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StuddedSonu 52 M
88 Articles
Score 0.0
NEW BULL   12/22/2005

On one sunny afternoon in a farm there are three bulls - elder, middle-aged, and a young - talking to each other about a new bull moving-in to their farm. <br> "I'm here in this farm for more than 50 years now. And I earned my rights to have 50 cows during the years. I'm not sharing one of my cows with that new bull coming-in." grumbled by the elder bull. <br> "I've ...


0 Comments, 161 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
StuddedSonu 52 M
88 Articles
Score 0.0
Drinking Test   12/22/2005

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. <br> "I can't do that, officer." <br> "Why not?" <br> "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube." <br> "Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." <br> "Can't ...


0 Comments, 190 Views, 8 Votes ,5.80 Score
StuddedSonu 52 M
88 Articles
Score 0.0
Blond Cop   12/22/2005

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer (also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally ...


2 Comments, 226 Views, 17 Votes ,4.96 Score
HornyFortiesHunk 63 M
25 Articles
Score 0.0
The Prognosis   12/19/2005

Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. <br> Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Alma agreed ...


3 Comments, 329 Views, 11 Votes ,5.97 Score
nobodysbrat 51 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Pete & Suzanne   12/19/2005

Pete met Suzanne in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Suzanne invited Pete to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together. Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Suzanne began tenderly stroking ...


1 Comments, 259 Views, 14 Votes ,4.26 Score
nobodysbrat 51 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Fabric   12/19/2005

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty yet dominant woman asked, "I want to buy this material for a new corset and skirt. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine, " replied the women. "I'll take five yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped ...


1 Comments, 216 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
missle147 44 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Elephant toes   12/16/2005

This is one of those jokes that are so bad that they make people laugh. I use it at parties and it always breaks any ice. I'm sure some of you will hate it though. <br> <br> Why do elephants paint their toenails red? <br> <br> So they can hide in cherry trees. They're really good. I mean, have you ever seen an elephant in a ...


1 Comments, 199 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
Dominator06 41 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Sister in Law   12/15/2005

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. <br> My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. my girlfriend? She was a dream! <br> There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her irresistible younger sister. <br> My prospective sister-in-law was twenty ...


1 Comments, 398 Views, 18 Votes ,6.81 Score
nobodysbrat 51 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Ray & the Travel Agent   12/14/2005

Ray went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and reservations were very tight at that moment, but that he would see what he could do. <br> A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a three-day cruise. Ray was disappointed ...


0 Comments, 183 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
nobodysbrat 51 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Boots   12/14/2005

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife:''Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks him over, "Nope." Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the ...


0 Comments, 215 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
nobodysbrat 51 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Fisting anyone?   12/14/2005

3 women were sitting in a bar. The first woman said “my partner can stick his whole hand inside me.” The second woman said “my partner can stick his whole head inside me.” The third woman said “that’s nothing”...and she start sliding down the bar stool.


0 Comments, 392 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
nobodysbrat 51 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Dr. You wont laugh will you?   12/13/2005

"You won't laugh?" asked Fred. <br> "Of course I won't laugh, " the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." <br> "Okay then, " Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the size of a peanut. <br> Unable to control himself, the ...


0 Comments, 349 Views, 15 Votes ,4.66 Score
_IWantYou 68 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
If you only knew...   12/10/2005

According to a news report, a certain private school in Markham, ON, Canada, was recently faced with a unique problem. <br> A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. <br> That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. <br> ...


0 Comments, 360 Views, 21 Votes ,5.85 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
Score 0.0
Bus driver   12/10/2005

I used to be a long distance luxury bus driver. Once I did a private hire for a party of fetishists. They became a bit of a nuisance because they kept wanting me to stop the bus so that they could have a "whip round" for the driver!


0 Comments, 1043 Views, 7 Votes ,1.77 Score
enchanteddreams0 46 C
13 Articles
Score 0.0
Welcome to mc hell   12/9/2005

Welcome to Mc Hell! How may I torture you today? Ways to torture yourself and the customers while working at Mc Donald's <br> While working one morning at my fabulous job *smirk* with a new manager on duty, some one made the comment "welcome to Mc Hell". This got me to thinking; what could we do to make our jobs all that much more enjoyable? Hope you enjoy and think of this the next ...


1 Comments, 512 Views, 11 Votes ,2.05 Score
StuddedSonu 52 M
88 Articles
Score 0.0
Natures Law for MEN   12/8/2005

Nature has many laws that hold fast and true. <br> For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon. A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig. A baby jackass will always become a jackass. A puppy quickly matures into a dog; a mongrel pup develops into a cur. <br> Yet oddly enough, women say a young ...


0 Comments, 269 Views, 11 Votes ,2.05 Score
StuddedSonu 52 M
88 Articles
Score 0.0
Painting the House   12/8/2005

One March day my wife said that the house needed painting. "It's still winter, " I replied. "Forget it." <br> In April, she told me she had bought some exterior latex. I said that it was still too cold to paint. <br> In May, I heard her outside one day yelling for help, and we set up the ladder so she could start painting. Then I went inside to get a beer. As I sat in a ...


0 Comments, 241 Views, 8 Votes ,2.09 Score
StuddedSonu 52 M
88 Articles
Score 0.0
Nasty Poison   12/8/2005

A pissed off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along. <br> "What'll ya have?" he asked. <br> "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose, " she replied. <br> So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and ...


0 Comments, 320 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
Horsnround 63 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Who's the Boss?   12/6/2005

Little Adam and and his sister Chase were about to eat with the baby sitter when Adam said, "You can't sit in Daddy's chair!" <br> "Your daddy's not home, " the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while your parents are gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." <br> Chase, the younger one, quickly piped up, "Well if you're the boss, then you better sit ...


0 Comments, 459 Views, 15 Votes ,3.13 Score
websinful 68 C
2 Articles
Score 0.0
WOMAN AND TORNADOS   12/6/2005

Why is a woman and a tornado a lot alike? <br> Because the scream when there coming and take the house when there going!


0 Comments, 258 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
websinful 68 C
2 Articles
Score 0.0
smart blond   12/6/2005

A blond is driving by this wheat field way out in the country, when she see's this blond in a dingy trying row accross this wheat field. Furious, the blond gets out of her car and walks to the edge of the wheat field and screams " YOU KNOW IT'S BLONDS LIKE YOU WHO GIVE THE REST OF US BLONDS BAD NAMES, AND IF I COULD SWIM I WOULD KICK YOUR ASS!


0 Comments, 321 Views, 17 Votes ,3.27 Score
McSasquatch 48 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Tickle Me Elmo   12/2/2005

I'm sure you're all familiar with the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy Sesame Street character that laughs when you tickle it under the arm. <br> Anyway, a new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and he reports for his first day promptly at 8:00am. The next day at 8:45am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The foreman from the assembly line throws open the ...


0 Comments, 163 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
McSasquatch 48 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Quickie   12/2/2005

What did the 0 say to the 8 ? <br> Ooooh, nice belt


0 Comments, 236 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
speedfreek2773 50 C
1 Article
Score 0.0
junior   11/30/2005

One day mom was cleaning juniors room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was very upsetting for her. <br> She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. <br> She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?" <br> Dad looked at her and said, "Well ...


0 Comments, 311 Views, 21 Votes ,5.11 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Dick Tracy lives!   11/29/2005

Two private detectives were secretly watching a young woman through a bedroom window. The two detectives recognized the woman as their 's wife and she was having wild sex with a strange man. "This is what I suspected, " detective number one said, "Let's go in after him." "Terrific, " detective number two said, "How soon do you think he'll be finished."


0 Comments, 151 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
A very touching sign of respect.   11/29/2005

Four gentlemen were getting ready to tee off at the golf course. As they were preparing to start the first round, a funeral procession passed the golf course. One of the men turned toward the procession, took off his hat and put it over his heart. "Why did you do that Harry?" Asked one of the other golfers. Harry replied, "It's the least I could do for my wife."


0 Comments, 134 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Gotcha!   11/29/2005

There was a guy who, although married, liked to keep bachelor's hours and, at the same time, demanded complete fidelity of his wife. Every friday and saturday he would leave his wife at home with the . His goodbye for those nights was always the same: "Goodnight, mother of four!" Then, one night, she called after him, her tone light and cheery, "Goodnight, father of one." (He ...


0 Comments, 151 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Could be!   11/27/2005

"You've got the wrong number, " said the sleepy eyed man into the telephone receiver, "you're gonna have to call the weather report for that information." "Who was that?" The beautiful young wife asked. "Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear!"


0 Comments, 152 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Very true, if unpleasant for men!   11/27/2005

I have discovered that the most effective oral contraceptive is the word "NO!"


0 Comments, 160 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
What should've been an obvious answer!   11/27/2005

During a friendly talk at the church picnic a young man asked the elderly preacher "Is it really a sin to sleep with a girl?" "Not at all, " replied the man of the cloth, "but you youngsters don't sleep!"


0 Comments, 125 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
And who needs help?   11/27/2005

The young man pulled the car to the shoulder of the deserted road and stopped. He turned to his beautiful girl and asked "If I try to make love to you will you call for help?" "Only if you need it!" She replied.


0 Comments, 141 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
A smart student!   11/27/2005

The Vice-Principal of the elementary school stopped by the room of the new third grade teacher. This was her first day and he wanted to make sure she was adjusting adequately. "There is one problem, " she whipsered to the Vice-Principal, "the little tyke in the first row should be in the second grade but he's so smart I would really hate to send him back." "Now really, he can't be ...


0 Comments, 206 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
A lawyer Joke with a riddle for the ages.   11/25/2005

A high-priced lawyer, a reasonably-price lawyer and the Easter Bunny were playing cards one night. Suddenly, someone threw a bag of money in the center of the table. The lights went out momentarily and when they came back on the bag of money was missing. Who, of the three sitting at the table, took the money and an explanation of why that person took it. <br> The high-priced ...


0 Comments, 217 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
A zinger and a half!   11/25/2005

"Why oh why do you have to buy bras that cost so much, " said the angry husband as he looked over the credit card bill, "You don't have much to put in them!" "If we are going by those standards, " replied the wife, "then you haven't needed a new pair of underwear in decades!"


