
138 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
A little Johnny Joke 9/22/2005
"Why won't you smile Johnny?" The teacher
asked the youngster.
"I didn't get any breakfast." Replied
little Johnny.
"Oh you poor, poor , " said the sympathetic
teacher. "But, let's return to our Geography
lesson. Can you tell me where the Canadian border is Johnny?"
"In bed with my Mom-that's why I didn't get
any breakfast!"
0 Comments,
109 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
A clergyman with a dirty mind 9/21/2005
"I'm writing to my folks, " explained
the soldier to the chaplain, " and I don't know
if hard on is hyphenated or not."
", " choked the chaplain, "what on
earth are you telling your parents?"
"Just this, sir, " replied the G.I., "I'm
telling mom and dad we can finally attend services in the
field chapel-the one we all worked so hard on."
0 Comments,
99 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
He got what he wished for! 9/21/2005
A man found a strange bottle in a store. He purchased it and
took it home. He began to clean the bottle when, in a puff
of smoke, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three
wishes." The genie said, gigling out loud. This genie
had a sense of humor. "I want a billion dollars in gold."
Demanded the man. The genie pointed to the ocean and said
"your wish is granted, it's at the bottom ...
0 Comments,
99 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
You get what you wish for. 9/21/2005
A man walked into a bar. He sat at the counter and raised his
right hand. Suddenly all the beautiful women in the place
came to his side. He then reached into his pocket, produced
a handful of money and ordered the bartender to give drinks
to everyone. As the man got his drink, a foot tall creature
appeared from his jacket, jumped on the bar and began to
kick all the drinks over. When ...
0 Comments,
87 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
GFY 9/20/2005
One day, a little boy goes over to his grandparents house
and is sitting out on the poarch with his grandfather. Grandpa
is drinking a beer and the little boy asks if he can have a
sip.
<br>
"can your dick touch your asshole?" replies
the grandpa. He says no, so the grandpa says "well,
then you arent old enough yet to drink beer".
<br>
The little boy goes back to his ...
0 Comments,
123 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
Mistaken Identity! 9/20/2005
A man is at the supermarket when he notices that a rather
attractive blonde behind him has just raised her hand and
smiled hello to him.
<br>
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving
to him and although familiar, he can't place where
he might
<br>
know her from, so he says, "Sorry, do I know you?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I think you
...
0 Comments,
139 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
Always ask a professional man... 9/19/2005
"Doctor, " said the pretty young brunette,
"I have this overpowering compulsion to have sex
with every man I meet. Is there a name for whatever it is I've
got?"
"Yes, Miss Smith, there is, " answered the
Doctor as he lifted her up and carried her to the couch, "it's
called good news!"
0 Comments,
96 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
Oh those funny country folk...again 9/19/2005
A young sociologist was doing a in-depth study of conditions
and attitudes in Appalachia. He asked a local, "Sir,
what are your professional views on the increasing employment
of aphrodisiacs?"
"Wa-a-al, I'll tell yah, " ruminated
the man being questioned, " as long as they does their
job, I don't think it makes no never mind how they wears
their hair."
0 Comments,
125 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Hmmmmmm 9/19/2005
"Oww...My blind date last night turned out to be your
former boyfriend, " groaned the young woman to her
room mate, " and I now understand why you called him
the wild texas longhorn!"
0 Comments,
66 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Why 9/19/2005
Why did god give women a couple more brain cells than a Cow?
<br>
So they don't shit all over ya when ya rub thier tits
0 Comments,
363 Views,
3 Votes
|
|
Oh yeah... 9/18/2005
A shapely teenage blond walked into a local card shop. "Do
you have, like, any really special valentines?"
She asked the store keeper.
"We have a private line...here, " smiled the
salesman as he slipped it out from under the counter. "It
says, 'To the boy who got my cherry!'"
"WOW!" exclaimed the girl, "I'll
take a whole box."
0 Comments,
121 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
A true football coach! 9/18/2005
The meticulous football coach met a girl, fell in love and
got married right in the middle of the season. "Hey
coach, " inquired one of the players, "how
was the honeymoon."
"I don't know yet, " replied the coach,
"I haven't seen the films."
0 Comments,
79 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door 9/18/2005
An old man passed away and was sent to purgatory. Once there,
he ran into a friend his age who was accompanied by a lucious
red head. "I'm happy for you Bob, " said
the new arrival, "at least your getting a partial
reward in this place while you expiate your sins."
