Yearning to amuse

So for a year my life was on hold, but one day I started having these feeling almost this deep yearning to be laughed at, its almost like an atonement for being so cruel and arrogant in the past. I no longer wanted to be a high flyer, this empty stressed money earner, but someone that was powerless. I had these feeling even before my operation as young as twelve. Eventually I done something about this and booked some appointments with a mistress.

At first I was reluctant and put things down as a moment of madness, but eventually when I finally got there all my dreams were fulfilled. I had to take all my clothes off and had to kneel before her completely exposed and at last all that I hid was finally shown. She has trained me well, through cooking and cleaning for her. I tended to her every pernacious thought, I had no dignity. She would make me mastubate in front of guests, to do chores for them, to massage and caress their feet. My feeling never came into it even if I am straight. But at no point did I ever resist these requirements. She would even publically humiliate me, making me take long walks with her completely nude and all the time I was scared that someone from the outside would see me. Making me undress at parties or functions.But I have the upmost respect and admiration for her.

But she has left now, and I feel there is this void in my life. I would call myself a sissy maid and would love to do chores for someone female from 20 and older. I would even do it for a master but do not want to consent to anything sexual.