0 Comments, 134 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Always listen carefully.   11/25/2005

"Hey jerk-off, " complained the young woman to her boyfriend, "You promised to take me to Florida!" "I never promised you any such thing, " insisted her man friend, "All I said was 'I am going to tamper with you'!"


0 Comments, 135 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
I guess he thought he left her out!   11/25/2005

A young man entered a drug store and walked up to the counter currently tended by a prudish, elderly woman. "Could I please have three condoms, Miss?" He asked politely. The elderly clerk became snippy and retorted "Don't you 'Miss' me!" "Alright, " the young man said, "make it four then."


0 Comments, 127 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
A truth about our legal system.   11/25/2005

In case you didn't know it, a jury is a group of twelve people chosen to decide who has the better lawyer!


0 Comments, 113 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
petratv48 64 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Whisky   11/25/2005

Woman walks intoa bar, and asks bartender for 5 whiskies. <br> The bartender asks why so many? <br> Woman replies I've just given head for the first time (blowjob) <br> Bartender replies congratulations have the sixth one on the house. <br> Woman replies no thanks if five won't kill the taste I don't think extra one will either. <br> <br> ...


0 Comments, 196 Views, 12 Votes ,2.27 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Hook, line and sinker!   11/22/2005

"Honey, " the wife said sweetly to her husband at the breakfast table, "do you remember the bass you spent a weekend fishing for a couple of months ago?" "Yeah, of course, " muttered the husband putting down his newspaper. "One of them called to tell you you're going to be a father!"


0 Comments, 212 Views, 9 Votes ,4.92 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
He may have discovered an important clue.   11/22/2005

Did anyone ever hear about the guy who never worried about his wife's fidelity? He never worried about it until he moved from Baltimore to San Diego and found out he had the same postman!


0 Comments, 159 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
A true business man!   11/22/2005

Two very successful retauranteurs were talking business when one sadly announced, "I just found out my married is having an affair." "Oh really, " replied the other, "Who's catering it?"


0 Comments, 219 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
That'll teach him a lesson!   11/22/2005

The mild mannered Civil Servant returned from work early one day. When he entered, he found a topcoat, hat and umbrella, none of which belonged to him. He walked into the bedroom where he found his wife on the couch being made love to by a handsome man. The Civil Servant, crazy for revenge, picked up the umbrella and broke over his knee. As he threw the broken pieces of umbrella to the ...


0 Comments, 194 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Did he just prove her point?   11/22/2005

A business man returned home from a trip to find his wife in bed fornicating with a handsome young man. "Just what the hell do you two think you're doing?" The husband asked indignantly. "What did I tell you?" The wife said to the man in bed with her, "didn't I tell you he was an idiot!"


0 Comments, 116 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Righteous Indignation!   11/21/2005

The hotel manager picked up the phone only to have a woman scream into his ear. "I'm in room 210, " the female guest raved, "and you should know that there is a man walking around his room, just across the way, completely naked and his drapes aren't drawn and, well, I'm just totally shocked by the management of this hotel!" "Ma'am, " the manager replied, "I'll have Security come up ...


0 Comments, 132 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
It's all in how you phrase the question!   11/21/2005

"I take the next turn, don't I?" The driver of the automobile asked. The muffled, female voice from the back seat replied, "Like hell you do!"


0 Comments, 114 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
A lady too smart to fall for the old routine!   11/21/2005

The pickup truck coasted to a stop by the edge of the road. "We're out of gas, " said the young man, smiling wickedly. "Yeah, I though you just might be, " the girl replied, pulling a flask from her purse. "Yeah baby, " the young man exclaimed, "what have you got? Vodka? Gin? Whiskey?" The girl smiled wide. "89 octane unleaded!"


0 Comments, 133 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
A slight variation on an old routine!   11/21/2005

George's Ford Mustang coasted to a stop at the edge of the road. "Please don't tell me you're going to pull that worn out routine of 'we're out of gas' are you." Said his date. "Not a chance, " George replied, "I use the 'here after' routine." "What is the 'here after' routine? Asked the young woman. "If you're not here after what I'm here after then you're going ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Uh-uh.   11/21/2005

A young man was trying to pick up a lovely young lass in a bar. "First, I'm gonna but you some drinks and get you a buzz going, " said the young man. "No you won't" replied the woman. "Next, I'm gonna take you to a fancy restaurant, get you a great meal and buy you some more drinks." "No you won't." "Then, we're gonna go to my place and I'm gonna give you some ...


0 Comments, 155 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
The WORST BDSM joke of all time!   11/21/2005

QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road? <br> ANSWER: Because she was a masochist and wanted to get run over. <br> (I warned you)


0 Comments, 303 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Is he really listening?   11/21/2005

After an entire evening of warding off the sexual advances of her blind date, the young woman finally put her foot down and said, with great indignation, "Look buddy, this is the absolute last time I'm going to tell you NO!" "Terrific, " exclaimed the young man, "now we're getting somewhere!"


0 Comments, 101 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Reflections on life past...   11/21/2005

An elderly gentleman considered his past and reflected, "If I had my life to live all over again, I'd make the same mistakes-only I'd make them sooner!"


0 Comments, 80 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Sage advice!   11/21/2005

A very wise old man once told me "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today-because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow!


0 Comments, 103 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
That would be one way to handle the situation.   11/21/2005

I know a guy who has read so much about the horrible effects of smoking that he has decided to give up reading!


0 Comments, 76 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Really bad joke of the day!   11/18/2005

The experts of zoology at Yale, after many years of research, have shown definitively why mice have small balls: Apparently, not many of them know how to dance!


0 Comments, 145 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
A question for the ages.   11/18/2005

Being that basketball players are all so tall, do you suppose their girlfriends have to go up on them?


0 Comments, 87 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
How romantic.   11/18/2005

The young woman asked her doctor to perform a rather unusual procedure and that was to remove a large chunk of purple wax from her belly button. Looking up from the procedure, the doctor inquired, "Just how did this happen?" "Yeah, well doc it's like this, "the woman replied, "my boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight."


0 Comments, 126 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Wonders of pharmacology!   11/18/2005

A brand new and highly effective erectile disfunction pill for men is now on the market. One side effect is that if you swallow it too slowly, you get a stiff neck!


0 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Corny joke of the day.   11/18/2005

A beautiful young girl stolled along the beach in her brief bikini. She stopped in front of a couple of young surfers and struck a pose. The beauty asked the boys, "Do you like bathing beauties?" The least intelligent of the two surfers replied, "I don't know, I never bathed one."


0 Comments, 98 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
The sounds of love?   11/17/2005

The young couple parked in a dark area at lover's lane. The pretty young woman whispered romantically, "Isn't it lovely here tonight-and listen to those crickets." "Those aren't crickets, " her young man replied, "they're zippers!"


0 Comments, 105 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
This is not really true...is it?   11/17/2005

The woman came storming into her apartment after her blind date and complained to her roomy, "What a character, I had to slap his face four times tonight!" "What did he do?" Asked the roommate. "Not a thing, " mumbled the girl, "I had to see if he was awake!"


0 Comments, 118 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
ALLLLLLrighty then!   11/17/2005

"What, " the beautiful young woman asked her date, "is hotblooded, passionate, daring, submissive and hums?" The young man thought for a few moments, shrugged his shoulders and replied "I don't know." The gorgeous woman smiled and replied "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm..."


0 Comments, 105 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
It's in the phrase...again.   11/17/2005

All he had asked for was a goodnight kiss, but his date rebuffed him by saying, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date." "Okay, well then, " the young man replied, "how about on your last?"


0 Comments, 61 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Does this situation sound familiar to anybody?   11/16/2005

The wedded couple were attending their first session with a marriage counselor when the wife barked at her husband, "That's a lie-I do enjoy sex!" Then she turned to the counselor and added, "but this sex fiend expects it two or three times a year!"


0 Comments, 288 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Suspicious minds   11/16/2005

"My wife is the most suspicious person in the world, " complained the harried husband to his sympathetic friend, "If I come home early, she thinks I'm after something and if I come home late she thinks I've already had it!"


0 Comments, 65 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Think about it!   11/16/2005

"I'm always worried when your away on a business trip, " said the traveling salesman's young, beautiful wife. "Don't worry about me baby, " he replied comfortingly, "I'll be back before you know it." "I know, " she said, "That's what worries me."


0 Comments, 66 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
Talk about lousy timing!   11/16/2005

George and Phil, both expectant fathers, were pacing the floor of the waiting room of the maternity floor of the hospital. "Of all the rotten luck, " protested George, "This naturally had to happen during my vacation!" "You think you got problems?" Grumbled Phil, "I'm on my honeymoon!"


0 Comments, 70 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
Score 0.0
It's all in the meaning.   11/16/2005

The date for the marriage was set for July and the good Christian bride-to-be cuddled with her husband-to-be and said, "sweetheart, I want to make love before we get married." "It's not long until July my darling, " the man replied. "Oh, " she exclaimed, "and just how long will it be then."


0 Comments, 106 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Always do what mom says!   11/15/2005

"My mommy, " said the beautiful young woman to her handsome date, "says there are some things a girl should not do before twenty." "Your mom is right, " replied the handsome young man, "I don't like a large audience either."


0 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Always be careful how you say things!   11/15/2005

The nice young man approached the older, snooty woman on the dance floor. "I am sorry, " she said in a superior tone, "But I couldn't possibly dance with a !" "Oh I am sorry, " said the nice young man, "I didn't know your condition."


0 Comments, 163 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Is this a lawyer joke or a politically incorrect dumb blond joke?   11/15/2005

The high-priced lawyer (is there any other kind?) was in his office when his receptionist said a new had arrived. The new turned out to be a beautiful blond and a very sexy mother of a little boy. "I want a divorce from my husband, " the blond announced. "And for what grounds?" Asked the attorney. "Infidelity, " replied the beautiful blond, "I don't believe my husband ...


0 Comments, 105 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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He should've been sure in the first place.   11/15/2005

After being married for just over a year to one of a set of gorgeous identical twins, the young man found himself in court seeking a divorce. "It's like this your honor, my wife's sister visits us a whole lot and sometimes I'd come home and make love to her by mistake." "But surely there must be some difference between the two women." The Judge said. "You bet there is, " ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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You gotta hate it when that happens!   11/15/2005

One sad drunk was crying in beer, telling his bar buddy his sad story. "I had everything a man could possibly want, " said the sobbing drunk, "Money, a terrific home, the love of a beautiful and rich woman. Then, boom, one morning my wife walked in!"