"She isn't my reward, " sighed Bob, "I'm
her punishment!"
0 Comments,
79 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
That's not what I call them! 9/17/2005
A friend of mine said that television censors are called
bleeping toms!
0 Comments,
71 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
Ouch, that really hurts! 9/17/2005
A wife phoned her husband who was busy playing poker at a
buddy's house and reminded her husband how late it
was and demanded he come home at once.
"But Martha, " explained the man, "I
can't quit now. Why, I've got a stack of quarters
as long as my pecker."
"William, " the wife replied, "you mean
all you've got left is two lousy bucks!"
0 Comments,
111 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Therapy helps everyone 9/17/2005
An overworked priest told a psychiatrist that he felt he
was about to have a nervous breakdown. "What you must
do, " said the doctor, "is to break completely
with your every day duties and life. Put on some jeans, and
spend some time in a strip bar."
With some misgivings, the priest followed the order. Inside
the club, he sat in the darkest corner until a passing waitress
did a ...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Church Goers 9/17/2005
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple
and a young
newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
<br>
The pastor says, "We have special requirements for
new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
<br>
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor
goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able
to abstain ...
0 Comments,
116 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Viagra 9/17/2005
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home
to get
ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone,
and says, "I'll be home in an hour." <br>
"Perfect, " she replies.
<br>
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told
him
to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and
waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready ...
0 Comments,
130 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
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Penis Study 9/17/2005
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine
why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The
study concluded that the reason the head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with
more pleasure during sex.
<br>
After the results were published, France decided to conduct
their ...
0 Comments,
110 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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If it makes it grow. 9/17/2005
Two young housewives, both advid gardeners, were discussing
botantical theories.
"Do you really believe, " asked one of the housewives,
"that talking affectionately to a plant can make
it grow bigger?"
"I certainly do, " replied the other housewife,
"In my experience, anything organic can be increased
in size by affectionate handling."
0 Comments,
88 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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I've heard that saying. 9/17/2005
"I believe in love at first sight, " confided
the youthful girl to her room mate, "the first time
I saw a hard one I just knew I'd love it!"
0 Comments,
53 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Such terrible grief! 9/17/2005
After the funeral, the bereaved man made his modest apartment
ring with lamentations. As a compassionate gesture, his
rich brother invited him to spend a few days in his fancy
townhouse. The next day, the brother came home to find his
widower brother making love to one of the female servants.
"Joshua!" cried the brother, " you're
doing this-with your wife not yet in cold in her grave?"
...
0 Comments,
85 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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A Hallmark Moment 9/16/2005
The young woman entered the greeting card shop a little
hesitantly. "Can I help you Miss?" asked a store
employee.
"Well, ah, yeah, " answered the girl, "do
you have any Father's Day cards that say 'To whom
it may concern'?"
0 Comments,
135 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Watch what you say! 9/16/2005
A doctor, who was late for a golf date was rather curt with
patients whose phone calls kept delaying him. The next
day his nurse said "Doctor, several people were upset
when you cut them short yesterday." At that point,
a man who had been sitting quietly within earshot in the
reception room got up and ran for the door.
"Who was that?" inquired the Doctor.
"A man named ...
0 Comments,
97 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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It's good to exercise with someone. 9/16/2005
Two fitness enthusiasts were discussing their respective
activities. "Different things happen, "
said one of the men. "For example, while I was jogging
through the park early yesterday morning I suddenly lost
my sweat pants and my shorts."
"Were they exceptionally loose?" inquired
the friend.
"No-but the girl I was jogging with turned out to be!"
0 Comments,
70 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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You don't have to be smart to play football. 9/16/2005
The giant tackle had viciously slammed the ball carrier
out of bounds directly in front of the visiting team's
bench. As the large man got to his feet, the opposing team's
coach, choked back a profanity and flipped him the bird.
"What did I tell you"" proclaimed the
tackle to his teammates as they ran to line up, "we're
still number one!"
0 Comments,
55 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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A matter of perspective. 9/11/2005
"Honey, " bragged the well poluted conventioneer,
"I'm gonna make love to you like you never had
it before." Half an hour later, his lady bed companion
removed a feather from a pillow and began to tap the conventioneer
on the head with it.
"Excuse me, " muttered the man, "what
the heck is that all about?"
"You see, comparatively speaking, mister lover
boy, " yawned the girl, ...