0 Comments, 85 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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This one is a real groaner...   11/14/2005

NASA is about to enter the next phase of space exploration. They are planning on putting five hundred head of cattle into orbit around the earth. It'll be the herd shot round the world!


0 Comments, 72 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A little bit of philosophy.   11/14/2005

A man who likes to lie in bed will usually find a woman willing to listen!


0 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Good morning class.   11/14/2005

At the beginning of the first class of the day, the professor told his students, "I find the best way to start the day is to exercise for fifteen minutes, take in deep breaths of fresh air and then finish with a long, warm shower. Then I feel rosy all over." The sleepy voice of a freshman from the back of the classroom said, "Tell us more about Rosy."


0 Comments, 132 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A political joke that rings true!   11/14/2005

None of us should be surprised to learn that Democrats have more than Republicans. I mean, have you ever heard of anyone getting a good piece of elephant?


0 Comments, 76 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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It's the truth!   11/14/2005

A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping circulation!


0 Comments, 81 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
like2lik14 52 M
5 Articles
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The penguin and the mechanic   11/12/2005

A Penguin was driving along in his car when it starts spluttering and smoke start belowing out of the exsaust. The Penguin pulls into a garage and the mechanic says leave the car with me and come back in an hour. So the penguin waddles off down the street, see's an icecream parlour and goes in to buy an icecream. Now because the Penguin hasn't got any hands it takes him nearly an hour to ...


0 Comments, 132 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
texashyenas 61 C
3 Articles
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Rocky   11/12/2005

Rocky, a mafia wise-guy, just had gotten paid a plentiful sum of money. He decided to improve his image and have a swell night-out impressing the ladies. So he went and purchased a custom tailored Armani suite, a Forzieri shirt, and a pair of $500 Gucci shoes. After being well suited for his night on the town, he started out at his favorite night club; where he new the ladies were hot and ...


0 Comments, 129 Views, 8 Votes ,0.23 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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That's why only the bride gets a shower!   11/11/2005

The main reason no one ever gives the groom a shower is that everyone figures he's all washed up anyway!


0 Comments, 94 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Be careful how you phrase your comments...   11/11/2005

"Oh baby, give me a kiss, " the young man commanded his beautiful date. "You'll have to make me, " came her teasing reply. "Not so fast, " the young man protested, "All I want now is a kiss!"


0 Comments, 126 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Fool proof birth control   11/11/2005

I have discovered that the most fool proof method of birth control is the common aspirin tablet. The woman simply holds it firmly between her knees!


0 Comments, 77 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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This is a little Johnny Joke when he was very little!   11/11/2005

Little Johnny came home after his first day of 1st Grade. He walked up to his mom and dad and asked "What is sex?" After the parents got over being embarrassed, they explained the birds and bees to little Johnny. Looking confused, Johnny pulled a questionnaire from his pocket and asked "How am I going to put all that stuff in this little space marked 'Sex'?"


0 Comments, 88 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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What comes from the mouth of ...   11/11/2005

At Sunday school, the teacher asked her class of tikes if they could name the ten commandments. One little five year old boy stood up and proudly proclaimed, "Thou shalt not omit adultery!"


0 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
like2lik14 52 M
5 Articles
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The Woman and the Panda   11/10/2005

A Woman picks up a Panda in a bar and takes him back to her place. She takes off her clothes and is now spreadeagle on the bed. The Panda goes down on her, fucks her then heads for the front door. the Woman asks "where are you going" and he replies "i'm a Panda, look it up in the dictionary. PANDA:- EATS SHOOTS AND LEAVES".


0 Comments, 162 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Be careful what you suggest...   11/10/2005

"I've got a terrific idea honey, " proclaimed the beautiful wife to her husband, "let's go out tonight and have some real fun!" "Sounds great darling, " replied the husband, "If you get home first, leave the hallway light on for me."


0 Comments, 96 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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I would have never thought that!   11/10/2005

Some husbands are so interested in their wive's continued happiness that they hire private detectives to find out the reason for it!


0 Comments, 94 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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The philosophy of someone!   11/10/2005

A man is incomplete until he is married-then he is really finished!


0 Comments, 108 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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What a thing for a boss to ask!   11/10/2005

After his two week vacation had ended, George asked his boss for two more weeks off so he could get married. "I just gave you two weeks vacation, " said the enraged boss, "why didn't you get married then?" "What, are you kidding, " exclaimed George, "and ruin my vacation!"


0 Comments, 114 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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You're only as old as you feel!   11/10/2005

While interviewing the sixty eight year old champion rodeo rider from Houston Texas, the newspaper reporter remarked, "You are really an extraordinary man, I mean, a rodeo champion at your age." "Hell, taint nothin'" replied the old cowpoke, "I ain't nearly half the man my Pappy is. He just now got himself a contract to play linebacker for a pro football team and he's eighty nine ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Makes sense to me!   11/9/2005

I have just been told about two nudists who decided to stop dating because they both felt they had been seeing too much of each other.


0 Comments, 62 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Okay then...   11/9/2005

The morning after a drunken orgy, the great god of war awoke. He stretched and yawned and noticed a beautiful Valkyrie standing near a window. "Greetings beautiful one, " he said, "I'm Thor!" "You're Thor?" The Valkyrie replied, "I'm tho thor it hurth to thit down!"


0 Comments, 67 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Yummy!   11/9/2005

Two cannibals were talking over dinner. The first cannibal said, "You know, I just can't stand my mother-in-law." "Forget about her then, " replied the second, "just eat the rice."


0 Comments, 96 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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An observation.   11/9/2005

If you want to avoid a hangover, just keep drinking!


0 Comments, 76 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Good idea!   11/9/2005

Two drunks were in a bar at closing time. "I've got a great idea, " said one of the drunks, "lets have one more drink and then go get laid." "No man, " replied the second drunk, "I've got more than I can handle at home." "Great, " said the first drunk, "lets have one more drink and then go up to your place."


0 Comments, 90 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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That explains a lot.   11/8/2005

The new employee at the zoo went to the experienced zookeeper and asked "how do porcupines have sex?" The old zookeeper replied, "carefully, very carefully."


0 Comments, 66 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Ask a stupid question...   11/8/2005

"How is it I find you sleeping with my , " screamed the father in rage, "I ask you you of a bitch, how is it?" "Well, it's just great sir, " answered the young man calmly, "just great."


0 Comments, 98 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Even in another part of the world...   11/8/2005

I was recently told about a Japanese in Toyko who went broke because no one had a yen for her.


0 Comments, 55 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Celebrate good times!!!!   11/8/2005

A young man enters a bar and asks the bartender for two fingers of scotch. The barkeep pours the drink and the young man downs it in one swallow. "Let me have another please." Said the young man. The bartender again pours the two fingers of booze and the young man downs it again in a single swallow. "Another please, " said the young man. "Don't you think you better slow down young ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Can you help a gal out...   11/8/2005

Bernice and Vanessa, two professional "Ladies of the Evening" were talking. Bernice had recently been in a car accident. Bernice asked Vanessa, "Can you loan me a hundred bucks, just until I can get back on my back"


4 Comments, 266 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
SuperMandingo 39 M
10 Articles
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Fun puns   11/7/2005

We are beings of pleasure. Yet, we live in a sex-and-pleasure- negative culture. Most of us are very fragmented and wounded around sexuality. We often have a very limited experience which leaves us feeling deeply unsatisfied. We know that there has to be more to sex and we want more. <br> Sacredness is not used here in any conventional religious sense. It refers to natural ...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 1 Votes
hotboxinchains 41 F
7 Articles
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Dumb slave-girl joke #7   11/7/2005

A Mistress takes Her slave girl to her first bondage convention. In their hotel room, they unpack their suitcases and dress in their finest fetish wear, lacing each other's corsets very tightly. <br> <br> The slave has been ordered to make a grand entrance when finished dressing and is thrilled at the prospect. The Mistress saunters down to the convention hall to ...


0 Comments, 136 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
hotboxinchains 41 F
7 Articles
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Dumb slave-girl joke #6   11/7/2005

Question: <br> Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb slave girl, and a smart slave girl are walking down the street and see a $20 bill laying on the ground. Who picks it up? <br> <br> Answer: <br> The dumb slave girl, because theres no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart slave girl.


0 Comments, 88 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
hotboxinchains 41 F
7 Articles
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Dumb slave-girl joke #5   11/7/2005

Two slave girls are walking in the woods when one looks down and asks, " Look, is that poop?" <br> <br> The other bends down and smells it, "Smells like poop." <br> <br> They both stick there fingers in it, "feels like poop." <br> <br> They taste it, "Tastes like poop." <br> <br> One girl says to the other, "Sure glad we ...


0 Comments, 95 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
hotboxinchains 41 F
7 Articles
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Slave-girl joke #4   11/7/2005

Question: <br> What is the difference between a slave girl and a bowling ball? <br> <br> <br> Answer: <br> You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.


0 Comments, 101 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
hotboxinchains 41 F
7 Articles
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stupid slav-girl joke #3   11/7/2005

A librarian, a construction worker, and a slave girl all died and went to heaven. God says that if they jump off this one cloud and said what they wanted to be in the next life, that He would grant their wish. <br> The librarian leaps off the cloud shouting "fox" and becomes a beautiful fox roaming a lush green forest. <br> The construction worker swan dives from the ...


0 Comments, 104 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
hotboxinchains 41 F
7 Articles
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Stupid slave-girl joke #2   11/7/2005

80, 000 slave girls meet in the Baltimore Ballpark at Camden Yards for a "Slav Grrls R Not Stewpid" Convention. <br> The elder slave leader announces over the loudspeakers, "We are all here today to prove to the world that sub girls are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A corseted and handcuffed slut gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage, ...