0 Comments,
153 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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Typical politician. 9/11/2005
"We seem to be having some trouble getting straight
answers from you Mr. Congressman, " scolded one
of the reporters at the press conference, "maybe
if you answered just one easy one, it might set a precedent.
So, tell us then, what is your favorite color?"
"Plaid, " answered the politician.
0 Comments,
70 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Wanna play house? 9/11/2005
"Sweetheatr you really must talk with Jayne if only
because she'll pay attention to you, " said
the wife and mother of Jayne, "I caught her playing
house with little Johnny next door."
"So?" replied the husband, "didn't
you play house when you were her age?"
"Yeah, of course-but I didn't demand 50 dollars
in play money!"
0 Comments,
123 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Did you really need to ask. 9/10/2005
The booth at the local carnival read "KISSES $1 to
$50." "Is the range in price a matter of duration, "
asked a prospective customer of the lady at the booth, "or
perhaps of lip pressure."
"No, " grinned the girl, "lip placement."
0 Comments,
78 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Well wasn't that obvious? 9/10/2005
A man who was about to be married told a friend that he was
planning to take only two days for the honeymoon due to his
being so busy with his business. "That's too
bad, " said the friend sympathetically, "You
won't have much time. How far did you plan to go?"
"Oh, " replied the groom to be, "all the
way naturally."
0 Comments,
116 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Jesus Joke 9/9/2005
Do you know what's white and shoots across the sky?
<br>
The second cumming of the Lord.
0 Comments,
103 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Jesus Joke 9/9/2005
Did you hear about the time Jesus walks into a hotel - slaps
three nails down on the counter and asks.....
<br>
"Can you put me up for the night?"
0 Comments,
73 Views,
4 Votes
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Rascist jokes - you may be offended 9/9/2005
True story - I was in Las Vegas from the upper midwest with
some buddies. A black guy notices our license plate saying
Minnesota, and says "Minnesota - you guys need some
HOES!"
<br>
One of my buddies looks at him and says, "Hoes? We're
here on vacation - we don't need to do no weed killing!"
<br>
Can you guess which one of us is the farmer? BTW - he was being ...
0 Comments,
114 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Rascist jokes - you may be offended 9/9/2005
Q: What's the difference between a black man and a Pizza?
<br>
A: A Pizza can feed a family of four
0 Comments,
115 Views,
8 Votes
,1.86 Score
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Rascist jokes - you may be offended 9/9/2005
Q: What do blacks and apples have in common?
<br>
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.
1 Comments,
75 Views,
4 Votes
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Why? 9/9/2005
Why is it that when I come home with a one legged, lesbian,
lactating, blind , I'm considered kinky?
<br>
Why is it that when I go through the check out line at the grocery
store with 10 cans of whipped cream and a few dozen condoms,
and mention that I'm having a family reunion, the clerk
looks at me funny?
<br>
Why is it that walking up to ladies and telling them they ...
0 Comments,
202 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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Love and Marriage! 9/9/2005
"No, I am not losing interest in our marriage sweetheart, "
said the husband, "I am simply making love slowly
to keep the ash from my cigarette from falling on the sheets."
0 Comments,
113 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Pay Day! 9/9/2005
"Will you please stop poking me with that thing!"
said the girl to the man who was standing behind her in the
subway car.
"But it's just my pay envelope, " replied
the man.
"Well, you must have some job then, That was your third
raise since we left Times Square."
0 Comments,
104 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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That explains it. 9/9/2005
Two police officers dropped an unconscious young man off
at the hospital emergency room. The nurse asked for a brief
explanation of what happened. "He and his girlfriend
were parked on lover's lane, " explained the
senior cop, "and the young woman claims he suddenly
began to fondle her breasts and she became upset."
"And what happened next?" Asked the stern nurse.
"She lost ...
0 Comments,
224 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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She probably could have guess that! 9/8/2005
There was once a young journalism school graduate who quit
her job when she found out that the house organ she'd
been hired to work on was attached to the editor.
0 Comments,
72 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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It's probably true. 9/8/2005
The doctor came home to find his basement flooded. He immediately
called the new plumber in the city. The plumber arrived,
found the problem and fixed it all in five minutes. He then
presented the doctor with a bill for $250.00.
"That is outrageous, " cried the doctor, "that's
three thousand dollars an hour! I'm a transplant surgeon
and I don't make that much money!"
"Yeah, ...
0 Comments,
90 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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