0 Comments, 114 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
hotboxinchains 41 F
7 Articles
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Dumb slave-girl joke #1   11/7/2005

This guy just started at his new job, working at a sex toy shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and asks "can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but finally agrees. <br> So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a pretty house wife in a flowered dress and sensible shoes comes in. She asks, "How much for ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
tony1985 38 M
3 Articles
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heaven   11/6/2005

joke written by steve martin. <br> What if you died, and you woke up, and you were in heaven. And there were lights and pearly gates. Wouldn't you feel stupid. "Oo no. This is what they were.. ahh. In college they said this was all bull-shit. Well i'll just go in now. What? You'v been keeping records on me. Oo I wasn't so bad. How many times did I take the lords name in vane? ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
cbrangle 51 C
4 Articles
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Little Johnny's Good Manners   11/6/2005

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks her male students the following question: <br> If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" <br> She first picked Michael and he said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would ...


0 Comments, 154 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
willingandable8 55 M
10 Articles
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adam and eve   11/5/2005

when god made adam he put him on earth and told him here is a new place check it out tell me what you think ill come back and ask you later, so 2 weeks go by god asks adam how he liked it.adam said its great but kind of lonely .so god created eve and left them together for 2 weeks and one day he came upon adam lying by a tree he asked adam how he liked his new friend.adam said oh it was ...


0 Comments, 147 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
like2lik14 52 M
5 Articles
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Little Red Riding Hood   11/5/2005

Little Red Riding Hood was skipping through the forest one day when she saw the Big Bad Wolf crouched behind a tree. She stops by the tree and says to Big Bad Wolf, "what big eyes you have". Big Bad Wolf replies "fuck off, cant you see i'm having a shit".


0 Comments, 99 Views, 3 Votes
like2lik14 52 M
5 Articles
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superman feeling horny   11/5/2005

Superman was flying over the rooftops one-day feeling rather horny, when he spots wonder woman naked and sunbathing. He thinks to himself 'I could swoop down there now give her one and fly off again before she even realises. So quick as a flash he swoops down gives her one and shoots off again. Wonder woman jumps up and says, What the fuck was that. I dont know but my ...


0 Comments, 127 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
clitikler 76 M
15 Articles
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A visit to the city   11/3/2005

An Amish family went to the city. They were amazed by almost everything they saw in the mall. The young boy and his father were especially amazed by the silver walls that opened and then slid shut again. The boy said "What is this father"? Having never seen an elevator before the father replied "I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is ". ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A little advice for the guys...   11/2/2005

This is a little piece of advice I was given years ago. When you find yourself exhausted, pooped out from too much fun, when wine women and song become too much for you. Give up the singing.


0 Comments, 151 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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This is probably a true story...   11/2/2005

The highly distraught woman patient cried to her psychiatrist, "I don't have any talent! I can't act! I can't sing! I can't dance! I can't tell a joke! I want to quit show business!" "Then, why don't you?" Inquired the doctor. "I can't, " she replied tearfully, "I'm a star!"


0 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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I say old chap...   11/2/2005

Two Englishmen were riding a train car out of Chicago when they struck up a conversation with an American. "I say, " asked the younger Englishman, "have you ever been to London?" "It was my home for two years, " replied the American, "I had some truly wonderful, if not wild, times in that old city." The elder Englishman was hard of hearing and he asked the younger "What ...


0 Comments, 97 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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So that's how you can tell if you can trust a woman!   11/2/2005

"If I learned anything about women, I've learned this, " said the experienced man to his drinking pal, "you can not trust a gal with brown eyes." "Oh jeez, I just realized, " said the slightly inebriated drinking buddy, "I've been married for three years and I don't know the color of my wife's eyes." He then slammed down his drink and headed for home to check his wife's eye color. ...


0 Comments, 105 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Define "uncouth."   11/2/2005

A young man had invited his fiancee to meet his parents over dinner and drinks at a very posh retaurant night club. After the young man's mom and dad departed, the woman wanted to know if she left a good impression on his folks. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, " the young man said, "but while you were in the powder room, my mom said she considered you to be, well, rather uncouth." "Did ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
ohioshow3 46 M
10 Articles
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lorana   11/1/2005

did you hear that lorana bobit got killed in a car crash yeah some dick cut her off


0 Comments, 138 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
GspoTounge69 51 M
1 Article
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cheating couple   10/30/2005

A man is diagnosed with a terminal condition and is given 1 day to live givin the advanced stage of his aillment. He snuggles into bed and confesses to his wife that he had had an affair once and only once a long time ago. She responded to this be telling him that she had also had cheated on him but 3 times. He was taken aback and asked for more details. "Well the first time, remember when ...


0 Comments, 219 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
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What the butler saw   10/29/2005

Her Ladyship goes into her butler's living quarters and says, "James, take my dress off for me!" "Very well your Ladyship." "James, take my suspenders and stockings off for me!" "Very well your ladyship." "James, take my bra and panties off for me!" "Very well your Ladyship." "James ...(sigh) .... don't wear them again!"


0 Comments, 134 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
tony1985 38 M
3 Articles
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beautifulness   10/26/2005

My best friend is married and his wife owes all of her prettyness and beautifullness to him. His wife picks cherrys for fun. One day his wife fell from the tree and rolled all the way down some hill. Her face was all tore up and brused and cut. But she didn't drop a single cherry. She had to do some skin graphting to repaire and replace the missing skin on her face. Her husband donated the ...


0 Comments, 160 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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What a zinger!   10/26/2005

There was a young wife whose grouchy husband had become neglectful. The woman decided to try one last time to awaken his sleeping interest with a little attempt to make him jealous. "Sweetheart, " she whispered one night, "the young, handsome doctor I saw today told me I had the most beautiful face, the most firm and round breasts and the longest, shapliest legs he had ever seen in ...


2 Comments, 190 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Well Mom...   10/26/2005

Kathy, her face streaked with tears, went to her mother. "Mommy, " she confessed, sobbing softly, "I'm pregnant." "Oh my poor Kathy, " Mom lamented, "who is the father?" "How should I know, " Kathy cried harder, "you never let me go steady!"


0 Comments, 310 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Oh yeah...   10/26/2005

"You know, the trouble with Gus, " Jayne complained to her roommate Janice, "is once he starts kissing you, he just never knows where to stop." "That's odd, " countered Janice, "the last time we went out he found a terrific place to stop!"


0 Comments, 175 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A woman who really cares...   10/26/2005

The beautiful super model looked very despondent, so the photographer inquired as to what the problem was. "Oh, it's my poor boyfriend, " she explained, "He was destroyed, wiped out by the stock market, he lost everything-all his money, you know." "You must feel terribly sorry for him, " observed the photographer. "Yes, yes I do, " replied the super model, "he'll miss me ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A has to make a living too!   10/26/2005

After spending the entire evening with the gorgeous young , the married businessman was shocked by the small amount of money she requested for her services. "It's really none of my business, " said the businessman, "but you're not really doing yourself justice and I can't understand how you manage to survive on fees as small as these." "Oh, it all works out pretty even, " the ...


0 Comments, 130 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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The question that may never be answered!   10/25/2005

A young lady tourist was visiting Scotland. She saw a man in the traditional kilt and her curiousity overcame her. She approached the older Scotish gentleman. "Excuse me for being blunt, " she said politely, "but is there anything worn under your kilt?" "Nay Lassie, " the Scot replied with a smile, "It's as fir as it ever was!"


0 Comments, 127 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Welcome to Camp Sunshine.   10/25/2005

"So, how did you like your first visit to a nudist camp?" One young bachelor asked his friend. "Yeah, " replied the buddy, "the first three days were the hardest!"


0 Comments, 120 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A star is born!   10/25/2005

"Do you really think I can become a star?" Cooed the beautiful young wannabe actress, as she cuddled closer to the producer. "I most certainly do, " answered the producer, "why, you're already starting to make it big!"


0 Comments, 102 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Always buy at Victoria's Secret!   10/25/2005

The lovely woman had just bought some lingerie at Victoria's Secret. An advertisement said that the company would be glad to embroider any special messages on any undergarments for no charge. The young woman asked the clerk "Can you embroider 'If you can read this you're too damn close'?" "Yes, certainll ma'am, " replied the clerk, "would you like that in script, italics or block ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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When riding an elevator, a girl should...   10/25/2005

The crowded elevator had just started to go up when a beautiful young woman screamed and cried out "I've been geesed!" "I think you mean 'goosed'" said an elderly male passenger. "Excuse me sir, but I do know how to count!" the groped woman replied.


0 Comments, 174 Views, 5 Votes ,0.86 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Okay...   10/24/2005

I have a friend who wanted to get something for his wife...unfortunately, no one would start the bidding.


0 Comments, 72 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Well he is trying...   10/24/2005

Samantha was very upset when she came home from her bridge club to catch her husband Charlie in bed with a midget. "Charlie you promised that you would never cheat on me again!" Samantha cried. "Charlie just shrugged his shoulders and said, "well, surely you can see, I am tapering off."


0 Comments, 74 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Never drink on an empty stomach!   10/24/2005

The two drunk pals were planted on their favorite bar stools in their favorite bar. "I think I'll get a bite to eat, " said the first intoxicated man. He downed his drink and then plucked the olive from the glass and ate it. "Well now, " said the inebriated bar buddy, "that calls for an after dinner drink!"


0 Comments, 92 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Say it with flowers...   10/24/2005

One day a young man, for no particular reason, decided to buy his girlfriend a dozen long stem roses. When he arrived at her apartment and gave her the flowers, she immediately took off all her clothes and fell to the floor with her legs wide open. "This is for the flowers, " she said sweetly. "Don't be silly, " said the young man, looking around the apartment, "you've gotta have ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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An easily understood misunderstanding   10/24/2005

"My wife's an absolute angel, " said the young man to the older man sitting next to him in the bar. "You are very lucky, " replied the obviously unhappy older man, "my wife's still alive!"


0 Comments, 68 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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The political commentary of the day.   10/24/2005

Personally, I think the biggest problem with political jokes is that they sometimes get elected!


0 Comments, 85 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A little play on words maybe...   10/24/2005

A muscular body builder was showing off one day at the beach. He was lifting two bikini wearing beauties into the air, one with each arm. "Look at that, " said a surfer to his pal, "check out the girls on that boob!"


0 Comments, 123 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A real groaner....   10/24/2005

Many people are not aware of the fact that I was the first person to be cloned. The duplicate looked like me, sounded like me, acted like me, was exactly like me except he couldn't open his mouth with uttering the most vile, obscene and vulgar language imaginable. My clone followed me everywhere, always cursing and swearing. Folks around began to think my foul mouthed clone was me. I ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Fly the friendly skies!   10/24/2005

With the airlines laying off so many workers, there was a flight attendant who decided to turn to . The only problem was she continued to greet her clientele with a cheery "Welcome aboard."


0 Comments, 100 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Order in the court!   10/24/2005

"The charge against you is a serious one, " declared the judge, "you are charged with assault and battery upon your husband. How do you plead?" "Not guilty, " said the beautiful young woman, "I only struck him because of the foul name he called me." "What, exactly, did he call you?" inquired the judge. "I don't know if I can, it's so terrible-he, he called me a two-bit ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Soapy547 48 M
30 Articles
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Freudian Slip...   10/21/2005

A patient says: “Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: “Could you please pass the butter.” <br> But instead I said: “You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life”.”


0 Comments, 151 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
Soapy547 48 M
30 Articles
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Alsatian and a post office...   10/21/2005

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” <br> The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: <br> “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” <br> “But, ” the replied, “that would make no sense at all.”


0 Comments, 88 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Doctor, Doctor ... prt 2   10/21/2005

A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. <br> 'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient. <br> The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'. <br> 'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?' <br> <br> The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.


0 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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The time will come...   10/21/2005

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. <br> Not screaming in terror like his passengers.


0 Comments, 156 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Dangerous City...   10/21/2005

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. <br> A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. <br> The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied <br> "I don't know, it all happened so fast."


0 Comments, 109 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Soapy547 48 M
30 Articles
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Doctor, Doctor...   10/21/2005

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. <br> She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Soapy547 48 M
30 Articles
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all aboard the 171 to Bermondsey...   10/21/2005

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. <br> The bus driver says: “wow, that's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” <br> The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That fucking driver just insulted me!” <br> The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Soapy547 48 M
30 Articles
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Going a huntin'   10/21/2005

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. <br> He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. <br> The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” <br> The operator, in a calm soothing voice ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Another economist joke...   10/21/2005

Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.


0 Comments, 53 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Go figure....   10/21/2005

Economists do it with models...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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F U C K - a definition of a glorious word!   10/21/2005

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". <br> It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. <br> In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. <br> It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary ...


1 Comments, 102 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Soapy547 48 M
30 Articles
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Don't metion the war....   10/21/2005

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English". <br> In the first year, ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Soapy547 48 M
30 Articles
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a Chav at theJobcentre   10/21/2005

A chav goes into the jobcentre and says to the guy at the desk "Aigh' mate, I wanna get a job coz me sick of dottin' on innit? Wha' ya got"? <br> "Well" replies the man "It's your lucky day because i've just had a job come in here for the position of a bodyguard to a rich businessman. He wants someone to look after his gorgeous, eighteen year old model , all expenses paid for, ...


0 Comments, 124 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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More footie jokes   10/21/2005

Q) What is the difference between a hedgehog and Old Trafford........ A) On a hedgehog all the pricks are on the outside !! <br> Q) What is the difference between David Beckham and God? A) God doesn't think he is David Beckham. <br> Q: How many Manchester Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to change the bulb, one to buy the "1997 lightbulb ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Soapy547 48 M
30 Articles
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virus alert   10/21/2005

The David Beckham virus - This affects newer computers mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on but nothing works. <br> The Roy Keane virus - Throws you out of Windows. <br> The Alex Ferguson virus - The computer develops a continuous whining noise and the on-screen clock runs a lot faster or slower than all the other computers in the building. ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes
Soapy547 48 M
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Hammers...   10/21/2005

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. <br> The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.


0 Comments, 49 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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scouse terror cell   10/21/2005

Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. <br> Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Thievin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. <br> The Police advise further that they can find ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Olympics 2012 - Liverpool's Bid   10/21/2005

Liverpool's Olympic Bid <br> Did you know that Liverpool had put a bid in for the Olympics? Here is a section of their bid that was leaked from the IOC... <br> OPENING CEREMONY The Olympic flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown into the arena by a native of the Toxteth area of the City, wearing the traditional costume of balaclava and shell suit. <br> THE ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Lets sing a song!...   10/21/2005

Sung to the tune of "You are my sunshine" <br> You are a scouser, An ugly scouser, You're only happy, on giro day, your mum's out thieving, your dad's drug-dealing, so please dont take, my hubcaps, away.


0 Comments, 74 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Scouser walking down the street...   10/21/2005

A man was walking down a street in the centre of Manchester and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady. <br> He immediately ran over to the and started to struggle in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead. <br> A passing reporter commented: that was fucking fantastic how you saved that ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Football joke...   10/21/2005

Q/ Why did Gerard Houllier go to Argos? <br> <br> A/ It's the only place he could pick up Premier Points. <br> <br> <br> Oooh, harsh, eh?


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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The Bob Hope fan club   10/21/2005

Bob Hope was on 'Surprise Surprise', and bragged that despite his 97 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. After the show, Cilla said, "Bob, if I'm not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place." So they go back to her place and have great sex. <br> Afterwards, Bob says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for a ...


0 Comments, 46 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Tickets please...   10/21/2005

Three Americans and three scousers are travelling by train. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three scousers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch" answers a scouser. <br> They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three scousers cram into ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 0 Votes
Soapy547 48 M
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Liverpooool   10/21/2005

Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. <br> The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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I'm Chavin' It - Part Deux...   10/21/2005

Q/ What do you call a chavette in a white tracksuit? <br> A/ The Bride <br> ---------------------------- Q/ What do chavs use as protection during sex? <br> A/ A bus shelter. <br> ----------------------------- <br> Q/ What do you call a 13 year old chav girl? <br> A/ Pregnant ------------------------------ ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes
Soapy547 48 M
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Fancy a....   10/21/2005

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge Chav male, 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. <br> He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. <br> After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Chavster. <br> Leaning over, he cups his huge ear "Do you want a blow job?" ...


0 Comments, 108 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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I'm Chavin' It   10/21/2005

Q/ What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? <br> <br> A/ Sorted <br> -------------------------- <br> Q/ What do you call a chav in a box, with a lock on it? <br> A/ Safe <br> ---------------------------


0 Comments, 85 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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Chav's   10/21/2005

Q/Why are Chavs either round their mates or down the DSS? <br> A/ Becuase no Chav is Anti-social!!


0 Comments, 50 Views, 0 Votes
Soapy547 48 M
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Rotund Goth   10/21/2005

Q/ What do you call a fat goth? <br> A/ Vampire the Buffet Slayer


0 Comments, 43 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Soapy547 48 M
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G O T H   10/21/2005

Q/ How do you get a goth out of a tree? <br> A/ Cut the rope!... <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> An oldie, but a goodie!! lol


2 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Little Johnny strikes again!   10/21/2005

Little Johnny's very stern father was taking the boy for a walk. As they strolled through the neighborhood, a honeybee landed on the sidewalk in front of them. Just because he's Johnny, the boy crushed the honeybee with a rock. Johnny's father scolded Johnny saying "that was mean, and for being mean to the honeybee you won't get any honey for the entire year." As they continued ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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Confucious also say...   10/21/2005

A woman's conscience does not really keep her from doing anything wrong-it only keeps her from enjoying it.


0 Comments, 45 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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Confucious say...   10/21/2005

Women who think they'll hate themselves in the morning should learn to sleep until at least noon.


0 Comments, 49 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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A real gentleman wouldn't have said anything!   10/21/2005

A gorgeous red head stepped on the bus and discovering no empty seats she asked an elderly gentleman for his, explaining that she was pregnant. The man immediately stood and gave the red head his seat. Looking at her he couldn't help but say that she did not look pregnant. "Well, " the red head said with a broad smile, "it's only been about a half an hour."


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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That little Johnny...   10/21/2005

The beautiful young teacher was worried about little Johnny. She took him aside after class and asked "Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I just can't seem to concentrate, " answered Johnny, "I think I'm in love." "Oh really, " the teacher said, resisting the urge to smile. "And with whom are you in love?" "With you, " Johnny replied. "Now ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Leather_Messiah 67 M
3 Articles
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The Way   10/20/2005

I was walking down the street the other day, when a woman came up to me and said ( I have'nt had a bite to eat in a week.) So I slapped her on her ass and told her to kneel and beg me, and I might let her eat, but only after she worshiped my body........lol how did you like my story? See I knew I could get you to laugh. ....................Leather


0 Comments, 69 Views, 2 Votes
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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That'll teach her!   10/20/2005

"You creep! You monster! You pig!" screamed the crying young woman, "I'm going back to my mother!" "Don't even bother, " replied the man, "I'll just go back to my wife."


0 Comments, 123 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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What a part, until...   10/20/2005

Two sorority sisters were in an animated conversation when the first sister asked, "How did you like the bridge party the Sigma Delta Phi guys threw last night?" "It was fine, " replied the second sister, "until the campus police came and looked under the bridge."


0 Comments, 214 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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That little Johnny...   10/20/2005

"Okay Johnny, " the elderly school teacher asked the fifth grade student, "If you had twenty dollars and you gave seven dollars to Samantha, five dollars to Tracy and eight dollars to Carol, what would you then have?" Johnny smiled as he answered, "empty balls and a sore dick!"


0 Comments, 116 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Oh, that's what he meant...   10/20/2005

On the night of their wedding, the very pious man entered the bed chamber to find his young bride laying naked on the bed. "I expected you to be on your knees by the side of the bed, " he said with a frown. "If that's what you really want, " replied the bride, "but it gives me hiccups."


0 Comments, 120 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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A good man...   10/20/2005

Before going to bed on his wedding night, the young minister said to his bride, "Pardon me sweetheart, but I am going to pray for guidance." "Darling, " his wife replied, "I'll take care of the guidance, you just pray for endurance."


0 Comments, 95 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Oh what you should learn in college...   10/20/2005

Lecturing a class at a liberal women's college on the anatomical structure of the erect male reproduction organ, the frustrated professor proclaimed to the utterly stunned women students, "I can't understand why you girls cannot grasp this subject! After all, you have had it pounded into you all semester!"


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Yet another politically incorrect blond joke.   10/19/2005

"His family was not at all happy about our engagement, " complained the blond to her roommate, "as a matter of fact, his wife was furious!"


0 Comments, 534 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Yeah, one of them kinda jokes...   10/19/2005

Two elderly farmers were walking slowly through a pasture. One of the men stopped and said, " Right here is where I got my very first piece of ass, and right directly over yonder is where her momma stood." "Her Momma, " asked the startled companion, "what the hell did she say?" "Ba-a-a-a-a-a, " was the reply.


0 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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I see in my crystal ball...a dummy!   10/19/2005

The gypsy woman looked up from her crystal ball at the male customer seated before her. "I will answer any two questions you ask me, " announced the gypsy woman, "for fifty dollars." "Isn't that kind of a high price?" Inquired the man. "It certainly is, " replied the gypsy, "now what is your second question?"


0 Comments, 74 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Coffee does that to me too!   10/19/2005

An unclean, unshaven beggar approached a passerby and asked, "Sir, could you spare $103.50 for a cup of coffee?" "Huh, " replied the passerby, "Starbucks coffee only costs three dollars and fifty cents." "Yeah, I know, " replied the panhandler, "but coffee always makes me horny, "


0 Comments, 97 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A 's love for his father...   10/19/2005

With his last will and testament finished, the elderly man in ICU told his only that all his money and property, everything of value, a true fortune, would be his when the end finally came. "Papa, Papa, " whispered the sobbing , his voice choked with emotion, "I can never tell you how grateful I am, how I am not worthy. Is there anything, anything at all that I can do for you?" ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
biswtchgrl 59 F
3 Articles
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TAMPONS   10/12/2005

IF MEN NEEDED TAMPONS TAMPONS WOULD BE FREE- THERE WOULD BE A HOLDER FOR THEM IN THE CONSOLE OF YOUR CAR- THERE WOULD BE MONTHLY DAYS OFF FOR THEIR CYCLES!


1 Comments, 165 Views, 8 Votes ,0.47 Score
MONKEYGIRL69 68 F
13 Articles
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Speeding...   10/12/2005

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. An Illinois State Trooper walked to her car window and flipped open his ticket book. <br> She said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball." <br> He replied, "Ma'am, Illinois State Troopers don't have balls." <br> There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized ...


0 Comments, 204 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
tiedandstuck 50 M
2 Articles
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Break Dancer   10/11/2005

What do you call a break dancer with no arms and no legs? <br> Clever Dick.......


0 Comments, 86 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
tiedandstuck 50 M
2 Articles
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The Nudest Camp   10/11/2005

What is the most poupler man in the nudest camp? <br> The man who can hold two cups of coffee and ten donuts..........


0 Comments, 87 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
MasterK1955 69 M
10 Articles
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Robert Downey Jr.   10/9/2005

robert Downey Jr. says, "I don't drink these days. I'm allergic to alcohol and narcotics--I break out in handcuffs."


0 Comments, 110 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
MasterK1955 69 M
10 Articles
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All in a Day's work   10/9/2005

Eddie and Tom work in a warehouse. Wanting some time off, Eddie climbs up onto the rafters and hangs upside down from his knees. The boss comes in and asks, "What do you think you're doing?" Eddie swings back and forth yelling, "I'm a lightbulb! I'm a lightbulb!" "I think you need some time off, " his boss says, "Go home." As Eddie turns to leave, Tom follows him. "Where do ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
MasterK1955 69 M
10 Articles
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name changes   10/9/2005

Everyone is on this low-fat craze now. The Mayo Clinic just changed its name to the Balsamic Vinaigrette Clinic.


0 Comments, 51 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
MasterK1955 69 M
10 Articles
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be careful what you pray for   10/9/2005

Desperate for a , a couple asked their priest to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome, " he replied. "I'll light a candle in St. Peter's for you." When he returned three years later, he found the wife pregnant, tending two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked to speak to her husband and congratulate him. "He's gone to Rome, " came the harried reply, "to blow out that ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
MasterK1955 69 M
10 Articles
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couch trip   10/9/2005

A french poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is such a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepard, and I'm as nervous as a cat." "Why don't you go see a psychiatrist? asked the collie. "I can't" said the poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch."


0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes
Texasmeetman 47 M
3 Articles
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oral   10/8/2005

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.


0 Comments, 99 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
Texasmeetman 47 M
3 Articles
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faking   10/8/2005

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.


0 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Texasmeetman 47 M
3 Articles
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medical crisis   10/8/2005

Theres a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So whats the problem?


0 Comments, 81 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
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Sssssomething Sssssilly   10/8/2005

A baby snake goes upto his momma and asks, "Mommy snake, are we poisonous snakes?" "Why darling?" "I've just bit my tongue!"


0 Comments, 159 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Lady_Gatta 58 F
55 Articles
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Religion on Shit......   10/8/2005

05:27 06/10/05 Taoism: Shit happens. Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens." Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not. Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism: This shit has happened before. Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible. ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
bindswat5 77 M
46 Articles
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Dubya   10/6/2005

Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing on the Iraq war. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed." "Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" <br> His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, " Exactly how ...


0 Comments, 145 Views, 10 Votes ,5.97 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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The Love Boat   10/5/2005

The beautiful young woman passenger approached the Ship's Purser. "Can you possibly tell me where the Captain is?" "The Captain is forward ma'am." He answered. "Tha's quite all right, " she said, "This is a pleasure cruise, isn't it?"


0 Comments, 116 Views, 6 Votes ,0.52 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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TEN-HUTTTT   10/5/2005

"I guess, " growled the tough Drill Sergeant to the private, "that when you're Honorably Discharged from the Army you'll wait for the day I die so you can piss on my grave!" "Negative Sergeant, " replied the soldier, "when I get out of the Army I never want to stand in line again!"


0 Comments, 107 Views, 6 Votes ,0.80 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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Could be little Johnny!   10/5/2005

An elderly woman stood, shocked, watching a small boy leaning up against a lamp post smoking a Marlboro and drink from a fifth of Jack Daniels. The woman could not hold herself back and walked up to the and demanded "Why aren't you in School this time of day?" "School? Hell Lady, " said the lad, taking another belt of booze, "I'm only four years old."


0 Comments, 122 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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A really, really bad joke!   10/4/2005

Question: What is Smoreplay? <br> Answer: It's what Smurfs do before they smuck!


0 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A politically incorrect dumb blond joke!   10/4/2005

The blond complained to her Physician about the birth control pills he had given her. "What's the problem, " asked the Doctor. "They can't be the right size doctor, " she replied, "they keep falling out."


0 Comments, 123 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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You got to pay your dues...   10/4/2005

"Okay ma'am, " announced the bill collector, "how about the next installment on that couch?" The woman shrugged her shoulders and replied "Better than having to give you the money I guess."


0 Comments, 124 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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What a good !   10/4/2005

I know a young guy who scrimped and saved for years to buy his mother a house, only to find out the Police Department wouldn't let her run it!


0 Comments, 103 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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How come my shrink isn't like that?   10/4/2005

The last day of the psychiatrist's convention, one of the doctors there noticed at the closing of his lecture that an attractive woman psychiatrist was being groped and pawed by the man sitting next to her. "Is that young man bother you?" The lecturer asked. "Why should I be bothered?" She answered, "It's his problem."


0 Comments, 94 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Now that's persistent!   10/4/2005

I know a young guy that was such a persistent suitor. He spent so much money on a beautiful young woman over a two year period that he married her for his money!


0 Comments, 84 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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Lawyers...   10/3/2005

The stockbroker flew into a rage and angrily demanded "Who told you that just because I've kissed you a few times you could loaf around the office and neglect your work?" His pretty personal assistant replied "The Company Attorney."


0 Comments, 77 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Could this be called a shot in the dark?   10/3/2005

The human cannon ball wanted to retire from his job with the carnival. "You just can't quit, " protested the carnival owner, "Where else can I find a man of your caliber?"


0 Comments, 89 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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Makes perfect sense to me.   10/3/2005

A gorgeous professional girl we know gets a grand and glorious feeling whenever a man has sex with her-but she always gets the grand first!


0 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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That was obvious.   10/3/2005

Bill was taking his friend from out of town, Ben, for a walk through he city. Ben said to Bill "Hey, check out that good looking blond over there. She just smiled at us, do you know her?" "Oh yeah, Jayne-a hundred dollars." "What about the brunette with her, she's really built." "Of course, Nancy-two hundred dollars." "But look at that one, she's the finest of ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Help a guy out!   10/3/2005

Walking along a dark alley, a man was suddenly approached by a stranger who had emerged from the shadows. "Please sir, " asked the stranger, "would you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who us hungry and out of work? All I have in the world is this loaded gun!"


0 Comments, 208 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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It pays to advertise!   10/2/2005

I saw this sign in a Pharmacy window not too long ago: FOR THE MAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING-PENICILLIN.


0 Comments, 62 Views, 5 Votes ,1.19 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Watch what you say and when you say it!   10/2/2005

The man was determined to win his girlfriend's heart that night. "I have loved you more than you will ever know..." he began. "So, I was right, " she screamed, slapping him hard across the face, "you did take advantage of me last Saturday when I was drunk!"


0 Comments, 84 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
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OOOOOOKay!   10/2/2005

Mrs Johnson was in tears, "Oh Marcia, " she sobbed to her maid, "I know my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "I just don't believe it, " Marcia snapped, "You're just saying that to make me jealous."


0 Comments, 76 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
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394 Articles
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Not a good thing!   10/2/2005

There was loud, violent pounding on the hotel room door, startling the two lovers inside. "Quick, it must be my husband, " proclaimed the terrified woman. "Jump out the window!" "But we're on the thirteenth floor!" Protested the Don Juan. "Jump, " screamed the woman, "this is no time to be superstitious!"


0 Comments, 79 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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The very first dumb question.   10/2/2005

Adam and Eve were strolling through the Garden of Eden. "Do you love me?" Eve asked. Adam replied "who else?"


0 Comments, 86 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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More of Philosophy according to studentbdsm101.   10/1/2005

An optimist is a man who looks forward to marriage. A pessimist is a married optimist.


0 Comments, 53 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
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Think about it!   10/1/2005

I once knew a man who was engaged to a gorgeous contortionist-until she broke it off!


0 Comments, 64 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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That should've been obvious!   10/1/2005

Jayne just couldn't understand why she was so popular. "Is it my long wavy hair?" She asked her girlfriend. "No." "Is it my adorable figure?" "No." "My sparkling personality?" "No." "Then I give up." "That's it!"


0 Comments, 104 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
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Another bit of philosophy according to studentbdsm101!   10/1/2005

A woman can be poor on history but great on dates!


0 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Maybe he didn't understand what you meant!   10/1/2005

"I told my boyfriend I didn't want to see him anymore, " said the woman to her friend over after work drinks. "And what did he say?" asked the friend. "Not a thing. He just pulled the covers over his head!"


0 Comments, 84 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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That's not very nice!   10/1/2005

"Not that I believe in reincarnation, " complained the man to his prudish date, "but what were you before you died?"


0 Comments, 78 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
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A philosophy according to studentbdsm101!   10/1/2005

Probably one of the most expensive things in the world can be a woman who is free for the evening.


0 Comments, 70 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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He shouldn't ask that question.   10/1/2005

The college professor called on the attractive young lady in his theology class, "Who was the first man?" "If it is all the same to you Professor, " replied the young student, "I'd rather not tell."


0 Comments, 75 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
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A mild little Johnny joke.   10/1/2005

The teacher asked Johnny to spell "straight" and Johnny spelled the word correctly. "Now, " asked Johnny's teacher, "what does it mean?" Without hesitation, Johnny replied "without water."


0 Comments, 68 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
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Could be little Johnny.   10/1/2005

"Give me a damned double whiskey, " the small boy barked at the barmaind as he entered the bar. "Do you want to get me in trouble?" Asked the Barmaid. The boy answered, "Maybe later, right now I just want a drink.


0 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
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394 Articles
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Some people just won't let others have fun.   9/30/2005

Did you hear about the two honeymooners who wanted to fly United, but the flight attendant wouldn't let them.


0 Comments, 316 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
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It's obvious to me anyway.   9/30/2005

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is setting her standards too high.


0 Comments, 59 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
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Well, if you look at it that way...   9/30/2005

"I was wondering, is it a sin to have sexual relations before receiving communion?" the young woman asked her clergyman. "Only if you block the aisle, " replied the Pastor.


0 Comments, 46 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
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It's all in how you say it.   9/30/2005

"I love you terribly, " proclaimed the young man. "You certainly do, " his girlfirend agreed.


0 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
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It does make sense...   9/30/2005

An aging playboy friend of mine once told me that he listed a man's life in three steps: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly, Try Weakly.


0 Comments, 53 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
anastacia14 40 F
5 Articles
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Bitch is a bitch   9/30/2005

hmm...where do i start... My friend Mairita...Shees a really fuckin bitch...In the school she slept with our Leiter 5 times!!! I don't think, that she's an engel....so, what should i do???write me...my e-mail is ALT.com I'll wait...


2 Comments, 258 Views, 0 Votes
Sultanofsting 68 M
2 Articles
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Ed Zachary Disease   9/28/2005

A woman who hadn't had a date in quite awhile decided to make an appointment to see Doctor, to see if there was anything wrong with her. Arriving at the Dr.s' office, she was shown into a cubicle and told to undress by the nurse. "Dr. Wong will be in in a moment" When the Dr. arrived, she explained her situation. Listening intently, the Dr. instructed her to get on her hands and knees ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
spicysugar 49 F
1 Article
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Jesus Joke   9/24/2005

Jesus is walking around the streets of Bethlhem one day when he spots a mob. He wanders over and asks a guy standing on the fringe of the crowd what's going on. The guy points to the weeping woman standing at the front of the crowd and says "That woman has committed adultery and must be stoned to death." Jesus just can't tolerate this, so he runs up to the front of the crowd and screams ...


3 Comments, 240 Views, 19 Votes ,6.16 Score
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Makes sense to me.   9/23/2005

When the good looking male gynecologist requested his new patient to undress, the gorgeous young woman began to blush. "Haven't you ever been examined before?" Asked the Doctor. "Oh yes, lots of times, " she replied in a whisper, "but never by a doctor."


0 Comments, 141 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
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Ego problems?   9/23/2005

According to Judy, she was the most popular girl on the face of the earth. "You know what, " Judy said, with her usual lack of modesty, "a whole lot of men are going to be miserable when I marry." "Really, " replied her date, holding back a yawn, "Just how many are you going to marry?"


0 Comments, 149 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
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He should've seen that coming.   9/23/2005

One morning, after receiving a phone call from his wife, the full of crap office manager strutted into the break room, his chest puffed out like a rooster, and loudly announced, "My wife is pregnant!" After a brief silence, a meek voice from the back of the room asked "and who do you suspect?"


0 Comments, 129 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
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My work or yours?   9/23/2005

The Physician and his wife were out strolling when a gorgeous woman in a tight fitting top and mini-skirt smiled and nodded hello from a nearby doorway. "Who is that?" inquired the wife. "That is a young woman I know professionally, " replied the Doc, his face turning red. ""I see, " said the wife, "your profession or hers?"


0 Comments, 129 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
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I believe it's probably true!   9/23/2005

I have a friend who works in a mental hospital. He told me the resident psychiatrist gave his mental blocks for his birthday!


0 Comments, 90 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
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She did ask.   9/23/2005

A woman discovered her husband had a mistress, so she demanded "Does this mean you have had enough of me?" "Not at all darling, " the husband replied coldly, "It means I haven't had enough of you!"


0 Comments, 139 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
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Okay Doc.   9/23/2005

"I'm sorry, but I just can't find the cause of your ailment, " the Physician said, "But, I think it's probably due to drinking." "If that's the case, " the patient replied, "I'll come back when your sober."


0 Comments, 92 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
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Ask a silly question...   9/23/2005

"How come you come home half loaded?" Inquired the sleepy wife of her semi-drunken husband. He replied, logically, "I ran out of money!"


0 Comments, 103 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
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Well, she asked.   9/23/2005

"Sweetheart, " the beautiful young thing whispered, "will you still love me after we're married?" "The man pondered the question for a minute and then answered, "I believe so. I've always had a thing for married women."


0 Comments, 93 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
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A twist on a traditional disagreement.   9/23/2005

Two small boys were having the ususal arguement small boys everywhere always have: "My father is better than your father!" "No he isn't." "My brother is better than your brother!" "No he isn't." "My mother is better than your mother!" There was a long pause. "I guess you got me there. My father says the same thing."


0 Comments, 112 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
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This joke will bug you.   9/22/2005

"NO!" screamed the lady millipede, crossing her legs as the amorous male millipede made sexual advances, "a thousand times no!"


1 Comments, 107 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
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Oh yeah...   9/22/2005

"We just got married and we would like a suite." said the newly wed man to the hotel clerk. "Bridal?" asked the clerk. "Oh no, " interjected the bride, "I'll just hang on to his ears until I get used to it."


0 Comments, 186 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
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I got to know.   9/22/2005

"I have to know one thing, " the groom said to his beautiful bride as she lay beside him in the bed of their honeymoon suite, "Am I the first man to sleep with you?" "You will be, darling, " replied the bride, "once you doze off."


0 Comments, 127 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
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That's a problem?   9/22/2005

"You know, the problem with Freddy, " Jayne commented to her roomy, "is once he starts kissing you he doesn't know where to stop." "That's really odd, " replied the room mate, "on my last date with him he found a great place to stop."


0 Comments, 131 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
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To each his own.   9/22/2005

Two rodents were hiding under a dressing table in the chorus girls dressing room in one of the larger hotel night clubs in Las Vegas. "Golly gee, " proclaimed the first mouse, "have you ever seen so many round asses and beautiful legs in your life?" "Sorry, they don't do a thing for me, " answered the second, "I'm a titmouse."


0 Comments, 101 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
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Should've asked if anything was stolen.   9/22/2005

A husband returned from a trip and was told by his wife that a thief had entered their home while the husband was away. "Did he get anything, " the husband asked anxiously. "Well, yeah, " answered the woman, "it was dark and I thought it was you."


1 Comments, 138 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
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A little Johnny Joke   9/22/2005

"Why won't you smile Johnny?" The teacher asked the youngster. "I didn't get any breakfast." Replied little Johnny. "Oh you poor, poor , " said the sympathetic teacher. "But, let's return to our Geography lesson. Can you tell me where the Canadian border is Johnny?" "In bed with my Mom-that's why I didn't get any breakfast!"


0 Comments, 109 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
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A clergyman with a dirty mind   9/21/2005

"I'm writing to my folks, " explained the soldier to the chaplain, " and I don't know if hard on is hyphenated or not." ", " choked the chaplain, "what on earth are you telling your parents?" "Just this, sir, " replied the G.I., "I'm telling mom and dad we can finally attend services in the field chapel-the one we all worked so hard on."


0 Comments, 99 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
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He got what he wished for!   9/21/2005

A man found a strange bottle in a store. He purchased it and took it home. He began to clean the bottle when, in a puff of smoke, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three wishes." The genie said, gigling out loud. This genie had a sense of humor. "I want a billion dollars in gold." Demanded the man. The genie pointed to the ocean and said "your wish is granted, it's at the bottom ...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
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You get what you wish for.   9/21/2005

A man walked into a bar. He sat at the counter and raised his right hand. Suddenly all the beautiful women in the place came to his side. He then reached into his pocket, produced a handful of money and ordered the bartender to give drinks to everyone. As the man got his drink, a foot tall creature appeared from his jacket, jumped on the bar and began to kick all the drinks over. When ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
give_it_a_Whirl 55 M
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GFY   9/20/2005

One day, a little boy goes over to his grandparents house and is sitting out on the poarch with his grandfather. Grandpa is drinking a beer and the little boy asks if he can have a sip. <br> "can your dick touch your asshole?" replies the grandpa. He says no, so the grandpa says "well, then you arent old enough yet to drink beer". <br> The little boy goes back to his ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
give_it_a_Whirl 55 M
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Mistaken Identity!   9/20/2005

A man is at the supermarket when he notices that a rather attractive blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. <br> He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him and although familiar, he can't place where he might <br> know her from, so he says, "Sorry, do I know you?" She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I think you ...


0 Comments, 139 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
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Always ask a professional man...   9/19/2005

"Doctor, " said the pretty young brunette, "I have this overpowering compulsion to have sex with every man I meet. Is there a name for whatever it is I've got?" "Yes, Miss Smith, there is, " answered the Doctor as he lifted her up and carried her to the couch, "it's called good news!"


0 Comments, 96 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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Oh those funny country folk...again   9/19/2005

A young sociologist was doing a in-depth study of conditions and attitudes in Appalachia. He asked a local, "Sir, what are your professional views on the increasing employment of aphrodisiacs?" "Wa-a-al, I'll tell yah, " ruminated the man being questioned, " as long as they does their job, I don't think it makes no never mind how they wears their hair."


0 Comments, 125 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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Hmmmmmm   9/19/2005

"Oww...My blind date last night turned out to be your former boyfriend, " groaned the young woman to her room mate, " and I now understand why you called him the wild texas longhorn!"


0 Comments, 66 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Sultanofsting 68 M
2 Articles
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Why   9/19/2005

Why did god give women a couple more brain cells than a Cow? <br> So they don't shit all over ya when ya rub thier tits


0 Comments, 363 Views, 3 Votes
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Oh yeah...   9/18/2005

A shapely teenage blond walked into a local card shop. "Do you have, like, any really special valentines?" She asked the store keeper. "We have a private line...here, " smiled the salesman as he slipped it out from under the counter. "It says, 'To the boy who got my cherry!'" "WOW!" exclaimed the girl, "I'll take a whole box."


0 Comments, 121 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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A true football coach!   9/18/2005

The meticulous football coach met a girl, fell in love and got married right in the middle of the season. "Hey coach, " inquired one of the players, "how was the honeymoon." "I don't know yet, " replied the coach, "I haven't seen the films."


0 Comments, 79 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door   9/18/2005

An old man passed away and was sent to purgatory. Once there, he ran into a friend his age who was accompanied by a lucious red head. "I'm happy for you Bob, " said the new arrival, "at least your getting a partial reward in this place while you expiate your sins." "She isn't my reward, " sighed Bob, "I'm her punishment!"


0 Comments, 79 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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That's not what I call them!   9/17/2005

A friend of mine said that television censors are called bleeping toms!


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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Ouch, that really hurts!   9/17/2005

A wife phoned her husband who was busy playing poker at a buddy's house and reminded her husband how late it was and demanded he come home at once. "But Martha, " explained the man, "I can't quit now. Why, I've got a stack of quarters as long as my pecker." "William, " the wife replied, "you mean all you've got left is two lousy bucks!"


0 Comments, 111 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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Therapy helps everyone   9/17/2005

An overworked priest told a psychiatrist that he felt he was about to have a nervous breakdown. "What you must do, " said the doctor, "is to break completely with your every day duties and life. Put on some jeans, and spend some time in a strip bar." With some misgivings, the priest followed the order. Inside the club, he sat in the darkest corner until a passing waitress did a ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
give_it_a_Whirl 55 M
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Church Goers   9/17/2005

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. <br> The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." <br> The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
give_it_a_Whirl 55 M
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Viagra   9/17/2005

This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour." <br> "Perfect, " she replies. <br> The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready ...


0 Comments, 130 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
give_it_a_Whirl 55 M
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Penis Study   9/17/2005

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. <br> After the results were published, France decided to conduct their ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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If it makes it grow.   9/17/2005

Two young housewives, both advid gardeners, were discussing botantical theories. "Do you really believe, " asked one of the housewives, "that talking affectionately to a plant can make it grow bigger?" "I certainly do, " replied the other housewife, "In my experience, anything organic can be increased in size by affectionate handling."


0 Comments, 88 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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I've heard that saying.   9/17/2005

"I believe in love at first sight, " confided the youthful girl to her room mate, "the first time I saw a hard one I just knew I'd love it!"


0 Comments, 53 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
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Such terrible grief!   9/17/2005

After the funeral, the bereaved man made his modest apartment ring with lamentations. As a compassionate gesture, his rich brother invited him to spend a few days in his fancy townhouse. The next day, the brother came home to find his widower brother making love to one of the female servants. "Joshua!" cried the brother, " you're doing this-with your wife not yet in cold in her grave?" ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A Hallmark Moment   9/16/2005

The young woman entered the greeting card shop a little hesitantly. "Can I help you Miss?" asked a store employee. "Well, ah, yeah, " answered the girl, "do you have any Father's Day cards that say 'To whom it may concern'?"


0 Comments, 135 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Watch what you say!   9/16/2005

A doctor, who was late for a golf date was rather curt with patients whose phone calls kept delaying him. The next day his nurse said "Doctor, several people were upset when you cut them short yesterday." At that point, a man who had been sitting quietly within earshot in the reception room got up and ran for the door. "Who was that?" inquired the Doctor. "A man named ...


0 Comments, 97 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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It's good to exercise with someone.   9/16/2005

Two fitness enthusiasts were discussing their respective activities. "Different things happen, " said one of the men. "For example, while I was jogging through the park early yesterday morning I suddenly lost my sweat pants and my shorts." "Were they exceptionally loose?" inquired the friend. "No-but the girl I was jogging with turned out to be!"


0 Comments, 70 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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You don't have to be smart to play football.   9/16/2005

The giant tackle had viciously slammed the ball carrier out of bounds directly in front of the visiting team's bench. As the large man got to his feet, the opposing team's coach, choked back a profanity and flipped him the bird. "What did I tell you"" proclaimed the tackle to his teammates as they ran to line up, "we're still number one!"


0 Comments, 55 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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A matter of perspective.   9/11/2005

"Honey, " bragged the well poluted conventioneer, "I'm gonna make love to you like you never had it before." Half an hour later, his lady bed companion removed a feather from a pillow and began to tap the conventioneer on the head with it. "Excuse me, " muttered the man, "what the heck is that all about?" "You see, comparatively speaking, mister lover boy, " yawned the girl, ...


0 Comments, 153 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Typical politician.   9/11/2005

"We seem to be having some trouble getting straight answers from you Mr. Congressman, " scolded one of the reporters at the press conference, "maybe if you answered just one easy one, it might set a precedent. So, tell us then, what is your favorite color?" "Plaid, " answered the politician.


0 Comments, 70 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Wanna play house?   9/11/2005

"Sweetheatr you really must talk with Jayne if only because she'll pay attention to you, " said the wife and mother of Jayne, "I caught her playing house with little Johnny next door." "So?" replied the husband, "didn't you play house when you were her age?" "Yeah, of course-but I didn't demand 50 dollars in play money!"


0 Comments, 123 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Did you really need to ask.   9/10/2005

The booth at the local carnival read "KISSES $1 to $50." "Is the range in price a matter of duration, " asked a prospective customer of the lady at the booth, "or perhaps of lip pressure." "No, " grinned the girl, "lip placement."


0 Comments, 78 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Well wasn't that obvious?   9/10/2005

A man who was about to be married told a friend that he was planning to take only two days for the honeymoon due to his being so busy with his business. "That's too bad, " said the friend sympathetically, "You won't have much time. How far did you plan to go?" "Oh, " replied the groom to be, "all the way naturally."


0 Comments, 116 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
DougErin 56,1945 C
8 Articles
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Jesus Joke   9/9/2005

Do you know what's white and shoots across the sky? <br> The second cumming of the Lord.


0 Comments, 103 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
DougErin 56,1945 C
8 Articles
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Jesus Joke   9/9/2005

Did you hear about the time Jesus walks into a hotel - slaps three nails down on the counter and asks..... <br> "Can you put me up for the night?"


0 Comments, 73 Views, 4 Votes
DougErin 56,1945 C
8 Articles
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Rascist jokes - you may be offended   9/9/2005

True story - I was in Las Vegas from the upper midwest with some buddies. A black guy notices our license plate saying Minnesota, and says "Minnesota - you guys need some HOES!" <br> One of my buddies looks at him and says, "Hoes? We're here on vacation - we don't need to do no weed killing!" <br> Can you guess which one of us is the farmer? BTW - he was being ...


0 Comments, 114 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
DougErin 56,1945 C
8 Articles
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Rascist jokes - you may be offended   9/9/2005

Q: What's the difference between a black man and a Pizza? <br> A: A Pizza can feed a family of four


0 Comments, 115 Views, 8 Votes ,1.86 Score
DougErin 56,1945 C
8 Articles
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Rascist jokes - you may be offended   9/9/2005

Q: What do blacks and apples have in common? <br> A: They both look good hanging from a tree.


1 Comments, 75 Views, 4 Votes
DougErin 56,1945 C
8 Articles
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Why?   9/9/2005

Why is it that when I come home with a one legged, lesbian, lactating, blind , I'm considered kinky? <br> Why is it that when I go through the check out line at the grocery store with 10 cans of whipped cream and a few dozen condoms, and mention that I'm having a family reunion, the clerk looks at me funny? <br> Why is it that walking up to ladies and telling them they ...


0 Comments, 202 Views, 7 Votes ,2.28 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Love and Marriage!   9/9/2005

"No, I am not losing interest in our marriage sweetheart, " said the husband, "I am simply making love slowly to keep the ash from my cigarette from falling on the sheets."


0 Comments, 113 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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Pay Day!   9/9/2005

"Will you please stop poking me with that thing!" said the girl to the man who was standing behind her in the subway car. "But it's just my pay envelope, " replied the man. "Well, you must have some job then, That was your third raise since we left Times Square."


0 Comments, 104 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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That explains it.   9/9/2005

Two police officers dropped an unconscious young man off at the hospital emergency room. The nurse asked for a brief explanation of what happened. "He and his girlfriend were parked on lover's lane, " explained the senior cop, "and the young woman claims he suddenly began to fondle her breasts and she became upset." "And what happened next?" Asked the stern nurse. "She lost ...


0 Comments, 224 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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She probably could have guess that!   9/8/2005

There was once a young journalism school graduate who quit her job when she found out that the house organ she'd been hired to work on was attached to the editor.


0 Comments, 72 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
studentbdsm101 70 M
394 Articles
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It's probably true.   9/8/2005

The doctor came home to find his basement flooded. He immediately called the new plumber in the city. The plumber arrived, found the problem and fixed it all in five minutes. He then presented the doctor with a bill for $250.00. "That is outrageous, " cried the doctor, "that's three thousand dollars an hour! I'm a transplant surgeon and I don't make that much money!" "Yeah, ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score